I too just got the program for my son. He has always worried about a variety of topics and in the last few months has added irrational "what if" thinking that is consuming him. There are times when he hugs me very tight and desperately. He sees me as his "safe place" that they talk about in the tapes. It is difficult being a mom and trying to teach him that he is his safe place, not me. But I agree with the thinking. There are so many things out there for kids to process and deal with at this age is an age where they are going back and forth between big kids and little kids. When my son worries, he says he just wants to be little, because his memories of a few years ago seem simpler and happier. It is tough making sure you are there for them, but still working towards them being there for themselves.
I think learning some skills to deal with worry and anxiety as a child is HUGE. They will always need the skills they are learning.
Good luck, we will be thinking of you.
10 year old son is always worried
I have a son .... who is now sixteen... who went through a similar experience... he ended up not even wanting to leave the house. i tried lots of different things... but the things that helped the most were....1) Dont let him know you are worried... that will make the problem worse. Try to reasure him that it will pass and that you totally accept him as he is. Be firm with him... spend some time laying with him... then go down and tell him you will be up in say half an hour or so. Let him know that he is normal... when he knows that it doesnt matter and that you accept hi... it will get better. 2) Give him a special notebook that he can write in....scribble in.... draw how he feels. anything he likes... then tell him that you will only read it with his permition... it really helped my son... it was his release valve and has become a thing that he still uses today... he is nearlly seventeen. Hope all goes well.Well, I am with you all. My 11 year old son and 7 year old both seem to have anxiety issues and I am not surprised due to my severe issues with anxiety. My 11 year old son sounds just like your boy....very involved in competetive sports, and is very good but, never feels like he is good enough. He also worries about everything...last night he just cried over and over about feeling like he is going to fail six grade when he has done fine. He has been so nervous about his new teacher and friends, etc. I will also order the cd today...It would be great if we could all stay in touch that are dealing with these issues...I thank everyone for their replies and suggestions. It can be heartbreaking to watch your child go through this not to mention the strain it can put on a marriage.
I too have a 10 year old (daughter) with what I am guessing is inherited anxiety. I have it, and unfortunately I think she is predisposed in conjunction with probably overhearing me talk to my husband. Her "worries" as she calls them are mostly centered around illness and death. For a 10 year old, she has experienced far too much loss in her life. I bought her a book called "What to Do When You Worry Too Much" from Amazon.com, and we read it and did the activities together. She pulls it out when her worries come back. I also bought her a cd called "indigo child" or something like that, also on amazon.com, and it is a meditation, calming cd for children to help them ease off to sleep. Both seemed to help her a lot, and if all else fails I have her "give" her worries to me to hold at night so she can sleep.
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more about this, it is very sad to have a young child who is already so worried...
Tara
Feel free to pm me if you want to talk more about this, it is very sad to have a young child who is already so worried...
Tara
"If nothing ever changed...there would be no Butterflies." Author unknown
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Christina7116
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Fri Sep 12, 2008 10:13 am
Dear ccmom,
I have been reading some of the posts for your situation. I feel that my 15 year old is going through a period of anxiety. Going to a psychiatrist does not mean you are going to walk out all medicated, but actually might reccommend a good child therapist. I found out a lot about my sons when they were smaller that they would not have told me. I would also reccomend a male therapist, one who is younger looking. Reason, to your son, he won't seem as threatening as an older person would be. Believe me, there are a lot of male therapists out there and they are very good, but do your homework in checking out their practice. After I did that....one day in the car, my husband and I were talking about my son's old school and Nathan just blurted out, "She always yelled at me, when I couldn't get it." My jaw just dropped. When we came to a new town with a better school system, we found out he had a learning disability and that the school he was at did not catch it. This explained why he all of a sudden started kicking a screaming about going to kindergarted at this school. We thought the teacher was the best. I cried over this and made it my priority that he gets any help that is warranted without making him feel different. He is now in High School and is thriving. He still needs to be in special ed classes, but he has never been made to feel like an outcast. Right now I feel that finding the right time to just ask a simple question out of the blue will spur a conversation with my son and being 15, that is hard. I also am starting to do to him what I am doing for myself, making sure that he gets educated on anxiety and the causes of it. Right now, I am trying to get both of my sons off of the caffeine intake that they went overboard with over the summer and get back into the habit of drinking more milk and flavored waters.
For your son, I would start with the therapist to find out the root of his worries, you might be surprised what comes out of the sessions. You also, need to go in with him on those sessions. Take care.
