my child's anxiety

Pal · Post by **Pal** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 7:57 am

I was wondering if anyone has any advice about my 11 year old. He has a fear of being left alone. Daily before school we have to go through who is picking him up, where, and when. He won't even let me go to the mailbox without watching me go. Well he played football last year and did a great job. This year he told me he didn't want to play. I have figured out a big reason is practice is right after school so we would not be there for his practices. Last year the practices were later so we were there. I don't want him to miss out on things he would enjoy doing because of his fear of being alone.

proudmomof2 · Post by **proudmomof2** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:06 am

Pal, I have the same problem with my son, he is only 5. He wasn't like that initially, but now, like you said, I can't leave the room or he is screaming mom, mom, where did you go?!? I blame myself. About a month or so ago, we were getting ready to move and we had loaded up some things from the old house to take to the new one and my husband and I had driven separately. He told me he was leaving and asked if I was done, I told him no, that I had a few more things to do. He either didn't hear me, or didn't think it would take long, because he went ahead and strapped the kids into their carseats in my car. He left. I came out a few minutes later and saw the car doors open and no kids in my car. Talk about panic attack! I took off around the house screaming for them and found them half way up the street chasing after my husband's truck. They thought we were both in there and had left them. They were hysterical. I felt like the worst mother ever! It broke my heart. They cried and cried and said we thought you left us. Since then, he has to have me in his sights. My daughter is okay with it. Very different reaction, but they are different personalities. My son is quiet and reserved and my daughter is a go getter. I think that has a big part in it all as well. I also blame myself because I wonder if my separation from my husband during the first few months of his life, impacted him some how. I can sympathize. All I can tell you is to keep encouraging him to branch out. My son did not want to play team sports and cried the whole way to the field, but once he got there and saw the other kids, he was fine and had a great time. Does he have at least one good friend he could kind of join acitivites with for a while?

Rachel D · Post by **Rachel D** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:29 am

Yes, I have a seven year old little girl. She started kindergarten when she was five, and cried daily when I would pick her up. She has had a tick where she blinks rapidly and she repeated kindergarten. Last year when school started she developed a phobia about germs, she doesn't want to be away from me. When she started kindergarten thats also when my panic attacks started while driving. It breaks my heart to drive away from school and leave her, I pray for her to just be o.k. when I pick her up. Her docter says she has OCD so she has an appointment with a counciler. I don't wont to put her on meds. I think she is too young for this program though. I hope your child gets better. Rachel

Angla · Post by **Angla** » Fri Jul 25, 2008 9:31 am

Pal
I'm really not sure what the answer is. I have and 11 year old daughter that has anxiety tendancies too. Sometimes she has scarey obsessive thoughts and doesn't like spending the night away from home. Although she does spend the night with certain people. I have just tried to reassure her that these thoughts are just that, silly thoughts, no big deal, just like we learn with this program. Also, I try to reassure her and tell her what a wonderful person she is, that I am so proud of her etc. I try to do this daily, to help her self esteem. One suggestion I will give, and I'm not sure this would even be something you might consider, but I thought it might make him feel more secure and want to go ahead and play ball. I wonder if he had a cell phone, where he felt he could reach you at anytime if that would help. We have not taken that step ourselves, but my daughter is going out of town for the weekend with some relatives and I am sending my cell phone with her. That way I can reach her and she can phone me if needed. I know this may be too big of a step, but I thought it might help, at least for a time. Then the more he branches out, maybe the cell phone wouldn't even be something he relied on.
Anyway that is just an idea. I wish you the very best, just keep reassuring them, and talk to him about what he is feeling, and what he is thinking, that he can share his thoughts with you and that he will be ok. That's all I know to do, and then when they are older and if they need to go thru this program, they can. Good Luck I wish you well.
Your Friend
Angla

Pal · Post by **Pal** » Sat Jul 26, 2008 5:33 am

Thanks all of you for your responses. I did offer to let him have my cell for practices. He has not really admitted to me the real reason he won't play, but I know this anxiety is keeping him from playing. I wonder too if something I did leaving him somewhere in the past started this phobia. I have been through the program, and it does work, but I haven't figured out how to approach it on a child's level. The person that mentioned reassuring and comforting him is so true. I am the negative one, and he has always been a sensitive child. I too don't want him to start meds and really don't think he's at that point yet. Please pray for him. When school starts I know it is going to be hard when all his friends ask why he is not playing this year. The coach even called begging him to play.

galaeve · Post by **galaeve** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 11:47 am

i too have an 11 yr old son that has major panic attacks and anxiety- right now he is battleing with the thoughts that the world is better off without him and that everyone hates him.. He missed a major amount of school last year and I have a realy bad feeling of him going into school this year- there is only so much I myself am able to handle being I have issues too. I dont know what too do i hate myself for not being able to help him

Angla · Post by **Angla** » Fri Aug 01, 2008 4:41 pm

Galaeve,
Hi. I too really don't know the answers here, but do you have the program? I know this is a wonderful program and I am so thankful I have this. It has helped me so much. I highly reccommend you order it if you have not. I'm not sure how much of the program you would want to share with an 11 year old. Not sure they should actually hear all that is on the tapes, but as you go through the program you can share the positives and help him do some of the homework that would benefit him also. Have you talked with his doctor or talked with a therapist? I think I would check into that also.
I wish you the very best, and don't give up, this program has been the answer for me.
Your Friend
Angla

Pal · Post by **Pal** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 6:16 am

Please pray for my son. The football coach has called again giving him one more chance to play. If he doesn't want to play that's fine, but if his anxiety is leading himI don't want to enable him. I can't force him, and all I know to do is let him make the decision. I just don't want his fear to make the decision. Tomorrow is the big day. If he doesn't go to practice tomorrow then he won't play this season. I will support him either way.

Angla · Post by **Angla** » Sun Aug 03, 2008 11:06 am

Pal,
I will be praying for your son and you too. Maybe you can encourage him to go and just be sure he doesn't want to play. Give it a try at practice, and then if he feels the same, that he doesn't want to play, so be it. And all you can do is support him. Maybe if he doesn't play, you can encourage him to be involved in something else, he would be more comfortable with this year. I wish you well and will be praying for you both.
Angla

Pal · Post by **Pal** » Thu Aug 07, 2008 1:23 pm

Well he decided not to play. I wish you could of heard him analyzing everything and talking himself out of playing. A part of me wishes I would have made him go to one practice. I think once he started he would have been fine. He's a great kid, and I am seeing some improvement about being left alone.