Accepting my condition

[knitthis]

Hello out there,
I'm not sure who I am writing this post to or for, but....I have had anxiety for about fourteen years. Like many others, it was just completely bewildering in the beginning. Over time I learned what these feelings were, saw a therapist, did a different program for anxiety, and here I am, still torturing myself, wondering if it truly is possible to "get over it." What I have realized so far into this program is that I don't want to accept this condition. I have made my life manageable with anxiety and it is so easy to ignore and deny the problem busying myself with other things (like having children) or smothering it with a nightly cocktail. But at what point do we say "enough is enough" and start actively doing something about it, accepting it, and trying to change. Almost all of us here are afraid of change, is that what is holding us back (or should I say, holding me back)? I don't want to admit I have a problem, that I need help, that I am flawed. But I guess this post is just to say, yes I am. Now where do we go from here?

[Nectarios]

Yes, torchuring ourselves, thats exactly what we are doing. I think this problem is based in low self esteem. People with a high self esteem give themselves compliments and talk to themselves with a compationate and winners attitude. For us, we have been practicing the opposite. Most people like to be victims, its just easier. So the plan is to create a winners attitude and a language full of self esteem in our heads. Its working for me and I hope it works for you too.

Nectarios

[mmwillie928]

i have definitely found that accepting the fact that i get anxious alot and not trying to fight it is the first step. if you try and find it or ignore it, you are adding more of a struggle on. so just accept the fact that you have anxiety and tell yourself you are ok. keep going with the program and you will learn the things you need after acceptance, like the six steps to end panic attacks (first part is the acceptance ), changing negative thoughts to positive thoughts, and on and on. you will find the support you need on here, i promise you

[cliffs56]

While low self esteem may be a cause, it is not limited to that. I feel I have very hih self esteem- probably too high sometimes. I am an expert in my field and have always thought that I could do more. However, I started having panic or anxiety attacks a few years ago when I felt a lump in my throat and did not feel like I could swallow or breath. In fact, I would have difficulty swallowing food and they attributed it to acid reflux (GERT) and put me on medicine for that. recently, after a major change a work, the problem came back and while on a family vacation I found I could not swallow anything and was panicking everythime I tried. It was a horrible vacation. Freuqent panic episodes. I have gone through a series of medial tests but no one has suggested any of the symptoms were related to stress or anxiety. I realize this started a few years after my eldest son had died unexpectedly (he was 24). I find I have problems getting on planes now- even though I used to fly for a living. Its not fear of the airplane having an accident, but the fear of being locked up in a metal cylinder for several hours without control. I have to call my wife and talk to her on the way to work on many days.

I saw this program and realized that tis may be my problem and hopefuly the answer. I ordered the program today. My youngest son is also seeing a threrapist because oft he stress in his life of trying to live up to her late brother. This may help him as well. Although he doesn't have any panic attacks- he does sem to not want to go anywhere or do anything.

Of course, the first thought I have is will reading about all this make me worse because I am taking on everyone elses symptoms and putting them on me as well. Will these blogs actually exacerbate my own issues? Only after reading some of your posts have I realized that each time I am facing episodes it usually follows additional stress events. I hope this program will help me to get back to life. Once I arrive at work I am fine- its the trips to and from work that seem to cause me problems. Ayone else have problems swallowing that lead to panic? Any suggestions- as this seems to be my biggest symptom.

Thank you.

[Pauly J]

Acceptance does not mean that you are weak or admitting defeat! It just means that you have accepted things for what they are! This is the beginning of your healing process! From here you just need to take the positive steps needed to help you to deal with, and eventually overcome your anxiety disorder! Things will only get better from here on out!

pauly j

[mmwillie928]

hi Cliffs56,
definitely sounds like you have anxiety problems. in fact, your story about not being able to swallow sounds like one of the stories on the CD's, as well as your stories of fear of not having control and in a plane and having to talk to someone while driving in your car. there is defnitely help for you in here.
i hear what you have to say about worrying that you will take on other's problems on this website, and i talked about it with someone from StressCenter. they said, don't worry about coming on here if i felt that it wasn't helping me, but make sure i continue with the CD's and homework. those have been a big help to me and i am going over the program a second time. i want to get even more out of it this time. plus, i come on here every so often and i find that being on here isn't as scary for me.
i believe you are in the right place. this program has helped me where i felt like i wasn't getting the help from therapy.
what you said about your anxiety coming from a place where you tell yourself you can do too much, i can kinda relate to that. i am a negative thinker by nature, but i also tend to feel like i should be doing more and what i do isn't enough. this causes me a lot of anxiety. this program also addresses that issue at one point, where a person pushes themselves too hard and how to take better care of yourself while still having a productive life. the program is about teaching you how to have a balanced life so you can have a healthy, enjoyable as well as productive life. one thing i have learned while doing the program is that there are many facets to the personalities of people with anxiety and depression, and this program teaches cognitive behavioral techniques. my advice is continue on and be patient and compassionate with yourself. don't give up cause you think at some point that you should have it all down pat by then or have taken it all in perfectly. just keep going. and if you ever need help you can always refer back to something on the CD's.
my best to you
Matt

[betsyenid]

When I first bought this program, which was ten years ago, I couldn't get passed session 3. I had a really hard time trying to replace my negative thoughts into positive ones. Back then, I was in a really unhealthy relationship. I got out of it and i'm doing better now. But I have a fear that i won't get passed session 3 again. I found the strength to order the program again and work through session one , and now i'm on session two. Is it o.k. to take more than a week to finish a session?

[mmwillie928]

it is definitely allright to take more than a week if you need to. Lucinda suggests moving on after a week, only because she doesn't want people to get too caught up in obsessing. if you think you are obsessing, then just accept things in the program as they are, cause the people in the program really do know what they are talking about, and move on to the next session. if you think you just really liked the session, maybe something in particular, maybe you can think about it for a while. but dont let obsessing or fear keep you from moving forward. and don't beat yourself up for having fear. we ALL have it. just accept it. and be patient and compassionate with yourself.
hugs

[couturesugar]

What a great post! This is exactly how I feel. I bought the program years ago after my first panic attack and only listened to enough to get me functioning again. I've been in this place where I've been functioning and it's been okay, but I want to really live to thrive. God that sounds so optimistic and cheery that I can barely stomach to write it out, but it's the truth. We get to a place where we have the illusion that we have some control over the anxiety because we're able to get out and function, but in reality the anxiety is in the driver's seat dictating what we can/will do. I'm currently on session 3 and am planning on giving this program everything that I have.

Good luck to you

[AvaMarie]

I have accepted my disorder for what it is..I have anxiety/panic plus depression. I am seeing a Cognative Behavior theropist but not sure I will continue to see her as she keeps encouraging me to take medication. I am scared of pills and I won't be a guinea pig to find out what might work and what does not work. I took Xanax for about 2 weeks and all it did was send me into the deepest...darkest depression I have ever experienced in my life! I woke up one morning with a panic attack....turned on my tv and saw the very last five minutes of StressCenter's info...I took it as a postive sign and an answer to my prayers so I ordered this program immediately. I am on CD2 and I can already see a positive difference in how I react/handle anxiety. I am keeping positive and working hard and staying prayful that I will continue heal.