Ex friend who is now seeing my son

Kim Doc · Post by **Kim Doc** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:42 am

Hello all,

I am hoping to get as much advice on this issue as possible, to help me deal with it. I have no more family, as they have all passed and no one to talk to it about. My husband remains neutral and is no help to me with it.

Here is my delemia. I had ( notice I say had) a friend who is 40 yrs of age ( I am 49) who I thought was the greatest friend in the world, until she has done. She was invited to a party at my house ( as a friend) with her date she brought.
Apparently she has a fettish for younger men and that night she exchanged numbers with my 26 year old son.
Several weeks passed and she broke the news to me that they were" talking".

During this time, my son was living with a very nice girl ( for about 3 years) whom we thought would be his wife one day. Apparently not the case.
To make a long story short, this "so called" friend of mime coaxed my son to leave this woman ( with out me knowing) and got me involved ( with out me knowing ) and used me as a pawn to her little scheme, to move my son out and away from his girlfriend at the time. He has now been with the cougar since.

After time passed, we have found more and more negative things about this woman. She comes from 3 failed marriages. She is a neglectant mother, who leaves her children unattended all the time. Had restraining orders placed on her parents because they contacted my husband and I, to warn us of their daughter. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?????? Her own parents!!!
The list goes on and on as what she has done..

Any way, we just had the news broken to us that my son is moving in with her this weekend, which my family is disturbed over.

I especially am having a difficut time dealing with this because of the betrail issue. It is causing problems with my marriage etc...

Help, I need advice on how to deal with this difficult issue.

Thank you all,
Kim

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:29 pm

She was what you thought was your "greatest friend" and you didn't know any of this? You didn't know ANYTHING about her?

I'm sorry that you're feeing so bad, but your son is a grown man. You gotta let him live his life the way he wants to.

There's really nothing you can do about it, except try to talk to him.

You have to find a way to not focus on them.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:19 pm

Hi Kim,
That has to be totally devastating. I can not imagine that happening. Women are trifling in all types of ways, and sounds as though you would have never imagined her doing such a thing. I am so ashamed of her for that!
Your son obviously likes her a lot to leave his girlfriend and to start dating her. I know it hurts but he is grown and unfortunately he will most likely stay with her until his eyes open to see this woman for who she really is.
I pray that he sees that he is not in a good situation. I know this hurts you because I have a child myself and you just don't want anyone to hurt them at all. I feel your pain.
I pray things work out for your family.
(((Hugs)))

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jun 04, 2010 5:22 pm

Hi Kim

,
I can only begin to imagine how "betrayed" you must feel!!! I was betrayed by my ex daughter-in-law and I loved her dearly!!!

I also have a son who is 26!!! In fact, I only have one son and one daughter!!! I am 47, so we are around the same age...

My ex daughter law betrayed me horribly!!! She wanted to get her driver's license, but no-one would go with her to teach her how to drive!!!

I asked if she had a legit permit, and I saw her look straight at that permit, and she said that it had NOT expired!!!

I need for you to understand that she was a very, very poor driver, and I was putting my life at stake, just allowing her to drive me in my vehicle!!! Plus, I could have gotten into some major trouble, if we had been pulled over by the cops, or if she had an accident!!!

I allowed her to take me as far as 70 miles away to other counties, every single day for at least a week!!!

I was terrified of her driving!!! She did not know when to yield over into other lanes, and when I would tell her, that she needed to, then she would not check her mirrors, nor her blind spots!!!

Anyhow, I kept allowing her to drive me around in my vehicle, never suspecting for one moment, that she was driving me on an expired permit!!!

Then, came the day to get her license!!! When I went up to her apartment to get her, she did not seem to want to go...which, seemed very "suspicious" to me..

So, I asked to see her permit!!! When I did, then I was in total shock!!! The permit had been expired for at least 2 years!!!

I was sooooo very hurt and angry!!! I didn't go through all of that riding for nothing, so I told her that I would take her to go and try for her permit the following week!!!

My heart was crushed and I felt soooo very betrayed!!! I could not get over the hurt and anger on my own!!!

So, I went to church that very weekend, and asked to be anointed with oil for a need!!! I never told anyone what that need was, because God knew, and that was good enough for me!!!

Whenever I walked out of my little church, every single bit of the anger and hurt had vanished!!! It was as though, she had done nothing wrong to me!!! It was almost "unbelievable"...I was healed from the hurt and pain, which she inflicted upon my heart!!!

I took her to get her permit, then I taught her how to drive and I took her to get her driver's license!!!

God is sooooo very good, because I trusted her with all of my heart, and there is absolutely no way, I could have gotten over the hurt and anger on my own!!!

Needless to say, that marriage ended in divorce!!! My ex DIL had a major problem with lying and was very deceptive!!!

When their marriage ended, I missed her with all of my heart!!! I loved her sooooo very much, and I felt like I had lost my very own child!!! It was a horrible time for me!!!

God has healed that pain, now!!! I still love her, but I don't miss having her in my family!!!

I can look back and see how God worked in such mysterious ways on behalf of me and my little family!!!

My son is remarried and he and my new DIL both attend church!!! Both have been saved and baptized!!! It is all sooooo much better!!!

Sometimes, we don't understand why things happen in this life, or why people do the things they do!!!

In the end, it all resolves or dissolves!!!

I know this is one long posting, but I just wanted you to know, that you will move on, and so will your son!!!

This is just someone new to him right now, but I guarantee you, that he will be sick of the relationship, within a few months!!!

And you have learned a very "valuable" lesson through all of this!!! This lady was NOT your true friend and was just using you!!!

It is her loss, my dear friend!!! In the end, you will be able to see all of this soooooo very clearly!!! Life is soooo full of lessons, and we never get to old to learn!!!

I am going to pray that God mends your heart and takes away that pain and anger, just like HE did for me!!!

And I am also going to pray for your son!!!

I pray you have a wonderful night's rest knowing that God is in control of every single "aspect" of our lives!!! Cloie

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jun 05, 2010 12:56 pm

Kim Doc,

I was in a similar situation (only it was my daughter). She got involved with her step-dad's brother who was much older. I too felt betrayed--and rightly so.

Ultimately, I had to realize that she was an adult and although this decision was not in her best interest, I trusted that he was not able to sustain a relationship. So I just kept in contact with her and encouraged her (very gently) to make choices that were healthy and eventually, she chose to leave him.

I trusted that the things I had instilled in her, like standing up for herself, and not accepting disrespect and mediocrity were stronger than an unhealthy relationship. In the end, she chose to stand up for herself. In the end she chose to be respected and not mistreated. She chose life and health over a stagnant, dysfunctional relationship.

It is crucial as a Mom to let your adult children know you love them no matter what and support them even when they are in a place you don't ultimately agree with. That shows them respect. Eventually, he will come around and see the light. Your ex-friend won't be able to keep up the facade for long. Since she has already had 3 failed marriages, it's only a matter of time.

Keep loving your son. Keep communication open. And be ready to guide him with healthy principles you are learning here. Don't engage in conversations with the ex-friend. Stick to talking with your son. He will need your support very soon.

Stay positive for the both of you.
Take Care!