I have more anxiety around my husband
I am really having a hard time with my anxiety around my husband, I feel like I have to walk around on egg shells around him. He has stress issues and anxiety as well, but where I internalize and just make myself sick he externalises with anger that is not directed at anyone but just their. He can make some small mistake and he's off cussing and throughing a fit and he is never happy. I worry all the time I'm gonna upset him and I don't know how to stop the anxiety of being around him. he is doing the program too and working hard at it,but what can I do to minimize how I react to how he reacts?
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Guest
Hi Dorothy,
I wish I could help you. Your husband sounds like I had been for most of my life. As I read your post, I got a sense of pity for my own wife. I think she internalizes her sense of helplessness or just throws her hands up. Your husband might be suffering from a long term depression and that is how he deals with it.
He acts out of frustration, this way he easily distracts himself from feelings that he knows will lead to a slide downward. It's kind of like a sub-science acting out triggered by thoughts he knows may lead to depression. I am only saying this because I think that is how I have dealt with my decades of depression.
I think all you can do is give him a sense of loving care. It may help both of you. My wife seemed so aloof, that it only frustrated me all the more. When he is acting out, what he is really saying is, honey love me, I am hurting. I am fine now, but it took some doing to get me see things for what they really were.
All you can do is try, what's he going to do, bite your head off? I don't think so, his anger probably has nothing to do with you. You know what they say love covers a multitude of sins.
In your husbands case, it could a bunch of different things that may have happened to him long ago. He may or may not have told you anything about these things in his past, or he may not even be aware that these things are working on him the way they do; but he might open up to a total stranger, that is behind a computer display, until he can talk voice to voice or chat, while still maintaining some degree of anonymity.
There aren't too many men on this forum, but I am one of the few and I will be a friend to both of you. A friend that will hang in there to help you ride out the issues. A friend that is unafraid to establish a true Christian relationship, and that is unafraid to cry with you in times of despair, laugh with you in times of joy, struggle with you through your storms, and pray with and for you in you times of need. Look at 2 Tim 1:7
http://www.holybible.com/resou...%20Timothy&Chapter=1
I am not governed by a spirit of fear as you may find many here are. Talk to your husband and try love, compassion and understanding as med for his acting out of frustration. It might just be the medicine he needs. The flip side of that is that when you lead with love it returns to you with love; so it might help you too.
I'll pray that your husband will be helped by these suggestions, and if you would like; both of you could join me in dialog, we can start with a pm at your or your husband's suggestion. Failing that, you will both have to seek family counseling. If you find that will the track you pursue, go to a therapist that specializes in the fields mentioned and hopefully a Christian counselor type. If you go it via Psychiatrist, they will quickly put you on meds, and all that does is mask and not address the underlying issues. Make sense?
With all due care in our Lord's name I pray.
God Bless you and yours.
I wish I could help you. Your husband sounds like I had been for most of my life. As I read your post, I got a sense of pity for my own wife. I think she internalizes her sense of helplessness or just throws her hands up. Your husband might be suffering from a long term depression and that is how he deals with it.
He acts out of frustration, this way he easily distracts himself from feelings that he knows will lead to a slide downward. It's kind of like a sub-science acting out triggered by thoughts he knows may lead to depression. I am only saying this because I think that is how I have dealt with my decades of depression.
I think all you can do is give him a sense of loving care. It may help both of you. My wife seemed so aloof, that it only frustrated me all the more. When he is acting out, what he is really saying is, honey love me, I am hurting. I am fine now, but it took some doing to get me see things for what they really were.
All you can do is try, what's he going to do, bite your head off? I don't think so, his anger probably has nothing to do with you. You know what they say love covers a multitude of sins.
In your husbands case, it could a bunch of different things that may have happened to him long ago. He may or may not have told you anything about these things in his past, or he may not even be aware that these things are working on him the way they do; but he might open up to a total stranger, that is behind a computer display, until he can talk voice to voice or chat, while still maintaining some degree of anonymity.
There aren't too many men on this forum, but I am one of the few and I will be a friend to both of you. A friend that will hang in there to help you ride out the issues. A friend that is unafraid to establish a true Christian relationship, and that is unafraid to cry with you in times of despair, laugh with you in times of joy, struggle with you through your storms, and pray with and for you in you times of need. Look at 2 Tim 1:7
http://www.holybible.com/resou...%20Timothy&Chapter=1
I am not governed by a spirit of fear as you may find many here are. Talk to your husband and try love, compassion and understanding as med for his acting out of frustration. It might just be the medicine he needs. The flip side of that is that when you lead with love it returns to you with love; so it might help you too.
I'll pray that your husband will be helped by these suggestions, and if you would like; both of you could join me in dialog, we can start with a pm at your or your husband's suggestion. Failing that, you will both have to seek family counseling. If you find that will the track you pursue, go to a therapist that specializes in the fields mentioned and hopefully a Christian counselor type. If you go it via Psychiatrist, they will quickly put you on meds, and all that does is mask and not address the underlying issues. Make sense?
With all due care in our Lord's name I pray.
God Bless you and yours.
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Guest
Thank you very much, What you said about your wife being aloof kinda hit me hard. I have been trying for year to make him happy and nothing works. I have finally just gone numb to him. I do love him with all my heart and will stay with him untill we die,but the pain of feeling not good enough for him,feeling unwanted,feeling like he really would rather be anywhere elese then with me is horrible.I know his past and why he acts the way he does and mabey your right,dealing with him in a loving and caring manner would do more good then trying to protect my feelings.I don't know if you talking with us would help any my husband is very private and him just doing this program is a very big step for him. Again thank you for your advice and I will change my behavior toward him and even when I feel hurt I will still be loving to him.