New with Constant fear of dying:(

[RN2010]

Hi!
My name is Jennifer. My anxiety and panic attacks probably have been with me throughout most of my life(31years) but it wasn't until 2009 that they were almost daily. For a short time I was panic, but not worry, free but now it is beginning to come back again and I have a constant nagging feeling that I am going to die for some reason. This fear isnt just when a panic attack occurs it is usually my fear of dying that begins my attacks I am convinced that there is something wrong with my heart because I often have palpitations and feel a skipped beat so I have gone to the doctor and am now wearing a Holter monitor to record my heart for a day I LOVE to work out and lift weights but now I am afraid that I may drop dead during a workout or if my heart gets to going to fast. The most frustrating thing for em is that I know in my mind that the thoughts are probably irrational and if someone else made the same constant complaints I would tell them that they were fine but I can't seems to convince myself that I am fine. I just graudauted as a Registered nurse last May but I sometimes think I chose the wrong profession because I am terrified of seeing people die or of having to perform CPR or shock someone. I have four kids at home who are my life but I am so worried that this anxiety and fear will rub off on my kids! I try so hard to hide it but it often makes it worse. Anyone have any ideas how to help?

[Paisleegreen]

Hi RN--Well, you are at the right place. You have been spending a lot of time studying and trying to prevent death that you have become hypervigilant about it. Well, if you fear dying, at least you are at the right place most of the time. I think just by you posting here and voicing your concerns you are going to feel better. You can write down your thoughts and then put the lie in the thought. A CBT process by Dr David Burns in his Good Mood Therapy book. I think Lucinda has something like that as well.
Let us know how you are doing. Paislee

[samantha862000]

Hello friend, I'm also working towards my nursing and congrats on the Nursing degree. I work as a CNA in a nursing home and feel like the people i take care of have lived long lifes and it is ok for them to die. But it scares me silly to think of someone younger passing. I have 2 kids and one on the way. I've always told myself i will not let my kids see my anxiety,panick attacks, depression, or hypcondria. I was told by my mother growing up that because she had mental health issues that i would also have them. This has preprogrammed my brain. It has also taught me i don't want to be like that so i do everything possible to change it. It's soo very hard. It's a learned behavior and feels like its impossible to get rid of. A very close family friend had the palpitations as well she wore her heartmonitor for two weeks to be told that it was possible she had a very small opening in her heart that would just need to be sealed off. She decided to look into a second opinion because she even wonders if its just her anxiety. I pray that for your sake its just anxiety. Anxiety doesn't require surgery. It would be nice to have a surgery to fix anxiety but i can see that its tuffer then a physical condition. You can have surgery and be better in weeks but with anxiety there is no time limit and it is so hard to boost your self up and get rid of it. Wishing you the best, Samantha

[bklynbee]

I am the same way. I constantly think that I am going to die. When I am having a bad day I always cry to my fiance that I am going to die and he tries to reassure me that Im not. Its been so bad that I have actually written goodbye notes to my family and friends. I am so worried about dying that I am missing out on my life and it is really sad.

[Nugget28]

Your story sounds so familiar! After I started having panic attacks I developed a fear dying. Like you I was having obsessive scary thoughts. I would think that at any moment I could drop dead. I was afraid to exercise because I was afraid that my heart would stop. The program has really helped me with this. At one point in the program Lucinda said that we have to start facing our fears. (Face the fear, feel the fear and do it anyway). You know deep down that you are not gonna die and that those thoughts are just anxiety. I told myself: If you really believe in yourself and if you have faith that you can overcome this you have to start excercising.
So I did. I signed up at the gym and I started exercising. I started slow and I'm glad I did. The first couple of months I kept having obsessive scary thoughts when excercising. But after lesson 10 the scary thoughts started to lessen. A big part of this condition is accepting. I know this is so hard but step by step you will begin to realise that it is just anxiety.
I used to have those scary thoughts and actually believe them. I kept telling myself they are just thoughts and after a while when I had those thoughts I wasn't scared that I would die when I had them. I began to believe that they where just thoughts and they could not hurt me. It won't happen over night but when you realize that and truly believe that its just anxiety you will become less afraid and after a while you won't be afraid at all.
Start facing your fears babystep by babystep. You can do it! You just have to believe in yourself!

[madtrkkllr]

In the same boat. On top of generalized anxiety, PTSD and depression I also have OCD in regards to my heart and check my pulse anywhere from 25 times a day to prolly over 200. I've had two halter monitors, a stress test, and on a lot of different meds but not all to do with anxiety. I also recently got a CPAP for sleep apnea which my dr. said might be causing my palpatations due to the strain on my heart. I always fear of dying from a heart attack or stroke but when I go to bed and try to fall asleep I pray and always end it with "acceptance. If the Lord wants to take me I have no control over that. Just please let it happen while I'm asleep & thy will be done". That usually is the only time I find myself "letting go of the wheel". I just need to find a way to incorporate that throughout the day. I have a lot to be thankful for and am not living life the way HE wants me too. For the record I'm not a holy roller. I just believe that my spirituality is a big part of my recovery and am struggling w/that as well...

[luvu4u2003]

WHOA! I am going through the same exact thing!!!! I started to notice it all after my brother died last may. I had a monitor for a week, 2 stress tests and 2 echocardiograms. My doc told me I have PVC beats mild murmur and arythmia. He told me to lay down 1 hour a day with my feet up. He could not express enough to me that some form of exercise was neccessary. NO matter how much you fear it, you have to stay active. I went from kickboxing every week to yoga 2x a week. Eliminating your stress is key!!! Also, hydrate!!! You heart is surrounded by fluid, its like a cooling system the more you hydrate the smoother your heart will beat. My doc also said add more salt to your diet. I thought that was odd but its actually made me feel alot better. Just make sure to ask your doc before you do it though. Hope you get to feeling better. I feel your pain, im still going through it myself. It does get easier though I promise...HUGS!