HOW do you stop worrying about what others think??

[missobsessive]

Hi

I've been applying the skills in this program for close to a year now, and I have grown so much. I now have so much insight to my thought processes and how I feel...it's almost unbelievable! I've learned so much about myself.

One thing I've learned is that I have a hard time with worrying about what others think. This goes into the people pleasing. Trying so hard to please everyone so that they don't think or say anything negative about me. I realized that I do/used to do that A LOT. And I never really realized it before.

I've also noticed that I'll sometimes listen to what others say and will hold their opinion over my own..Like their's is more important/better than mine and maybe I should change mine to match theirs because they must be right.

AND I've also noticed that I can have a bit of an inferiority complex, especially around certain ppl that I perceive as better than me.

I've been replacing a lot of these negative thoughts with positive ones, and have been able to feel a difference, but they still haunt me. And I sometimes feel like I run out of positive things to say..like I keep saying the same thing over and over again.

But right now I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to let go of worry for what others think? I know that I SHOULDN'T worry about what they think. But I don't know HOW to stop.

Thanks

[chris001]

What makes you think that you know for sure what they think. I am just starting the program but I know I practice mind reading. I think I know when someone thinks badly of me. I might be wrong. I read something on this site about the month of May. In it he said that we should think of others as being positive people in our lives. If they prove they're not then we change our way of thinking about them and our interaction with them. See if you can find this. I think it might help.

[missobsessive]

Thank you

I know, I try to tell myself that. That I don't really know what they're thinking..if they're even thinking about me at all. Most of it is just my own negative thoughts that I'm projecting onto them. 'If I'm thinking it, then they must be too.'

Ahhh I just don't know HOW to stop doing it. I know I need to, and that it's useless and 99% of the time untrue, but I just struggle with my brain always going in that direction.

I'll look into the May post

Thanks for your help!

[chris001]

Here's another way to look at it. What makes you think that you are so important and such a large part of everyone else's life that they take the time and effort to even barely notice you much less have an oppinion about you. Most people, like us, have their own problems that they are trying to deal with, and don't have the energy to always notice the people around them. Even if you do something that upsets them, they usually get over it and move on to other things that are more important in their lives. Obviously, your mate, parents, children are different but hopefully you can talk to them and try to be aware of anything upsetting to them.
I once met someone that I felt like I had such a great connection with and later found out he didn't even remember the time we spoke to each other.
So much for feeling like the world revolves around me. I'm just one person among so many. Most people, I feel, have better things to do than worry about me.

[missobsessive]

Hi Chris,

Thank you! I do try to tell myself that too. That not only are ppl most likely not thinking negatively toward me, they are probably not even thinking about me at all.. For all I know they are sitting there wondering if I'm thinking negatively about them !

I did kind of have this moment with a good friend of mine who I've noticed can really be inwardly negative.. We were talking about how she was still talking to a mutual friend of ours even though I am not, and she said how she gets 'evil' thoughts about how I'm probably mad that she still talks to this person, etc.

That thought never even entered my mind.

This is what we do to ourselves for nooooo reason!

After that happened, I just thought...wow....I do that all the time and look at how she just thought it about me, and it wasn't even true!

It's our own negativity that we project onto others..

[Eric McLin]

Miss Obsessive,

The judgements and opinions that we may have of others is always incomplete. Therefore, the facts about another person cannot be known accurately. Most people are in their own little world, thinking the same thoughts over and over, or worrying about what others are thinking about them. If you know yourself and realize God knows you and accepts you unconditionally, then you have nothing to explain to anyone else or fear anyone else's judgement towards you.

It is part of the human condition that we all want to be "special" as Eckart Tolle would say. We are all imperfect. So if there is a perfect person on this earth, then he or she could pass judgement on you. No person does exist...except for Christ Jesus. He loves you unconditionally and forgives you. If someone is spending their time judging you and criticizing you for your imperfections, then that person has serious issues in their own lives. Life is imperfect...and unfair. Mistakes and errors are made everyday and every hour. That is why Heaven is going to be so refreshing !! Most of the time when people criticize you for something that think you "should" have done, they are actually praising you. They are thinking that Miss Obsessive has the talent to do this or that. If someone thought you were trash and a complete failure, they would not say or think anything about you.

Live life to the fullest ! Just do your best each moment. God bless you !

[ariel2477]

I can relate. I was in the drs office yesterday. That morning i was real sick. So when i went in that afternoon i had felt some better. He gave me no meds. and i left wondering what he thought and i have on/off since.
i had some REAL symptoms that was like the side effects listed for the antibodic i was taking. He just said do not take the antibodic. So i have felt nauseated etc... since.. hoping it will go away

[Jacmyster]

Before starting this program, I read a book called "Loving What Is," by Byron Katie. She has another book called "I Need Your Love--Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead." I'm anxious to read that book because the one I read was so helpful. It has exercises in it where you turn your thoughts around. Doing that helped me feel a lot more confident in my interactions with people. It has really helped me stop worrying so much about what others think of me. I realize that if I think about that all the time, I am in their business and I am not fully living my life. If that person and I are both in their life, there is no one in mine to live it! And I realize that if they think negatively of me, it only burdens and hurts them. It really has no effect on me at all. I've also started trying to help others feel loved and accepted because I know that's what I want from them. I would highly recommend reading both of these books. I hope they can help you!

[CarolM]

Wow that is EXACTLY how i feel. Don't have any advice, but just want to say your not a lone with this. it's a big struggle for me to.

I realize that if they think negatively of me, it only burdens and hurts them. It really has no effect on me at all.

Wow the above is terrific!!! Really puts in in perspective. thanks Jacmyster!