Anxiety and panic attacks started when i was 15 during my first really bad breakup. i went from not knowing what my symptoms were, to knowing but just thinking it was normal, to knowing it was fear, to becoming a agoraphobic. I relied on my boyfriend for everything...i would stay home all day (During the summer) and wait for him to pick me up. I couldn't drive anyways...sometimes i would try and my dad would literally have to pick me up down the street because i could not drive any further, or turn around. My biggest fear has always been passing out. I am very slim and i have hypoglycemia. I passed out when i was in the 7th grade and that fear resurfaced when i started getting anxiety attacks. I'm afraid i will pass out in public and people won't know what to do, or ill fall and hit my head, or it will be embarressing and no one will help me! MOST OF ALL, i am afraid of passing out while driving and getting in a car accident. I was in a bad car accident years ago, so i dont know if that has to do with it, but regardless of me being in an accident, passing out while driving would not be good!! When i was an agoraphobic, i could not go more than 10 miles in each direction of my house...then it got to the point where i could not be alone, EVER. I went to work with my mom (eventhough i couldn't stand her) every single day until my boyfriend picked me up. i was never home alone. I remember having to be home alone for an hour and i called my parents panicking because i wasn't breathing right and i was dizzy and breathing hard...funny thing is, when they got home, all my symptoms got immediately better!! That's when i really knew that i could control what was going on in my head and body. I went to a homeopathic doctor and tried lots of herbal remedies, however i did not feel like they helped. i never had a problem with caffeine or coffee...just sweets, i have an intense sweet tooth!!
Eventually i tried getting on zoloft, but i was too scared and stopped it after a few days. Then i got onto prozac and i have been on it ever since. I slowly got out of my agoraphobic state and started slowly driving on my own. I was depressed and i couldn't take it anymore. another bad breakup set me back yet again making me feel alone and vulinable (sp?). I eventually got to the stage where i did not mind being alone at all, i actually preferred it because i don't have to keep anyone company or pretend like i feel good. I NEVER FELT GOOD. ALWAYS FELT "SICK". I started driving a little bit more. I can drive anywhere anytime if someone is in the car with me, but if i'm alone, its a COMPLETELY different story. Then there would be days where i actually felt normal, i took advantage of those days, would do something fun or try driving farther. I have had MANY set backs..most recently a set back two in a half months ago when tyring to hang out with friends...didn't work so well. But I recently had to get on a plane for 8 hours because i moved to Maine from CA and i had not been on a plane since i was a kid and thought they were "fun". and i did fine. Now im living somewhere i have NEVER been, i no NOBODY, except for my boyfriend(whom i live with). IT sounds like i have relationship problems but i dont. I have been dating the same guy since i was 15 (i am 21 now, so all the bf's i have talked about have been the same guy)...we were just young and immature..we have not had any problems for over two years, we just had High school drama back then when my anxiety was the worst!!
So i have been thru a lot and i have tried the program a few times but got impatient and rushed thru it, i have never finished it...I am WAY more organized and dedicated now that i live in a new area with no friends and my bf works ALL day.. So i have a calender and schedule and am doing this program the right way now. I really hope it gives me closure and helps me defeat this disorder!!!
My main fears:
Passing out
getting sick
i do not drive more than 15 miles from home, alone
i hardly go into shopping centers alone, i get anxiety when i do and sometimes i just push thru it
i do not try too many things
i avoid hanging out with friends
i avoid putting myself in any situation where i am responsible for someone else
i avoid all meeetings and appointments..anywhere i can not get up and leave when need be
i avoid doing things without my "safe person" (boyfriend or my dad)
i avoid exercise
i avoid long walks or physical exertion
i avoid heat
i avoid stuffy areas
i avoid not eating in fear ill pass out...IM ALWAYS EATING
This week however i did start an exercise program, im starting slow and actually doing really good.
MY MAIN SYMPTOMS
feeling like i'm going to pass out
feeling like i'm going to get hurt
im going to throw up
nauciousness
dizziness!!!!!!!!
lightheadness!!!!
feel like i have low blood sugar (sometimes i think i do and i test it and i do, sometimes i test it and i don't)
feel like i have low blood pressure
spacy feeling
feeling like i am going in and out of consiousness
my legs shake
can't catch my breath
sleepy
chest pain
heart palpitations
HEADACHES
tingliness in hands and face
I would like to hear others stories as well
