I have to stop procrastinating on getting better.
Hello. I have to get started on this program again. I need to prioritize and organize my time because I will never get better by just thinking about it. I have all the tools and can't get started. I have been walking everyday and watching what I eat. I really want to feel better but naturally. I am so afraid to go the doctor because I know they will want to hand me a prescription. I have a fear of taking anything. I am such a mess though as far as panic attacks while driving and nervousness around people. I have been isolated for so long now, 4 yrs. that I fear I have lost my social skills. I am so shy and always afraid of not fitting in or feel stupid nervous or inferior. I have been telling my husband little bits but am embarressed of these insecurities. I feel like I am getting worse. I throw myself out there because I have to since I have kids in school and sports and husband is always working. I don't fit in with anyone at the football games and feel so alone and like they look at me like I am so strange. It is painful always feeling this way. My family calls me only once in awhile and my sister 7 yrs. older is like always everyones favorite. I have so much pain from being lonely and forgotten. I do know my kids and husband love me but I am hurting. I want confidence!! I have been having panic attacks while driving and start coughing and get like I can't breathe i think I start scaring myself. I did make an appt. with an allergist and am suppose to have allergy testing at the end of the month. It seems everything scares and I can't be like this. I hope so much I can change and quit feeling negative and pushed aside by everyone. This is such a painful thing. I have plenty of time during the day to indulge in the program and get started. I am not real computer savvy but will do my best at learning the forums etc. I hope to hear from anyone who can give me a push in the direction I need. I would like a coach but cannot even think of that right now as of finances. At least I do have the program. I don't fit in here where I live because everyone seems to be from here and I am not. I don't know if that makes since but I just don't feel like I fit in and it is so lonely. I keep telling myself I probably wouldn't have time for friends anyway and I should put everything I have into my recovery and take advantage of the alone time. I have to start loving myself. I have been listening to joyce meyer in the mornings while daughter gets ready for school and she is an ispirtation to me. Sorry to make this so long. I have listened to the session 2 and will listen again tomorrow.I hope to make some friends here that can help me and then I can be of help to others. Thanks again for reading this.