How do I compromise with spouse on parenting?
I have a five year old son and I try hard not to baby him too much. He is five years old right? He has to make some mistakes on his own. His mother and I do not agree on how to treat him when he is not listening. I also feel that she gives in too early and gives him what he wants. I do try to talk to her about it, but she always says that he is just a kid and that I am treating him like he is older and expecting too much. What can I do to get on the same parenting page here?
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Guest
I do agree that a five year old needs lots of guidance, unconditional love, etc. I think at that age that allowing them to make mistakes on their own is not the best course of action. That could foster insecurity in him, and could instill a feeling within him that you are not looking out for him. Allowing them to make mistakes comes later, in adolescense, when they are more emotionally mature, in my view.
My wife was a great Mother and I am very fortunate to have had her to help my son mature. Looking back, she was totally trustworthy and had great judgment and discernment which I didn't see at the time.
A 5 year old is a child, barely out of the womb. I'm not sure what you are trying to say here. I would guess some 5 years olds may not listen too well either at times. Their attention span at that age is very limited. You have to get in what you want to say in about 15 seconds to half a minute. That's all the time you've got.
I'm not sure you can "baby" a 5 year old too much. They still are "babies". Just my view.
A child must have unconditional love as well as a lot of instruction and guidance as they grow up. That means quite a bit of time spent with the child, not just Mom but Dad as well. Some discipline is called for at times also, but I see it as doling out love to discipline in about a 10 to 1 ratio.
My wife was a great Mother and I am very fortunate to have had her to help my son mature. Looking back, she was totally trustworthy and had great judgment and discernment which I didn't see at the time.
A 5 year old is a child, barely out of the womb. I'm not sure what you are trying to say here. I would guess some 5 years olds may not listen too well either at times. Their attention span at that age is very limited. You have to get in what you want to say in about 15 seconds to half a minute. That's all the time you've got.
I'm not sure you can "baby" a 5 year old too much. They still are "babies". Just my view.
A child must have unconditional love as well as a lot of instruction and guidance as they grow up. That means quite a bit of time spent with the child, not just Mom but Dad as well. Some discipline is called for at times also, but I see it as doling out love to discipline in about a 10 to 1 ratio.
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Guest
High John P and Don,
That is very good advice Don. I had to learn about disciplining my boy. I think the best thing you can do in disciplining is to keep it from being physical, but if it must set a limit on yourself by making clear how many wacks for the offense. It is probably best to never disciplining children when you are angry. You need the time out.
But the best is always find a means that is directly related to the offense. For example, if the children are fighting with each other, as they often do. I would sit each them in a high chair in opposite corners from each other as they face each other. That is always a good one and before long, they will be realizing how much each means to the other. That's just an example. Sometimes, the discipling of children can be a great learning tool and challenge to your creativity. No matter what how you discipline your children it must be done with all love and care and they must understand why what they had done is inappropriate.
When my children were babies and they required correction or discipline, it was always a subject of pillow talk at the end of the day, and many times it would cause us a source of joy for the good example and choices we made in what we did to help correct the child.
Just sharing this is bringing a smile to my face as I recall these things.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman5256
That is very good advice Don. I had to learn about disciplining my boy. I think the best thing you can do in disciplining is to keep it from being physical, but if it must set a limit on yourself by making clear how many wacks for the offense. It is probably best to never disciplining children when you are angry. You need the time out.
But the best is always find a means that is directly related to the offense. For example, if the children are fighting with each other, as they often do. I would sit each them in a high chair in opposite corners from each other as they face each other. That is always a good one and before long, they will be realizing how much each means to the other. That's just an example. Sometimes, the discipling of children can be a great learning tool and challenge to your creativity. No matter what how you discipline your children it must be done with all love and care and they must understand why what they had done is inappropriate.
When my children were babies and they required correction or discipline, it was always a subject of pillow talk at the end of the day, and many times it would cause us a source of joy for the good example and choices we made in what we did to help correct the child.
Just sharing this is bringing a smile to my face as I recall these things.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman5256
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Guest
Hi, I've been married for 15 years and have a 13 year old daughter. Moms and Dads are very different parents. I had to learn this when my kid was young. AS a dad I was preparing my child for the world, Mom was nurturing the child as she grew up. this led to some very different parenting styles. I've been in some men's groups where we talked about the differences of dad and mom extensively. this much I do know, Moms treat their children differently than dads, and this is good. There are mommy things a child needs very bad, and daddy things that cannot be left out either. there are many good parenting books, I would say that you both should spend lots of time talking about it, explain your thinking as best you can, be okay that mom is mothering, you keep fathering, and your child will benefit from your focus and love.
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Guest
Thanks for all the advice I agree with all of it and I will need to spend more time discussing things with my wife. I think that taking time to discuss possible punishment with her will show her that I am thinking about his best interests and not just yelling at him right away, or punishing him when I am angry.