9 year old daughter overly sensitive

Faith_TX · Post by **Faith_TX** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 5:47 am

My daughter has been coming home telling me about these girls 'picking on her' in class and crying at school. I talked to the teacher today and she said that my daughter gets upset easily and has a hard time letting things go and calming down. When my daughter tells the story, she makes it sound like the other girls are being mean to her for no reason, however the teacher is telling me that she just gets upset about some little thing, gets mad. . .and can't calm down.

She suggested that we try to have more conversations about how to handle situations, maybe even buy some books or magazines to talk about together and help her figure it out. She also said it's important to work on her self-esteem. I've always tried to be very positive with my daughter and compliment her on her successes. I'm also a very sensitive person, and at times have a hard time letting go of things when someone hurts my feelings.

What types of suggestions do you guys have for me to help my daughter grow stronger in this area? The teacher said she cried three times during class yesterday, and cries probably 3 days out of the week every week. I want to help her but obviously I can't do it for her. . .

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Apr 14, 2009 8:27 am

Also. . .. A couple weeks ago we went to the park with her little brother and a girl that lives down the street. They were making something in the sand box. This boy came along and messed it up. The other two kids decided to just join in with what the other kid was doing. My daughter got so upset and was screaming and crying so much that I decided to call it a day. In this case she didn't know the boy so it wasn't a matter of him knowing and pushing her buttons. I need to help her learn to blow stuff off.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:37 am

I believe your daughter when she says the girls are being mean to her. This amounts to Bullying. Your daughter may be giving off signals of low self worth and that makes her shark bait. Acute Stress over a long period of time will amount to PTSD.
Is there anyone in your family who has low self worth or lacking a sense of self. Where is she getting this low self image from?

About positive reinforcing: You can tell her how good she is, how competent she is all day, every day to build up her low self worth. Keep in mind that your words will NEVER over-ride the little voice inside her head that keeps reinforcing that she's a loser, a victim. I wasn't able to over-write the program that was playing in my daughter's head. And how I tried.

It's the Acute Stress you need to focus on. What's the advantage of your daughter going daily to obtain an education when Acute Stress may eventually break her spirit and her health?

Are there any schools in your area where she doesn't have to be in a Jungle. Small groups of 9 - 10 in a class where everyone are close and friends. If your daughter is ultra sensitive, she needs time to mature that part of her and grow that thicker skin. In hindsight, I would have home schooled my children until they were ready and strong enough to hold their own with the other beasts of the jungle. Public school isn't for everyone, children mature different parts of their developmental process at different rates.

My suggestion is: focus your energies on diminishing or eliminating the "Acute Stress" that your daughter is being subjected to daily.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 6:54 am

Thanks for your reply. I would say both of us to some extent have low self-esteem. I'm probably worse than hubby is in that area at least on the outside. I worry a lot about what people think. I try to keep my concerns from my daughter but she's smart.

I wish private school or home school was an option, but i'm not sure that it is since we are barely getting by on two incomes as it is now.

About positive reinforcing: You can tell her how good she is, how competent she is all day, every day to build up her low self worth. Keep in mind that your words will NEVER over-ride the little voice inside her head that keeps reinforcing that she's a loser, a victim. I wasn't able to over-write the program that was playing in my daughter's head. And how I tried.

I'm not understanding this part. . . you are saying to build it up every day but then you say it will never override the voice in her head. In your opinion which is it? It seems like conflicting statements here.

I just emailed my counselor. I might go in and get some advice on how to make things better for her.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:23 am

There's always going to be bullying going on and it stinks. The teacher is right in that she needs to learn to handle it and there's a chance that she's easy to pick on because they know how sensitive she is. Can you teach her to laugh at that kind of stuff? That might be the best way. Look at the dynamics at home, when things don't go right for her, how does she respond? Just tell her "no big deal" or laugh WITH her when things don't go right. I deal with a sensitive 10 year old but his problem is he gets grumpy and it's hard to pull him out of it.

You CAN help her - you are the mom and have a huge impact on her well-being, she's going to emulate you in life.

When I wrote she needs to learn how to handle it, I was referring to mild teasing, not physical bullying - that obviously shouldn't be allowed.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:45 am

It's teasing. . .

And as far at home. . . well my husband told me that last night they were at the store and her and her brother were playing. She fell and was embarrassed so much that she wanted to leave the store because she didn't want to be near the people that saw it.

She gets upset by things such as the incident at the park too. . . even if someone's not teasing her, but things just weren't going exactly her way. She does need to learn to blow stuff off.

My friend at work said I need to tell her some good snappy come-backs to say to the girls. I've never been that great at that either. I would just keep quiet and wait for people to leave me alone. I would not talk back. I wish I had!! Here's my chance to teach her to.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 08, 2009 2:46 am

I can totally relate to you on this, Though my daughter was physically bullied at school and the principle knew about it and NEVER called me. I heard from another mother and was furious. I demanded she be removed from the class that day and she was. But my daughter is overly sensitive to, so I have to really pay attention to the things she tells me and and watch her reactions as she tells me to see what is true and what is not. I have trouble trying to help her myself and don't know what to do. I also have the issue of her not listening to me at all and doing what she is told when SHE decides to and that really plays badly into my anxiety. She is a good kid, but I have alot of issues with her. So you are not alone on that for sure. They say your kids are a reflection of you, that really scares me because she also deals with very bad anxiety and she is nine.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 08, 2009 2:53 am

Things have gotten better for us. I have given examples of how to handle the other girls; things to say. Act more aloof, for example. Now that she's not chasing after them they seek her out more. She is focusing more on friendships that she enjoys and that enjoy her and the "mean girls" are being nicer since she is holding her head high.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 08, 2009 3:11 am

Originally posted by Faith_TX:
It's teasing. . .

And as far at home. . . well my husband told me that last night they were at the store and her and her brother were playing. She fell and was embarrassed so much that she wanted to leave the store because she didn't want to be near the people that saw it.

She gets upset by things such as the incident at the park too. . . even if someone's not teasing her, but things just weren't going exactly her way. She does need to learn to blow stuff off.

My friend at work said I need to tell her some good snappy come-backs to say to the girls. I've never been that great at that either. I would just keep quiet and wait for people to leave me alone. I would not talk back. I wish I had!! Here's my chance to teach her to.

I just read this now - I hope it's not too late to make a suggestion. Re the part about her falling - she needs to see someone else fall and laugh at themselves! Maybe you? Can you trip or do something really obnoxious and embarssing in a public place in front of her so you can just laugh at yourself?

I was thinking about American Idol last week when Danny Gokey screamed at the end of a song and it was SOOOOO bad and off key. People were making you tube videos of it, laughing and mocking him, even making ring tones out of it. Well, when they asked him about it the next day, he said he played it back and heard the scream - he said he LAUGHED so hard through the whole song and the rest of the day about it.

Can you imagine if he didn't laugh about it. If he stuck his tail between his legs and looked embarassed. He just has that natural confidence, like nothing is going to get him down. This is SO important Faith!

I hope you read this today, so that you can take the time this weekend to plant a seed about laughing at yourself. That really is the best way to handle this.

God bless you!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri May 08, 2009 3:31 am

I laugh at myself all the time. I don't care if I look like a dork. I am sort of a dork. LOL

However, if I fell like that in front of everyone and her she would be incredibly embarrassed. Part of this is I believe my husband's side of the family. They're all about looking proper and in control all the time. His mother was an alcoholic but it was hidden and everyone pretended everything was OK.

I want to fall like someone on a sitcom. . . squirt milk out my nose laughing. . . you think that would work? LOL