So Much Guilt
I feel so guilty that I don't have the energy or desire to do alot with my children. The panic attacks made it impossible to do anything with them and now that the medication has them under control, I don't have the energy. Plus, I don't like running around much anymore so they just sit at home bored. I feel horrible about it. I'm also so emotional, they have to witness the daily tears, I have explained to them that's it not their fault but I still can't help but feel guilty for putting them through this. Anyone relate?
Yes, many can relate.
My children are younger and have learned to entertain themselves. I also try to read to them often. I actually like being home. One thing I have done the past 6 months is end the day by tucking each of my 4 children into bed, hug them, tell them I love them (even on the days I feel empty, because love can be an action word), and spend a few moments with them even though I might have made a mess of the day - at least they can go to bed knowing I care and I am trying to overcome this. Now it is a habit for me. Maybe you can find a unique something to do for them at home?
Please take care.
My children are younger and have learned to entertain themselves. I also try to read to them often. I actually like being home. One thing I have done the past 6 months is end the day by tucking each of my 4 children into bed, hug them, tell them I love them (even on the days I feel empty, because love can be an action word), and spend a few moments with them even though I might have made a mess of the day - at least they can go to bed knowing I care and I am trying to overcome this. Now it is a habit for me. Maybe you can find a unique something to do for them at home?
Please take care.
All for His praise, glory and the joy it gives Him.
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
Hugs, In His Love >:D<
Gman9259
"He who dwells in the secret place of the most
high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty"
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Guest
Yes you bet I can reatlate. I am the mother of twins I am 52 yes I carred them and they are mine. Everyday i wake up in severe panic attacks towards them that I can't take care of them that day. I just tried to go cold turkey off my medication to see if that was it but I crashed at the 9th day and ended up in the ER. I feel guilty that I am not the perect mom but I am a good mom and wtih the help of this program i going to choose to do it afraid. I am panic attacking every 20-30 mins they are so demaning and I am so tired from my meds but I do plan to get better. That is all I can do for now. I too have special things I do with them at night I am better by night time. We play games in bed and i wrestle with them and it is the one time of the day I am normal. But I have to overcome that guilt one day at atime like the program says. We are not to live our life in fear and guilt all the time gail
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Guest
Yes yes yes yes! I was just going to post the same thing here -- that I feel so guilty that I can't be more active with my two daughters (ages 4 and 8). It is easier with the 8-year-old, but the 4-year-old requires constant attention, likes to talk all the time, even tries to keep me from looking at a magazine when we are watching Mr. Rogers together.
She always asks to play games and I feel so guilty saying no. I don't say no all the time -- seomtiems I down a steep cup of tea (I know I know, no caffeine!) just to get the energy up to play with her.
Sometimes I find myself resenting her because she wants to much attention and I feel guilty for not giving it to her, which makes me resent her more and not want to play even more -- like a viscious circle. She's only 4 -- I feel so badly!! I WANT to want to play with her! I am just tired, and I want to be able to spend time on the program and work on my limitations and my health, etc.
I am sorry I am not more help to you, momtofour FOUR?!?!?!). But I can definitely let you know you are not alone. I feel the exact same way -- too tired to go out and do things, feeling guilty that they are watching too much TV when I could be doing crafts or something with them, etc. I find myself sometimes launching into a lecture about how "mommies aren't supposed to be playmates"; how I like playing with them but I can't all the time, etc. But I know they just want ME. And I feel there is too little of me to give.
For you, having four kids is a HUGE job, especially when you are dealing with issues of panic and fatigue. I give you so much credit for going through this program! I am sure you are doing so much better than you think with your kids -- I guess it's our nature to be hard on ourselves.
Have you tried praising yourself for the good things you've done for them? Even just getting them breakfast and off to school, or dressed, or whatever you do for them is awesome. I need to remind myself of that too.
Hang in there, and keep posting. Let me know how you are doing.
And anyone out there who can offer some advice, please send it along!
Thanks,
Maureen
She always asks to play games and I feel so guilty saying no. I don't say no all the time -- seomtiems I down a steep cup of tea (I know I know, no caffeine!) just to get the energy up to play with her.
Sometimes I find myself resenting her because she wants to much attention and I feel guilty for not giving it to her, which makes me resent her more and not want to play even more -- like a viscious circle. She's only 4 -- I feel so badly!! I WANT to want to play with her! I am just tired, and I want to be able to spend time on the program and work on my limitations and my health, etc.
I am sorry I am not more help to you, momtofour FOUR?!?!?!). But I can definitely let you know you are not alone. I feel the exact same way -- too tired to go out and do things, feeling guilty that they are watching too much TV when I could be doing crafts or something with them, etc. I find myself sometimes launching into a lecture about how "mommies aren't supposed to be playmates"; how I like playing with them but I can't all the time, etc. But I know they just want ME. And I feel there is too little of me to give.
For you, having four kids is a HUGE job, especially when you are dealing with issues of panic and fatigue. I give you so much credit for going through this program! I am sure you are doing so much better than you think with your kids -- I guess it's our nature to be hard on ourselves.
Have you tried praising yourself for the good things you've done for them? Even just getting them breakfast and off to school, or dressed, or whatever you do for them is awesome. I need to remind myself of that too.
Hang in there, and keep posting. Let me know how you are doing.
And anyone out there who can offer some advice, please send it along!
Thanks,
Maureen
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Guest
It's me again (like my last post wasn't long enough!)
