Feeling stuck and don't know what to do...

[madtrkkllr]

Hi,
I decided to get this program as a last resort. I have suffered from all types of anxiety for over 10 years now. It started out with seperation anxiety and then later diagnosed by the VA with generalized anxiety disorder associated with PTSD, OCD & depression. I have been seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist at the VA for years. I am on a lot of different meds for all sorts of things i.e. clonazepam, seroquel, propranolol, simvastatin, omeprozole and now I just recently got a CPAP for sleep apnea. Without consulting my Dr. I took myself off the seroquel cold turkey... BAD IDEA! This was over a month ago and still dealing with withdrawals. Anyway, I saw the infomercial for this program twice in a row and figured out that THIS is what I need. I need to "re-learn" or "un-learn" my way of thinking. I do believe this is the right thing and CBT has been touched on by my VA psychologist who is a great Dr. but it's hard to get any real QUALITY therapy when he is swamped w/over a 1000 patients himself and I see him once every three months. What works for me is repetitiveness. I understand why the program repeates itself so much. It's to keep it in our minds. But right now I feel stuck. I didn't know how to "start the program" so I watched the 3 dvd's covering all 15 sessions which I actually think this was good for me because it gave me a summary of what they were about. I listened to lesson 1 once or twice and felt "Ok, there's nothing in here really teaching me anything" so I went on to lesson 2. The first six tracks were helpful and track 17 was also helpful but tracks 6-16 are just people's testimonies and however nice to hear that people have been helped, they do nothing for me. I've done my "homework" and read my little cards but is this it? I mean they keep talking about "learning stuff" but I'm not seeing much teaching. I'm not trying to be negative and have seen a lot of positive changes in me, even before getting the program but I feel that listening to testimonies over and over is doing nothing for me. I've also been listening to the relaxation cd many times and after reading other posts I think "variety" is a plus. Relaxation tapes usually don't help me because my OCD is comprised of checking my pulse ALL THE TIME so I have a hard time focusing on the cd as opposed to feeling my heart rate from every part of my body, but am working on that. Anyone else out there "stuck"?

[luvu4u2003]

I am personally super stubborn! I can relate to checking your pulse every 5 seconds. I do it too. I am feeling alot better but have reached a point where its not gone so maybe this is as good as I'll get? I know thats not true, Im going to keep fighting for my life but it is hard. I just keep pushing threw to the next step. Just keep pushing and pushing and eventually the light will be there 100%. Keep pushing luv its the only choice we have.

[Paisleegreen]

When you've listened to the tapes or CD's did you do the written work?

[Jannacle]

I think maybe you shouldn't get off anymore medication until you get further in the program and find that you are doing better. When you start to feel a difference then you should talk to you doctor or Pharmacist about with drawin slowly.

[madtrkkllr]

Yes, I am doing the "homework" as I stated in my original post. Right now I have way too much stimulus and I am going to put the program aside for a few days; maybe a week, like Lucinda said. I have gone through tons of changes in the past two months (and you know how we all hate change). A lot of it is for the better and positive but right now I need to make sure my heart is in fact ok. Over this past weekend my BP was 218/148. NOT GOOD! I got an EKG done on Monday and came back ok but my heart rate has dropped significantly, prolly due to my blood pressure sky-rocketing since I went off the seroquel cold turkey. As I stated before BAD IDEA! I started keeping track of how many times a day I check my pulse. Yesterday it was about 85 times and that was a GOOD day. I just started a new job as a laborer after being out of work 19 months and totally out of shape, took myself off the seroquel, ordered this program, struggling w/my spirituality, obsessing about my heart rate and BP and started wearing a CPAP. On a positive note I started taking fish oil supplements and started on the treadmill. I'm also eating better and trying to eat three meals a day where as before it was "maybe" once. Tomorrow I go see my VA psychiatrist, psychologist and my annual physical. I'm hoping they will order me a halter monitor and a stress test. Once I KNOW my heart is ok I can truely focus on the program because I know it WILL work for me.

[Paisleegreen]

HI Madtr I'm glad you got a new job, I think that's right. I would be concerned as you if my BP was as high as yours! I'm' glad you will get a halter monitor and I understand completely about changes and how they affect us. I'm glad you are taking fish oil, my gut can't take it when I take vitamins. It didn't use to be that way, but then I never use to be this way.

I too weaned off of anti depressants and weeks later was when I had my first panic attack, so these drugs are quite powerful!
But back to the vitamins, since I went off the AD's, and experienced the panic attack, my gut hasn't been the same. I only feel good when I eat something with natural Omega 3's oil in them such as eggs and fish. So that is what I've been doing is eating protein meals and cut out a lot of sugar and salt in my diet. It has calmed my anxiety down and kept my weight down as well.

I still have issues of "fear" and "butterflies" in my gut once in awhile and I get very tired and my body aches more than it use to. I guess it is a part of ageing and stress. So I hope you are doing well...Paislee