I have been reading some of the posts for your situation. I feel that my 15 year old is going through a period of anxiety. Going to a psychiatrist does not mean you are going to walk out all medicated, but actually might reccommend a good child therapist. I found out a lot about my sons when they were smaller that they would not have told me. I would also reccomend a male therapist, one who is younger looking. Reason, to your son, he won't seem as threatening as an older person would be. Believe me, there are a lot of male therapists out there and they are very good, but do your homework in checking out their practice. After I did that....one day in the car, my husband and I were talking about my son's old school and Nathan just blurted out, "She always yelled at me, when I couldn't get it." My jaw just dropped. When we came to a new town with a better school system, we found out he had a learning disability and that the school he was at did not catch it. This explained why he all of a sudden started kicking a screaming about going to kindergarted at this school. We thought the teacher was the best. I cried over this and made it my priority that he gets any help that is warranted without making him feel different. He is now in High School and is thriving. He still needs to be in special ed classes, but he has never been made to feel like an outcast. Right now I feel that finding the right time to just ask a simple question out of the blue will spur a conversation with my son and being 15, that is hard. I also am starting to do to him what I am doing for myself, making sure that he gets educated on anxiety and the causes of it. Right now, I am trying to get both of my sons off of the caffeine intake that they went overboard with over the summer and get back into the habit of drinking more milk and flavored waters.
For your son, I would start with the therapist to find out the root of his worries, you might be surprised what comes out of the sessions. You also, need to go in with him on those sessions. Take care.
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goodwillchic
- Posts: 31
- Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2008 11:59 pm
I was one of those kids. I worried about everything from people in Africa to my classmates to my family. Heck, I even worried about the Devil - who was praying for him??
My worry often came out at bedtime. Just like adults that was the time when my mind finally had a break from everything else (playing, tv, school, friends) and had a time to settle on my concerns. It got so bad that I cried every night before bed, often sobbing until I gave myself headaches.
My Mom came up with the idea of "worry time". She figured she couldn't stop me for worrying but she could schedule it for a more convinent time of the day. After dinner (but a couple hours before my bedtime), she would sit with me in my room and give me 30 minutes to tell her all about my worries. After the 30 minutes she'd wipe my tears and give me a hug. Then I could watch TV or whatever for another hour or so before bed. Then I was able to go to bed peacefully as I had already done my worrying for the day.
She gave me control over my worry. I didn't have to stop worrying (impossible!), but I could manage it by scheduling some time for it. Eventually, I didn't need worry time anymore.
Maybe this will work for some of your kids. Especially those who have bedtime trouble or are too young to understand the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program.
Also, a common thread I'm reading in your posts is that you are sleeping with the kids, letting them stay up with you, or they are sleeping with you. You kids want to spend time with you. This isn't just about worry, it's about Mom and/or Dad time...something that maybe they only get when you put them to bed because you are busy. All habits, good and bad, are habits because we gain SOMETHING from it...even kids. If you try "worry time" make sure you sit with your kids during this time, but cut it off at 30 minutes. This way you spend time with you kids, reinforce that it is OK to feel bad sometimes, but the 30 minutes time constraints reiterate that you are the adult and you are in control. This makes kids feel more secure and safe.
Anyway, hope this works for some of your kids!
My worry often came out at bedtime. Just like adults that was the time when my mind finally had a break from everything else (playing, tv, school, friends) and had a time to settle on my concerns. It got so bad that I cried every night before bed, often sobbing until I gave myself headaches.
My Mom came up with the idea of "worry time". She figured she couldn't stop me for worrying but she could schedule it for a more convinent time of the day. After dinner (but a couple hours before my bedtime), she would sit with me in my room and give me 30 minutes to tell her all about my worries. After the 30 minutes she'd wipe my tears and give me a hug. Then I could watch TV or whatever for another hour or so before bed. Then I was able to go to bed peacefully as I had already done my worrying for the day.
She gave me control over my worry. I didn't have to stop worrying (impossible!), but I could manage it by scheduling some time for it. Eventually, I didn't need worry time anymore.
Maybe this will work for some of your kids. Especially those who have bedtime trouble or are too young to understand the Combatting Stress and Depression Program program.
Also, a common thread I'm reading in your posts is that you are sleeping with the kids, letting them stay up with you, or they are sleeping with you. You kids want to spend time with you. This isn't just about worry, it's about Mom and/or Dad time...something that maybe they only get when you put them to bed because you are busy. All habits, good and bad, are habits because we gain SOMETHING from it...even kids. If you try "worry time" make sure you sit with your kids during this time, but cut it off at 30 minutes. This way you spend time with you kids, reinforce that it is OK to feel bad sometimes, but the 30 minutes time constraints reiterate that you are the adult and you are in control. This makes kids feel more secure and safe.
Anyway, hope this works for some of your kids!