I just re-read your post, momtofour. And you said that you tell your kids it's not their fault. I do that too -- I tell them that Mommy is sick, and it isn't their fault.
I think the fact that we both are sensitive enough to our children's feelings that we know to tell them it's not their fault shows that we are good moms.
So let's pat ourselves on the back!
More pats for me ... I picked up my daughter from preschool, looked at the projects she did and praised her for them, listened to a story she made up for me, made her lunch and ate lunch with her, did a bead project with her (for a short time), read her a story, sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and tucked her in for a nap, telling her she is precious and I love her.
I suppose when I look at it that way, I didn't do too bad of a job today.
Thanks for listening if anyone is out there!
Maureen
I just re-read your post, momtofour. And you said that you tell your kids it's not their fault. I do that too -- I tell them that Mommy is sick, and it isn't their fault.
I think the fact that we both are sensitive enough to our children's feelings that we know to tell them it's not their fault shows that we are good moms.
So let's pat ourselves on the back!
More pats for me ... I picked up my daughter from preschool, looked at the projects she did and praised her for them, listened to a story she made up for me, made her lunch and ate lunch with her, did a bead project with her (for a short time), read her a story, sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and tucked her in for a nap, telling her she is precious and I love her.
I suppose when I look at it that way, I didn't do too bad of a job today.
Thanks for listening if anyone is out there!
Maureen
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Guest
I can completely comprehend the guilty feelings of not having the time or energy to spend with my family. I work 50-60 hrs a week, so I am struggling with potty training and don't feel adequate as a parent. I am on an emotional roller coaster everyday. i cry a lot & feel like curling up in a ball, but that won't fix the problem. I've come to realize that most of my stress & anxiety attacks are brought on by myself. I normally have them because of work. My youngest son is a very strong willed child. Therefore I am reminded of my lack of discipline on a daily basis. I do discipline constantly, but nothing seems to work. I'm very frustrated. Is there anyone else out there feeling like me? I am hoping this program will help me.
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Guest
Hi MLG...
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. How far are you in the program? I am sure it will help you. I still have guilty feelings about not playing with my kids more, but it has gotten better, and I have learned how to talk positively to myself, focus on the positive things I've done for them that day.
I also have a VERY strong-willed child -- she is 9 now, and is so much better, but from ages 1 to 6 every day was a challenge, every minute was a challenge! Every little thing, from brushing teeth to getting dressed to eating to getting in her car seat, etc. was a major ordeal. I found that with her, discipline DOES NOT WORK but only makes things a lot worse.
However, positive reinforcement works wonders with her. Maybe it could work for your son. Try sticker charts for every time he exhibits good behavior, then a reward when he gets 10 stickers. I'm not sure how old he is -- if he's older, it could be a quarter jar or something along those lines.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to work a stressful job out of the home, and then come home to work another stressful job. Try to focus on all the good things you are doing -- bringing home money to take care of expenses, food, shelter, etc. is a HUGE way of taking care of your kids.
Please hang in there and don't give up on the program. I am glad you reached out. It is a good group here!
Take care,
Maureen
I am sorry you are having such a hard time. How far are you in the program? I am sure it will help you. I still have guilty feelings about not playing with my kids more, but it has gotten better, and I have learned how to talk positively to myself, focus on the positive things I've done for them that day.
I also have a VERY strong-willed child -- she is 9 now, and is so much better, but from ages 1 to 6 every day was a challenge, every minute was a challenge! Every little thing, from brushing teeth to getting dressed to eating to getting in her car seat, etc. was a major ordeal. I found that with her, discipline DOES NOT WORK but only makes things a lot worse.
However, positive reinforcement works wonders with her. Maybe it could work for your son. Try sticker charts for every time he exhibits good behavior, then a reward when he gets 10 stickers. I'm not sure how old he is -- if he's older, it could be a quarter jar or something along those lines.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to work a stressful job out of the home, and then come home to work another stressful job. Try to focus on all the good things you are doing -- bringing home money to take care of expenses, food, shelter, etc. is a HUGE way of taking care of your kids.
Please hang in there and don't give up on the program. I am glad you reached out. It is a good group here!
Take care,
Maureen
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Guest
Me again ...
Just re-read your post and noticed you are potty training, so your kids are little. This is the hardest time -- it will get better!
As far as potty training goes, if your child is not cooperating, don't worry about it. Pull-ups are a great invention, and in time, he/she will come around and want to get potty trained to fit in with his/her friends. If this is the strong-willed child you are talking about, the best thing to do is let him/her decide when he/she is ready. Let it be his/her idea. Then it will come much more easily.
You have a ton of stress on you right now ... if possible, maybe you could give up on the potty training for awhile (unless there's a pressing reason for your child to be potty trained at this point.)
Just some food for thought.
Take care of you ... at least try ...
Just re-read your post and noticed you are potty training, so your kids are little. This is the hardest time -- it will get better!
As far as potty training goes, if your child is not cooperating, don't worry about it. Pull-ups are a great invention, and in time, he/she will come around and want to get potty trained to fit in with his/her friends. If this is the strong-willed child you are talking about, the best thing to do is let him/her decide when he/she is ready. Let it be his/her idea. Then it will come much more easily.
You have a ton of stress on you right now ... if possible, maybe you could give up on the potty training for awhile (unless there's a pressing reason for your child to be potty trained at this point.)
Just some food for thought.
Take care of you ... at least try ...