Ok, so when your thoughts are stuff that can really happen and it is not far fetched how do you counter act that with a positive because it seems so fake...
Ex: I am pregnant and thinking that my baby might be born early or with a mental problem or something is something that GOD forbid could happen, and I try to tell myself that it is fine and that he is fine and I just can't stop thinking about it..
What do you do????
I know that this is the big fear in my life and I tend to look here for the reassurance alot but this helps me to talk about it.
Please Help!!!
Ok Ok another test of fate!
Candi, I know this is not easy but you must develop the habit of no more future worries. Most of things in life we do not have control over - except how we react to our thinking, to our feelings, to events in our lives.
Never, NEVER, acknowledge a what if thought. And, you can see why, I'm sure. Because it never stops. It snowballs into something else. First of all, your concerns are normal. Your obessing is what is troubling you. You are also resisting what you are thinking. Resistance keeps the thoughts in place and coming back over and over. Practice allowing them to come and go. Thoughts (even real worry thoughts) are JUST THOUGHTS. They are not a call to action, nor does your mind have a crystal ball. You have obsessive thinking and THAT is what must be addressed. It sounds like you are taking very good care of yourself. ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY. Notice the wonderful day to day changes that take place and put your focus on those things.
Remind yourself all the time that: I do not have to follow the thinking of my thoughts. I do not have to "go there" anymore. PERIOD. Say no more. Do not argue with this part of yourself. Take charge, Candi, by refusing to talk back to your thoughts. "I do not have to go there anymore. Use thought stoppage, calm breath (your baby will love this) and attention shifting.
Never, NEVER, acknowledge a what if thought. And, you can see why, I'm sure. Because it never stops. It snowballs into something else. First of all, your concerns are normal. Your obessing is what is troubling you. You are also resisting what you are thinking. Resistance keeps the thoughts in place and coming back over and over. Practice allowing them to come and go. Thoughts (even real worry thoughts) are JUST THOUGHTS. They are not a call to action, nor does your mind have a crystal ball. You have obsessive thinking and THAT is what must be addressed. It sounds like you are taking very good care of yourself. ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY. Notice the wonderful day to day changes that take place and put your focus on those things.
Remind yourself all the time that: I do not have to follow the thinking of my thoughts. I do not have to "go there" anymore. PERIOD. Say no more. Do not argue with this part of yourself. Take charge, Candi, by refusing to talk back to your thoughts. "I do not have to go there anymore. Use thought stoppage, calm breath (your baby will love this) and attention shifting.
"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)"
Thanks Boon, I know that I have to let go of the thoughts but I can't seem to wonder if I am fighting them. I will give you some thoughts and responses that I give myself.
Ex: If I am walking down the stairs I sometimes think, "what if I fall down and hurt myself or the baby?
My response: Stop it Candi that is not going to happen you and the baby are fine.
Ex:I go through spurts of the baby moving around alot and then he will not move around alot, my thought is "what if there is something wrong with the baby if my worring is causing him not to move or something"
My response: Stop it Candi both me and the baby are doing fine he is just not big enough for me to feel all the time.
But even all these response seem like I am lying to myself.
Can you help please because you seem so positive and on top of this anxiety thing..
Candi
Ex: If I am walking down the stairs I sometimes think, "what if I fall down and hurt myself or the baby?
My response: Stop it Candi that is not going to happen you and the baby are fine.
Ex:I go through spurts of the baby moving around alot and then he will not move around alot, my thought is "what if there is something wrong with the baby if my worring is causing him not to move or something"
My response: Stop it Candi both me and the baby are doing fine he is just not big enough for me to feel all the time.
But even all these response seem like I am lying to myself.
Can you help please because you seem so positive and on top of this anxiety thing..
Candi
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Guest
Sometimes it is helpful to soothe and sometimes it is helpful to say nothing. It's time to bring out the "big guns". Don't reply anymore except for one thing, Candi: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL HANDLE IT. Do this exercise for one full hour. Say nothing else but the above statement - just for one hour. Then extend the time by 30 minutes everyday. You are creating a new habit. (Understand that your worrying is not going to change anything. You are not trusting yourself right now. The above statement will put a message in your brain that you are now trusting yourself.)
