The Challenge...Lesson 2

[THH]

Mike, Sorry to hear you came down with the cold. Your doing a great job at reconizing its just a cold, it will run its coarse and go away. Just drink lots of fluids, and rest the best you can.
I guess I got a little squimie reading I'm the person to look up to because I have gotten through some tuff obsticals and becoming more consistent.
I'm sure you ment to pay me a compliment, and I thank you for that. I have a hard time with compliments, as I always feel other people do things nicer, better, ect...and don't get any credit. With that being said, I have finally been able to look at this straight on and come to really realize that I do have anxiety. I am the one who thinks to myself with scary, negitive thoughts. I have gotten really good at this and it comes very natural for me to go there. A bad habit. I see this now and when I practice with my tools I can change the way I feel. It is amazing. It is hard to always be mindful but the body symptoms remind me, your doing it again...
So I except I feel anxiety, back track, what was I just thinking, several mins. ago, hour, this am ect. And I always can link it to a negitive thought, or a what if future, or a past experiance.
That for me is my fork in the road, I can feed the negitive and work my thinking into a scary bunch of thoughts, or I can say stop it, that is not real, I don't know that to be true, ect...then I change my thinking to something better, like the present moment. What am I doing now, how lovely the sky looks,I really like this song on the radio. Call a friend and make plans for the weekend. It has helped me and I know it works as I feel better.
The trick is to stay with it, daily, weekly and in every thing life tosses your way. The practice sessions so to call them, are signs your growing, changing becoming who you want to be. Sometimes they don't go well, but that don't mean your a looser. You have gained in 100 other areas. These are all my thoughts, I'm like everyone else trying to over come this too. We are all doing so good and coming here to share our thoughts and give support to each other. Were all in the same boat, so to speak, just different kinds of boats!
Heres to our recovery!!!

mcshope, YAY! You did it. Good Luck, hope you get the job!

[Lindalee]

I am going to recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the most healthiest way because I refuse to live life based on fear, anxiety, and depression anymore.


Mike,

thanks for the suggestion of using the slow breathing, I hadn't thought of that.
My legs, one or the other, get uncomfortable after the progressive muscle relaxation, and its not exactly a cramp, more like a nerve feeling. What I think I'll do is just not worry about and do the walking meditation suggested for awile, then try the other one again.

THH, I was also taught to be afraid of most everything as a child from my mother and then punished for it by my father. Yet when I think back he was also very nervous about driving on the highway.

mcshope - how did your job interview go?

[SeaRunner]

"I am going to recover, I am recovering, and each and everything I do brings me closer to freedom from my self0imposted limitations. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on false fear, anxiety, and depression."

DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND PANIC

I had a bit of a rough day today so I didn't get much accomplished. It started last night with not much restful sleep and general anxiety and continued on throughout the rest of the day. I did get in a few hours of sleep here and there but I still felt as if I were dragging my body through the day.

I didn't have major panic so I wasn't able to do much with the six steps for dealing with panic. It was more just a general feeling of uneasiness along with a sense of being overwhelmed and bewildered. I had difficulty making even the simplest of decisions.

I did use the relaxation CD twice and that felt good. While I was listening to the CD, I imagined that my body was being engulfed in a soft, yellow, warm, and calming glow. During that time I finally felt relaxation, but it lifted once I was done with the exercises.

I also listened to the "Feel Better Fast" CD for the first time. For some reason, I didn't even realize it was there until Monday when I was copying all of the CD's onto my MP3 player (the first time I went through the program I listened to the CD's directly). I enjoyed the "Feel Better Fast" CD. I found it empowering to have so many of the positive messages from the Program summarized and repackaged in a single place.

POSITIVE THOUGHT REPLACEMENT

1) I feel unmotivated and unsuccessful and it seems like I'll feel this way forever. --> This is just one day. Like every time in the past, my negative feelings will dissipate and I will feel better about myself and my future.

2) I've wasted an entire day and accomplished nothing. --> That's not true. I did the relaxation exercises twice and listened to a new CD from the program. Those are both accomplishments. Moreover, I can't expect every day to be perfect. There will be difficult days and I will get through them.

3) I'm losing ground on my progress towards improving my sleep cycle. --> What happened last night is almost certainly an exception. It only represents a single night. I can't forecast the future based on a single event.

