SEXUALLY ABUSED

[isabel001]

hi everyone....

i made a realization just today, I'm ready to share my story to everyone of you.... to inspire women/men out there who were sexually abused as a child or as an adult...

i was molested when i was 8 years old, and at first i didn't know what was happening... for some reasons, i wasn't able to scream, i wasn't able to shout for help and i was so FRAGILE...

it continued when i was growing up... still I couldn't scream, I couldn't shout for help... i was so FRAGILE...

then I didn't know what to do, I didn't know who could help me because I belong to a dysfunctional family, i might just as well keep it MY DARK SECRET

I grew up to be very smart, i was an A+ student almost all through out my school years but deep inside me "SOMETHING WAS WRONG"

my heart was full of hatred, self blame, agony, despair and insecurities...

I couldn't share it to everyone because I was so fragile and I didn't know how to start....

I suppressed ALL THE SEXUAL MOLESTATION MEMORIES. I killed all the memories of my childhood... I grew up thinking I was a CURSED...

I thought I succesfully KILLED these NIGHTMARES OF MY LIFE but I was wrong...

IT HUNTED ME FOR ALL THE YEARS OF MY LIFE. I GOT FIXATED. I DIDN'T GROW. I WAS STUCK. MY HEART WAS DYING. I FELT ALONE.

now, I'm one of those people who is suffering from POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER.

I HAVE DEPRESSION. I HAVE ANXIETY.......

IT'S 7:45 PM RIGHT NOW, and im offering this story of my life to all the STRONG SURVIVORS of SEXUAL ABUSE in this whole wide world....

i know it's not easy... IT'S PAINFUL and i describe it as a DYING HEART

BUT

my merely SURVIVING this trauma means WE ARE BLESSED. GOD MADE A MIRACLE IN OUR LIVES THAT NO ONE COULD TAKE AWAY FROM OUR LIFE.

TO ALL SURVIVORS OUT THERE, SPEAK UP! SHARE YOUR STORY! DON'T HIDE IN THE CLOSET OF SHAME AND HYPOCRACY!

WE ARE BLESSED, WE ARE STRONG, WE ARE FIGHTERS, WE DON'T GIVE UP!

i feel a lot better now that i have written this MESSAGE. share your story and after typing your LIFE EXPERIENCES... EXPERIENCE HOW IT FEELS TO BE FREE.

[playingwithchaos]

i kno whow you are feeling i have been there...many times as a kid by a few different men...
i've killed the memories many times but they seem to come around every so often as a reminder of what ive been through.
almost like a life long scar that wont heal....
its easy to talk about , biuut for me its not easy to take away the feelings and emotions and mental memories..

www.playingwithchaos.com

[ladybug_101]

I TOO SUFFER FROM POST TRAUMATIC STRESS !! IWASNT MOLESTED , BUT RAPE NOT EVEN MY PARENTS OR MY HUBBY KNOWS TO DATE ..... I WAS 16 THE CREEP PUT SOMETHING IN MY DRINK AND I DONT REMEMBER ALOT BUT BITS AND PARTS. I SHARED IT WITH A FRIEND WHILE I WAS IN COSMETOLOGY SCHOOL! MY DAUGHTER WAS RAPED AND IT DEVASTATED ME ! I REMEMBER WHEN THE THERAPIST ASKED ME THIS SITUATION IS ROUGH ON A FAMILY , BUT DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU ARE TAKING THIS SO HARD MY ANSWER WAS NO AN I DIDNT AT THE TIME. BUT I SAT UP IN BED ONE NIGHT AT 3 AM AND IT ALL CAME FLOODING BACK TO ME OMG I WANTED TO SAY YES I KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION NOW BECAUSE I NEVER DEALT WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AS A YOUNG GIRL. AND ONE OTHER TIME MY PARENTS KNEW THIS ONE A GUY CAME OUT OF AN ALLY NO CLOTHES ON AND CHASES ME AND MY SISTER SHE RAN I FROZE HE GRABBED ME BUT I GOT AWAY , THAT WAS A HARD TIME IN MY LIFE AS WELL GOING TO SCHOOL WITH EVERYONE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED WAS HELL !! MY SISTER STILL HAS A HARD TIME AROUND men TO THIS DAY! BEST OF LUCK TO ALL OF US WORKING THIS PROGRAM !

[~*Bayles*~]

Hi guys I'm 17 yrs old and I just recently started this program. Its helping a lot but I have alot to learn. I was molested @ age 8 by my step brother. I never told and it went on for 5 yrs. Isabel001 I know exactly the feeling and the meaning of what you mean by FRAGILE. I was so scared was told many things could happen if I told. I finally told when I was 15 yrs old what had happened and that my step brother was bugging me at the time to send him pictures of my body. He went to jail for 6 months and it seems like I never cried with in the whole 6 months and never wanted to talk about it. For about a year I was quiet and like you guys said almost killed the memories in my mind and heart. But yet i remembered it every day and still do. Now I deal with more anxiety in my life than I have ever. Now it seems like it was easy keeping things hid and not going through the emotions that i do now. How oh how do i start anew and leave that as a past?? I want to be strong from what I went through I am a survivour not a victam anymore and I want to live as that statement but how?

[mosaic1989]

Wow, my heart goes out to all of you. I have dealt with this too, sometimes I don't know if some of my problems are from being molested or dysfunctional family or even all the well intentioned people who tried to straighten me out. I definitely think it is a process you go through. Sometimes the main thing to remember is that no matter what we tend to assume some blame, but we didn't do anything wrong. Fear is a big reason we don't tell at an early age, and we might feel shame but we have to continue to remind ourselves is the one with the problem was the persons who abused us. It hard sometimes, as child or teenager it's hard to even believe what is happening to us. It's a deep issue but one that can be worked through, journaling helped me a lot. Sometimes venting in anger really helps, sometimes we angry at a lot of different people, and some who were indirectly involved. I'm in my forties and I dealt with a lot of this in my 20's and I don't have the pain and anger I had then. It was hard to believe that I would ever feel better, but it does happen. Hope this helps someone. Take care.

[bigthom777]

I was sexually abused, too. I always felt like I had this black mark across my chest. That I was less than other people. Filled with insecurities, desperation, anguish, loneliness, despair.

I never told anyone when it was going on. Happened around age 8 to 11. My molester was a police officer and when he got caught, I lied and said nothing happened. I couldn't tell you why. Just needed it to go away, wanted it to go away.

Told my therapist and group members. Big relief when I did.