4 years have gone by when i first started the program and I must say that i just realized something that i didn't before...it came to replacing the negative with a positive...
Even though it was written in the book it never really sunk in that we need to put the thought down in a way that states what it is, what we feel and why we feel it that way.
I also realized when replacing it with a positive...i would do it in a way that was completely intellectual and somewhat cold instead of comforting...I would just work it out on paper as if it was a mathematical equation and so it didn't really make me feel too much better...so how do you come up with a comforting and more emotionally beneficial positive?
Can someone give me some examples?
Mike
I never realized until now....
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NinjaFrodo
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Here is the link to the Letting Go thread which is designated for venting
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
http://forum.stresscenter.com/viewtopic ... 52&t=25087
You can follow me on Twitter, same username or check out my blog
http://ninjafrodo.blogspot.com/
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Guest
Examples as in things we say to ourselves?
This thought always upsets me, makes me want to just cut and run: These tasks are too hard to do by myself.
Here is a comforting thought I use in its place:
I will be fine. I always manage to get things done, even when they seem impossible.
Mike, it isn't the content, it's how it makes you feel. The thing that scares you, makes you feel bad, etc, is the negative. You find something to put in its place that makes you feel somehow better. Eventually, you find the thing that is a keeper self talk, the thing that makes you feel pretty good.
For instance, I live in a remote area, and I use wood fuel. Every summer I panic over finding exactly the right size and type of wood. I use about 2.5 cords of pinon pine for the winter, and it needs to be split. I do always get the wood I need by October, but I torture myself worrying that I won't get it in time. This summer when I start obsessing about my firewood, I tell myself, I am just fine. There are plenty of wood cutters who will have just what I need when I need to get it.
I hope the example here helps. Why don't you list some of your own examples?
This thought always upsets me, makes me want to just cut and run: These tasks are too hard to do by myself.
Here is a comforting thought I use in its place:
I will be fine. I always manage to get things done, even when they seem impossible.
Mike, it isn't the content, it's how it makes you feel. The thing that scares you, makes you feel bad, etc, is the negative. You find something to put in its place that makes you feel somehow better. Eventually, you find the thing that is a keeper self talk, the thing that makes you feel pretty good.
For instance, I live in a remote area, and I use wood fuel. Every summer I panic over finding exactly the right size and type of wood. I use about 2.5 cords of pinon pine for the winter, and it needs to be split. I do always get the wood I need by October, but I torture myself worrying that I won't get it in time. This summer when I start obsessing about my firewood, I tell myself, I am just fine. There are plenty of wood cutters who will have just what I need when I need to get it.
I hope the example here helps. Why don't you list some of your own examples?
very appreciated thank you.
I think i was looking for some kinda formula as if that really exsists...but then it would be too fixed and not as meaningful....i did write one down today and realized i do know how to do it...i just did it before like a robot...something mechanical and just because the program told me...i didn't state how i felt in the negative
...just a plain...I don't want to go to work....and then its ok i'll be fine, its just anxiety. Which really didn't do anything for me.
Instead this time i stated the situation and how i was afraid of a specific circumstance happening that would bring up the feelings of anxiety and what-if i didn't know what to say...and i was able to replace that and say The circumstance wouldn't be too bad if it did happen...i would get those feelings of anxiety for that moment, I'd live with it for a few moments and then it would pass and that would be it...so i think i'm on the right track with this
Thank you again
I think i was looking for some kinda formula as if that really exsists...but then it would be too fixed and not as meaningful....i did write one down today and realized i do know how to do it...i just did it before like a robot...something mechanical and just because the program told me...i didn't state how i felt in the negative
...just a plain...I don't want to go to work....and then its ok i'll be fine, its just anxiety. Which really didn't do anything for me.
Instead this time i stated the situation and how i was afraid of a specific circumstance happening that would bring up the feelings of anxiety and what-if i didn't know what to say...and i was able to replace that and say The circumstance wouldn't be too bad if it did happen...i would get those feelings of anxiety for that moment, I'd live with it for a few moments and then it would pass and that would be it...so i think i'm on the right track with this
Thank you again
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
~~ Ronald Reagan
~~ Ronald Reagan
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Guest
Mike, if you really want a formula, here is one I wrote on a card and have carried with me since Session Three.
I cannot have a feeling without first having a thought. What did I just tell myself?
Sometimes I will seemingly feel bad instantly. I know it isn't instantaneous. I know I had a negative thought just prior to the bad feeling. If I can quickly locate what I told myself, it almost handles the bad feeling. It certainly helps me know why I am not up to par at that moment. You really are intelligent, I can tell. Perhaps you are trying too hard to analyze this one into logical points. I do believe you are understanding it. Use it, keep using it, and you will grow into your life with a much happier mindset.
I cannot have a feeling without first having a thought. What did I just tell myself?
Sometimes I will seemingly feel bad instantly. I know it isn't instantaneous. I know I had a negative thought just prior to the bad feeling. If I can quickly locate what I told myself, it almost handles the bad feeling. It certainly helps me know why I am not up to par at that moment. You really are intelligent, I can tell. Perhaps you are trying too hard to analyze this one into logical points. I do believe you are understanding it. Use it, keep using it, and you will grow into your life with a much happier mindset.
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Guest
NinjaFrodo- Sounds like you are on the right track. We all have to find a positive response to ourselves that fits us and that we can believe. It does take some thought and sometimes just saying "it will be fine" doesn't always work. I've gotten very specific sometimes with mine and will bring up a specific situation I had been in before and say "Well I've been thru something like this before and I handled it well and this is what I did, so there's no reason I can't do it again." Just recalling other positive things in your life and how well you dealt with them will help. You're showing yourself by doing this that you ARE capable and the self talk that follows will be believable. I've written down a list of things in my journal that I have accomplished (no matter how small) and events I've handled well, and when my thinking starts taking a dive to the negative I get out this list and go over it. It brings me back to reality because it is believable to me.
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Guest