THOUGHTS ON SESSION 2:

After rereading the guidebook for Session 2, I realized that I have a hard time separating external anxiety and internal anxiety. I tend to combine it all together in my mind and view it as a single entity. By being able to keep the two isolated, I will be better prepared to deal with my fears since I will have less to deal with at one time. I only need address the internal anxiety to keep it from developing into panic. It's okay and normal to feel stress from external anxiety.

[SeaRunner]

Lindalee -

I found the second to last sentence in your post very insightful:

Each day I spend stuck in my tiny safe zone is a day I haven't fully lived.

It's easy to forget what we miss out on each day when we give into our fears instead of challenging them.

Mike -

Sorry to hear you're ill. That always makes me more nervous since my body has less resources available to tackle anxiety while it is already fighting a cold. It's a war on two fronts!

Hope -

Congratulations on going to your interview. I know you were very concerned about it. That's a huge accomplishment and is more evidence that you are capable of greater things than you imagine.

THH -

I sympathize with the difficulty in taking compliments. I've finally gotten around it with just a simple "thanks". Over time, it's become easier but I typically don't like to be the center of attention. Either way, you deserve your laurels!

[NinjaFrodo]

I'M GOING TO RECOVER, I AM RECOVERING, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the most healthiest way because I REFUSE TO LIVE A LIFE BASED ON FEAR, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ANYMORE. HOW I DID THINGS IN THE PAST DOESN'T WORK FOR ME ANYMORE! (just wanted to add more emphasis to the quote kinda like how people put more passion into saying things but we don't really have the same ability to do that with typing)

mcshope
That is amazing and I'm really happy and proud of you. I bet you are feeling really good about yourself right now and more confident in your abilities.



THH
The first couple days with the cold were aweful and I just kept saying I was going to die and this cold will never go away. Well its almost gone now I still have the cough still.

Ah you have a difficult time with compliments eh. Well there are always going to be people who do things better and its not fair to disqualify the efforts and outcomes that are less than that other person. If you're going to do that at least be fair and do the same thing with everybody else. I guess this is another layer of your onion. You do have a good grasp on it. Ah you distract yourself with present moment surroundings and talking to friends...thats very good. I was struggling with the whole distraction thing because I cannot possibly exercise for 16 hours (generalized anxiety).

Yes we are doing very very good and it is important to do these things on a daily basis and throughout this challenge I will be bringing forth some exercises in order to strengthen that motivation if we start to become discouraged.



Lindalee

It took me awhile to think about it myself but it really does make things easier when you replace thoughts and they just stick more. At least they do for me. The walking meditation would be a good idea as well, as long as you are playing the relaxation cd and started to create that habit to relax then all is good. You could also try to do some of the progressive muscle relaxation outside of the context of the relaxation cd to prepare yourself when you do decide to use the relaxation cd while laying down.



Searunner

Sorry you had such a rough time with your day and the 6 steps aren't just reserved for panic attacks. They are also ment to be used for feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, fear, sadness, worry and well any strong negative feeling. That is also really amazing that you did the relaxation cd, twice even especially when you felt really tired and dragged yourself through the day. That is great progress and even better that you got such a great response while doing it but it'll take some times for that relaxation to stick for awhile after doing the relaxation cd.

I do not know this feel better fast cd. I don't think it was created when i got my program.

I'm really proud of the ammount of work you are putting into this even dispite the exhaustion. I really believe you will recover from it this time around!

Oh and ya its alot harder to be positive when you are sick.

I noticed i was feeling really anxious about washing the dishes I had just used and after reading lesson 2 I decided to start asking what it was that is really bothering me. Well I'm actually afraid of becoming exhausted and that staying for the rest of the day. Has anybody else had this problem as well?

Dunno if you read that in my tuesday post but was hoping you might have some sorta comment or something you could possibly share in regard to this.



Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I'm going to recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the most healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on fear, anxiety and depression anymore. How i did things in the past doesn't work for me anymore.

Thursday;

Relaxation;
Relaxation cd;
Was more focused in the beginning but mind wandered. It first wandered to something that made me really angry (my sister) and actually during that time I asked myself what is really bothering me and an answer popped up, I am just bothered that I didn't get to bed when I was feeling tired but ended up getting to sleep when I was really exhausted and then slept in really late. I felt bad for not respecting myself in that sense. Realizing this made that anger go away very quickly. Also at the end of the session she says to imagine yourself living in the moment, making the most of your moments and doing things you really want to do, well I have listened to that relaxation cd well its got to be more than 1000 times by now and not once did I actually try to imagine this. I would just start thinking lots of thoughts about how I just finished and how I did a great job of following through or even negative thoughts like how I'm not calm enough or whatever. I realized this and I started to imagine myself living in the moment and doing things I want to do and I really felt good about it.