Your problem is not what is being said in your head. Your problem is you are giving energy to what is being said. You are talking to it and you are resisting it. The above exercise will really help you with this.
Once a day you can allow yourself to worry on paper for 20 - 30 minutes only. Worry your heart out. Put your tablet away and worry again at the same time tomorrow until pretty soon those worries won't haunt you anymore. You'll desensitize to them and you will see that you really don't need to focus on them at all.
You can also write a success story on your entire pregnancy and read it daily.
Work on these things - faithfully - and you'll see results.
Your problem is not what is being said in your head. Your problem is you are giving energy to what is being said. You are talking to it and you are resisting it. The above exercise will really help you with this.
Once a day you can allow yourself to worry on paper for 20 - 30 minutes only. Worry your heart out. Put your tablet away and worry again at the same time tomorrow until pretty soon those worries won't haunt you anymore. You'll desensitize to them and you will see that you really don't need to focus on them at all.
You can also write a success story on your entire pregnancy and read it daily.
Work on these things - faithfully - and you'll see results.
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Guest
I have also noticed that picking a phrase (mine often changes day to day) and only allowing yourself to say that phrase for those times where you feel immersed in negative, anxious worrying. I've used, "This too, shall pass", "I am strong", "I will accept and let go"- just some examples. I was amazed at the relief I felt, almost right away. If you focus solely on that phrase, and it naturally travels to the background of your mind, you automatically block the negative what ifs and your mind gets much needed rest.
I find that once I say the phrase over and over again, when it feels like it's been 1000 times, I eventually believe the thought and start to see a bit more rationally, which always comes when we decrease our anxiety levels. The problem when we are in an high-anxious state, rationality DOES NOT WORK most times, it's just too hard to combat the hundreds of negatives that have become our automatic responses. So by picking a phrase, completely immersing yourself in repeating it over and over and over, it gives our mind a bit of a break from the constant worry that we don't even realize we're in.
Give it a try- give it many tries, it might take a few days to really get hte hang of. But don't give up, be patient with yourself- it will come.
I find that once I say the phrase over and over again, when it feels like it's been 1000 times, I eventually believe the thought and start to see a bit more rationally, which always comes when we decrease our anxiety levels. The problem when we are in an high-anxious state, rationality DOES NOT WORK most times, it's just too hard to combat the hundreds of negatives that have become our automatic responses. So by picking a phrase, completely immersing yourself in repeating it over and over and over, it gives our mind a bit of a break from the constant worry that we don't even realize we're in.
Give it a try- give it many tries, it might take a few days to really get hte hang of. But don't give up, be patient with yourself- it will come.
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Guest
Originally posted by Boon:
Sometimes it is helpful to soothe and sometimes it is helpful to say nothing. It's time to bring out the "big guns". Don't reply anymore except for one thing, Candi: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL HANDLE IT. Do this exercise for one full hour. Say nothing else but the above statement - just for one hour. Then extend the time by 30 minutes everyday. You are creating a new habit. (Understand that your worrying is not going to change anything. You are not trusting yourself right now. The above statement will put a message in your brain that you are now trusting yourself.)
Your problem is not what is being said in your head. Your problem is you are giving energy to what is being said. You are talking to it and you are resisting it. The above exercise will really help you with this.
Once a day you can allow yourself to worry on paper for 20 - 30 minutes only. Worry your heart out. Put your tablet away and worry again at the same time tomorrow until pretty soon those worries won't haunt you anymore. You'll desensitize to them and you will see that you really don't need to focus on them at all.
You can also write a success story on your entire pregnancy and read it daily.
Work on these things - faithfully - and you'll see results.
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Guest
Good advice Boone. However I would add one word to your "big guns" statement. .Iwouls use your comment , but would say, No matter what happens, God and I will handle it,,I did basically that statement yesterday , and was overjoyed at the peacefull day I had. I just thank Godfor that great day I think , at least for me including God helps me a lot. God Bless
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lilchrissy
- Posts: 284
- Joined: Sun Feb 18, 2007 3:24 pm
Re:
I sympathize with you Kristen. If you have not already give the TEA forms a tryKRISTEN wrote:Sad but true for most of us anyway. Its a lifelong battle. Its been 20 yrs.for me Longest time off meds has been about 6 mos.
