Having trouble accepting it's anxiety - fear of dying

[AliButtons]

Hey everyone. First post here. I'm Ali and I'm 26. In February I was in the car with my Mom and the next thing I knew, my entire left side went numb and I immediately panicked and called 911. I thought I was dying and was telling my Mom I loved her and my goodbyes. After a CT scan, EKG, chest x-Ray, and tons of blood tests, they told me I had a huge, out of the blue panic attack, pumped me full of Ativan and sent me home.

Over the next few weeks after that, it happened every few days and I was absolutely convinced I was dying. I went to Urgent Care twice, only to be given Xanax. I'm bipolar, so when they tried adding new meds, they interacted with my medications and I got extremely depressed and suicidal, leading me to admit myself to two mental health units in the past two months.... which only made it worse. Nobody helped me deal with my anxiety... just pumped me with more medications that made the depression/anxiety worse. I ordered this program because I am desperate.

After doing the second session, the attacks have gotten shorter, but I still have that obsession that I am medically sick and I'm going to drop dead. I'll just feel "weird" out of nowhere. I get tingles a lot. I also will be fine one second, and then I'll just feel like my life is draining out of me. All of my blood tests came back perfect and my blood pressure is perfect (we have a machine at home and I take it when I feel scared and it's always normal).... so I don't know why I can't accept this as anxiety. I am on 2 1/2 mg of Klonopin a day right now (I cannot live without it, yet) and my Mom says some of my symptoms can very well be side effects, but I still believe that I am sick and dying of a neurological or heart condition.

Please tell me somebody can relate. Even as I type this, I feel "weird" and really weak. I am focusing on my heart beat and the burning/tingling in my head, trying so hard not to convince myself that I am about to drop dead.

[Iwillbebetter]

From the sounds of what you are saying it is anxiety!! The fact that after session 2 you were able to shorten them! You have had all the test, you are not going to die. Sounds like you are having scary thoughts, you can get past it. Just stick with the program. When you start having one of those moments when you first start feeling it try to figure out what you were just thinking.... it's amazing what our thoughts can do to us or lead us to do without us even really realizing what is going on!! You are NOT going to die!! You will be okay!! You CAN get past this!!

[CreativeRach]

Thank you so much for posting this. I had a very hard time accepting that my body feelings were just anxiety too. This is my second time through the program, and I can tell you that this is anxiety. There is nothing wrong with you. You will not pass out, go crazy, or die. I am so proud of you for reaching out in all the ways that you have! It's not easy, but it is worth it. Keep your head up. Things will get better. All you can do in life is your best, and your best is good enough. These symptoms are there to tell you that something else is bothering you. Find out what that is, journal about it, be completely honest with your feelings and yourself. There are no right answers. You are a very strong individual to reach out for all the help you have. Continue reaching out. Things will get better, but it's not going to be instant, it's a process of recovery. Do not fret, the worst is over, now you are learning skills to help you cope better, and understand anxiety and depression. You are a wonderful, smart, talented, courageous individual. I hope you have a wonderful day. It's just anxiety. It will pass. You are doing phenomenal.

<3 Rach