Walking and using the relaxation cd;
It had calmed me down slightly and I was able to tense my fists, arms, shoulders and jaw and that had helped to. I didn't bother trying to tense my feet or legs. It was alright though and it distracted me from the anxiety I was feeling about listening to the same music on my mp3 player.

Meditainment Relaxation cd;
I did this after i walked from my house to the gym and it felt really relaxing and It definately brought down my stress level and the anxiety I had felt from walking. It made it easier to workout afterwards because I was worried that I would become too exhausted when I was on my way and when I got there.


Negative thoughts;
1)I feel aweful again. I should've gotten to sleep earlier but I didn't, I'm horrible
->It would have been more beneficial to get to sleep earlier but more likely to follow my habit where I push myself to stay up later as a coping mechanism. This does not make me a horrible person overall, it just means I'm still struggling with a habit that is more destructive than helpful. This habit was necessary to survive years ago but its not anymore and I can change this.

2)How can I trust myself to recover if I can't even respect my needs and get to sleep when i'm tired?
->There are still days where I do get to sleep when I'm feeling tired but not as much as I would like. Its a progress and I could definately put more effort into my problem with sleep and I will. I am going to be patient with my progress but not avoid it and I can handle the outcome of any effort I put forth.

3)I don't want to do anything today, I didn't get a refreshing sleep so its ruined
->I don't have to have a refreshing sleep in order to do things during the day. It would be more beneficial to do some things as that can make me feel better about myself. Not doing anything will only make me feel worse and then can make me sleep even worse when I go to bed tonight.

4)I'm keeping myself all couped up in this room and this house, I need to get outside, I need to be out doing stuff.
->There is no rush to go out and do things, It's only 2:30 and i'm not planning to go to sleep until at least 10pm. There is plenty of time, I don't have an enormous ammount that I have to get done or that I even want to do and I have the right to take my time and enjoy myself. I've spent most of my time this morning on self-improvement and this is alot more important than rushing to do other things.


6 Steps;
Used the 6 steps in my relaxation as I put above and I also used it when walking to the gym as I was feeling really aweful about listening to the same music that i've listened to everyday for awhile now. I had asked myself what is really bothering me and it was that music and then when I stopped listening to it I got more anxiety and I asked the same question and the answer I got was that I am not distracting myself from the possibility of anxiety and it can strike at any moment. This whole asking myself what is bothering me, really helps! I realize more and more that I just ignore my own needs and ignore what i want and so of course I would be depressed and anxious!


Action Assignments;
Walking meditation;
Tried this for a little bit and it was really difficult. I felt very strongly that I needed to listen to my mp3 player. I resisted it and I think I did walk and focus on my surroundings for about 5 minutes and walked slowly and did some breathing but then my mind wandered and I got lost in thought and totally forgot to continue.

Focus on calming pictures;
I used 6 diffrent pictures with nice scenery and I had alot more wandering thoughts about my sister again and asked what is really bothering me and I realized this time it is because i'm not out and about. Doing things outside instead of being all stuck in the house. I calmed myself down with breathing and told myself there is no rush and went back to looking at the pictures and I felt more calm than before i was looking at the pictures.


Mike

[NinjaFrodo]

I'm going to recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do makes me more recovered. I will do everything I possibly can to recover in the most healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on fear, anxiety and depression anymore. How i did things in the past doesn't work for me anymore.

Wow I just realized something. I started to again feel rushed to get outside and I asked myself whats really bothering me and the answer I got was that I am forcing myself to do toooo much self-help stuff at once. Historically I would do projects, coping mechanisms and such for hours and hours on end and I would feel resentful towards myself for doing so. I didn't realize I was still doing this with the self-help. I know when I first started the program 6 years ago I would spend the whole day mostly doing the self-help stuff and felt bad about that. I woke up and listened to some music for like 10 minutes then did self-help stuff since then. So I've been doing self-help for like 3.5 - 4 hours now and not much else besides that. I think I deserve a break now and possibly get myself to the gym, I'm feeling up to it now.



