I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I feel stronger. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitations I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Hi Karen,
I was reading your post about missing your ex and I kept thinking, it is like an addiction, like being addicted to alcohol, you know is not good for you but the temptation is there.
Keep thinking that you are better without.
It took me a long time to make the decision of leaving my ex. Once I made my desicion I was 100% sure that I wanted a divorce, however after I got separated from my ex-husband, I had a very hard time dealing with the idea of being alone. I had to find new friends, I kept myself busy, sometimes too busy.
It was not easy being alone, but at the same time it was not easy to trust men.
I met my now husband on the internet, this was about 11 years ago. I lived in Mexico, he lived in the US, which was great for me because we had a long time to talk and get to know each other before we actually meet in person.
What I am trying to say is, it is normal to miss your ex, it is not easy to be alone, but think of this time as the time to take care of yourself. Make a list of the things you want your next boyfriend/partner to have, and a list of the things you won't want to deal with. Once you have it on paper, it is easier to remember.
Be patient, it will only get better, I am sure of that.
The Challenge...Lesson 3
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Guest
I am oin the road to recovery and I will recover. I will continue to use the skills I have on a daily basis to recover because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am changing and change is good.
Hope
Thanks for the feedback..it is so difficult, especially since he basically chose his alcohol over me...not good for someone who doesnt have any self-esteem....but then again the main reason I have no self-esteem is because of him...I do need to stay busy and I need to remind my self of all the negatives in my life that came with a relationship with him....I guess Im angry that I wasted so much time and energy on him...and the whole time I lived in fantasy land...
my counselor was here this morning and she told me it is very difficult to let go because then I wont have the "excuse" to stay in my condition....she said I actually "fed" off the disfunction of the relationship....and nowI dont have the excuse and have to work on all the things I have been hiding and running from...
I understand this but it doesnt help my heart to heal....but knowing that went through this and it does get better helps me feel better thanks
Hope
Thanks for the feedback..it is so difficult, especially since he basically chose his alcohol over me...not good for someone who doesnt have any self-esteem....but then again the main reason I have no self-esteem is because of him...I do need to stay busy and I need to remind my self of all the negatives in my life that came with a relationship with him....I guess Im angry that I wasted so much time and energy on him...and the whole time I lived in fantasy land...
my counselor was here this morning and she told me it is very difficult to let go because then I wont have the "excuse" to stay in my condition....she said I actually "fed" off the disfunction of the relationship....and nowI dont have the excuse and have to work on all the things I have been hiding and running from...
I understand this but it doesnt help my heart to heal....but knowing that went through this and it does get better helps me feel better thanks
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Guest
I will recover, I am recovering, each and everyday I feel stronger. I have everything I need inside of me in order to recover and face any problem or limitations I will ever encounter. Each day I become stronger with my skills and I can access more and more of my inner resources.
Karen,
You are not alone, we all are working on things that we have been hiding and running from. You are in good company
I have just one question for you... Did he choose his alcohol over you or did you choose your wellbeing over him?...
Do you have an idea of how strong you are?... Think of all the things you accomplished living with an alcoholic an abusive person... Now imagine all the things you can accomplish without that burden on your shoulders.
You can do it!!!
Karen,
You are not alone, we all are working on things that we have been hiding and running from. You are in good company
I have just one question for you... Did he choose his alcohol over you or did you choose your wellbeing over him?...
Do you have an idea of how strong you are?... Think of all the things you accomplished living with an alcoholic an abusive person... Now imagine all the things you can accomplish without that burden on your shoulders.
You can do it!!!
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Guest
I am on the road to recovery and will recover. I will continue to use the skills I have on a daily basis to recover because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am changing and change is good.
Hope
you made me smile
I did chose my well-being over him
thanks for the reality check and support
Hope
you made me smile
I did chose my well-being over him
thanks for the reality check and support
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Guest
In response to Karen L;
How you responded was alright and to keep in mind for the future. Even if you are extremely angry, sad, depressed or whatever. Voicing that does not create that same level of feeling for other people. Alot of the times it doesn't even create the same feeling for others. Venting that anger is acceptable and relationships like friendships are about sharing the good along with the bad.
Ok well just keep an eye on the dizziness. I mean if you have another bout of the big one you had.
your X choose the alcohol because it was an addiction but he didn't choose it because there is anything wrong with you. I don't know if that is how you are thinking but i'm just assuming based on how you lost self-esteem on it.
What your councellor is talking about is secondary gains. I'm realizing that I am also doing that to myself. My body will actually become exhausted so I have an excuse not to do the things that I really don't want to do and then I can run away from it.
mcshope is right, the experience with the alcoholic isn't a waste. There are good things in any situation both good at bad. For one you would have more understanding for others that have gone through this, you can recognize the signs of alcoholism and so you can prevent yourself from going through another relationship like that and because it had lead you to becoming agoraphobic, you got to a point where you couldn't live your life anymore without working on your anxieties and depression and this will make you a far better person after you recover from it than before you even had the agoraphobia.
In response to mcshope's post
I hadn't actually thought of it being an addiction in context with missing the ex. You're absolutely right about that though.
And awesome suggestion to make a list of things you want in a future partner. Hey i might go ahead and do that. You are also becoming very good and replacing other peoples negative thoughts!
Mike
How you responded was alright and to keep in mind for the future. Even if you are extremely angry, sad, depressed or whatever. Voicing that does not create that same level of feeling for other people. Alot of the times it doesn't even create the same feeling for others. Venting that anger is acceptable and relationships like friendships are about sharing the good along with the bad.
Ok well just keep an eye on the dizziness. I mean if you have another bout of the big one you had.
your X choose the alcohol because it was an addiction but he didn't choose it because there is anything wrong with you. I don't know if that is how you are thinking but i'm just assuming based on how you lost self-esteem on it.
What your councellor is talking about is secondary gains. I'm realizing that I am also doing that to myself. My body will actually become exhausted so I have an excuse not to do the things that I really don't want to do and then I can run away from it.
mcshope is right, the experience with the alcoholic isn't a waste. There are good things in any situation both good at bad. For one you would have more understanding for others that have gone through this, you can recognize the signs of alcoholism and so you can prevent yourself from going through another relationship like that and because it had lead you to becoming agoraphobic, you got to a point where you couldn't live your life anymore without working on your anxieties and depression and this will make you a far better person after you recover from it than before you even had the agoraphobia.
In response to mcshope's post
I hadn't actually thought of it being an addiction in context with missing the ex. You're absolutely right about that though.
And awesome suggestion to make a list of things you want in a future partner. Hey i might go ahead and do that. You are also becoming very good and replacing other peoples negative thoughts!
Mike
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Guest
I am on the road to recovery and I will recover. I will continue to use the skills I have on a daily basis to recover because I refuse to let anxiety, fear, anger, and depression control my life. I am changing and change is good.
Mike
I was almost done writing you out a reply and some how I accidently deleted it..
I will sum it up by saying thank you for putting everything in perspective.....you are a pretty smart man
Im heading over to the new forum
Mike
I was almost done writing you out a reply and some how I accidently deleted it..
I will sum it up by saying thank you for putting everything in perspective.....you are a pretty smart man
Im heading over to the new forum
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Guest
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 3
What happened to all the replies from other members? It shows the last posting from another member and that there are over 20 pages of replies but each page is blank? ~Beth
One day at a time is the key for me!
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NinjaFrodo
- Posts: 1263
- Joined: Wed Aug 18, 2004 3:00 am
Re: The Challenge...Lesson 3
Yeah I see that, it is strange....don't know where they all went, that's not cool.