Mike

[THH]

Lindalee, Oh both of my parents would definitly benifit to go through the program! I doubt they will...I wish they would. At least I can see now where most of this comes from, with myself.

SeaRunner, So good on not having a major panic attack! When I get that general feeling, I try to think back what was I thinking? Back track sometimes it can be a few days of just a little here, and there but it adds up in a few days and turns into more of a general anxiety.
I also didn't discover the "feel better fast" CD till a week after I finnished the program the first time. I too really like it. I have played it 3 times now. Very good positive thought replacement!

I also like your separating external / internal anxiety.It is a good point to remember to separate external/ internal anxiety. They are diffferent, esp. external because much of the time we can't change that. We can only under react to it or except it, pray about it,or take the wait and see approach. Good observation!

Mike, Glad your feeling better. I know most of us hate being sick. Glad your getting your energy back.

Yes my onion needs up dated. Another layer for sure. Make a note, *don't like compliments. LOL...Yea I do distract myself I didn't think of it thet way but your right. Thats what I do.
It brings my mind quickly out of it with out much effort. I just have to catch myself.

Good have the excersises ready!

You made a BIG gain by doing the back track to what was really bothering you. It turned out to be something as far away from those other obsessive thoughts that you could go, from your sister to sleep! Good job!

I also think your right on the working so hard on self help. I at times have just walked away from the program because I can get very analytical and it feels like all my enegry goes into my head. A break is needed for me at that time. Sometimes for a couple days I will just live my life and only really think about things if I can't let go. Mostly I can. But I then have to do something out of my routine. I guess you could call that distract again.
I feel more refreshed when I come back to it then.
Have a good night all.

[SeaRunner]

Mike -

I don't know what happened; I was so scatter-brained yesterday and today. I know I read your post last night, but when I re-read it this evening, I realized that I only had read it halfway through the first time. I missed everything from the Six Steps section through the end. The odd thing is that I read all the other posts, including your additional ones, immediately below the first one. Sorry about that.

Regarding your comments and question about fearing becoming exhausted, I can definitely relate. I really have to pay attention to how relaxed I allow myself to get, and I don't mean calm but more in terms of feeling sleepy, during the day. That means I have to be conscious of how long I sit, how long I watch TV, how long I spend at the computer, and anything else that doesn't require much energy. If I wait too long, I become extremely tired and only want to sleep. At that point, it becomes very difficult for me to motivate myself to do anything until I've rested again.

I think in my case it is a combination of sleep deprivation and my medications, many of which can cause drowsiness. Does any of this ring true for you? If not, what do you think is behind this fear? Are you afraid of spending too much time sleeping? Do you fear that you are not getting enough accomplished? Have you had problems with becoming exhausted in the past?

As for potential solutions, I find what works best for me is to keep myself at a certain minimal activity level throughout the day. As long as I don't get below this level, I can keep myself awake and feeling relatively energized. Also, a brisk walk or heavier exercise can do wonders to lift my mood and energy level even though it may be hard at first to get started.

Jamie

[NinjaFrodo]

I will recover, I am recovering, each and everything I do will make me more recovered. I will do anything possible in order to recover in the healthiest way because I refuse to live a life based on anxiety and depression anymore. How I did things in the past doesn't work anymore

THH

I think anybody who walks this earth can benefit from the program and I wish everybody owned it the way people own computers now a days.

Yeah well when I get sick, I relax more and sometimes I become more inspired with CBT and self-help so its not all bad. I really do want to get back to having enough energy to do my normal workout routines.

Compliments are a limitation for you so maybe i should give you more of them until you not only thank me (which i did notice) but agree completely with them.

Yeah that is a big gain and you really don't think about it so much. I spent so much time thinking about how i was wronged and I know this information that obsessive thoughts can just be there to distract us from dealing with things we don't want to deal with but i would get all wrapped up in it. I would try to breath through it and use self-talk but I wouldn't ask myself what is it that is really bothering me. It makes a huge diffrence and maybe this is why the 6 steps didn't work for me before and I just gave up on them. I didn't pay attention to all the details.

What kinds of things would you do out of your routine?


by the way this is definately going very well plus we already have over 300 people who have viewed this challenge already and we are only on the 3rd day. I hope it helps many many people!

Mike