Everyone
All of your responses are extremely helpful...I don't hold any bad feelings for my son..I love him and want a healthy relationship with him...I pray for him everyday for protection and that he will come to his senses. I do realize that this is just another tactic to manipulate me into giving him what he wants and allowing him to control me through guilt and fear in order to have a relationship with him. I see this as another opportunity to grow and learn and not panic and fear but use what I have learned through this program and this forum to be a better person. When I see him or hear from him, I will not be critical or judgemental, but loving and caring. I thank God for the truths I have learned and all of you who understand.
Darla
Advice....Dealing with Adult Children...Help!!!
Hi,I`m new here.My name is Tommy.
I believe you are doing the right thing.It`s your house and you say what goes and does not go.I see it as proof you love your son by making him try to see he is responsible for his actions,and that you are not going to try to fix him or cure him.
It is time for you to get on with your life.
I am also a alcoholic and a drug addict,clean and sober right at 20 yrs.I have seen parents do what you did many times and they are the most successful.I wish you the best.
I believe you are doing the right thing.It`s your house and you say what goes and does not go.I see it as proof you love your son by making him try to see he is responsible for his actions,and that you are not going to try to fix him or cure him.
It is time for you to get on with your life.
I am also a alcoholic and a drug addict,clean and sober right at 20 yrs.I have seen parents do what you did many times and they are the most successful.I wish you the best.
Darla,
Boy, your letter pushed a button with me. My oldest son and his wife had money problems, so we said they could stay with us until they got on their feet. After six months of his wife not lifting a finger to do anything and my son trying to control me, my husband who is my sons stepdad, and control everything in our home, we told them starting in 30 days, they would have to start contributing to the home (a little rent from each of them) my son had a fit and said how could you do this. I raised my voice to his wife out of pure frustration with them and to told her she needs to help out in the house. My husband and I started feeling like we were servants in our own home and whats worse, I was afraid to say anything. Finally, its blew up, my son cursed at me, said terrible things to us, and said he will never talk to again until I apolozied to his wife. I said we need to talk, theres much more that just raising my voice at your wife. I said each of us should say how we feel, then come to a resolution. My sons response was "No, 1st you have to apolozie to my wife, then MAYBE we will talk to you! Thats when I decided to not allow him to control me any longer. He hasn't talked to us in three and half years. They have a two year old, who we've seen 4 times, and we wouldn't know this baby if I saw him on the street (pretty sad) and now they have another baby on the way. But, you know, I decided to use tough love and I will no longer be controlled. It hurts alot, but I feel better, not being controlled any longer or afraid to say no to him for fear he would walk out of my life again. Its his problem, I never told to leave, it was his choice, not mine. Suzzie
Boy, your letter pushed a button with me. My oldest son and his wife had money problems, so we said they could stay with us until they got on their feet. After six months of his wife not lifting a finger to do anything and my son trying to control me, my husband who is my sons stepdad, and control everything in our home, we told them starting in 30 days, they would have to start contributing to the home (a little rent from each of them) my son had a fit and said how could you do this. I raised my voice to his wife out of pure frustration with them and to told her she needs to help out in the house. My husband and I started feeling like we were servants in our own home and whats worse, I was afraid to say anything. Finally, its blew up, my son cursed at me, said terrible things to us, and said he will never talk to again until I apolozied to his wife. I said we need to talk, theres much more that just raising my voice at your wife. I said each of us should say how we feel, then come to a resolution. My sons response was "No, 1st you have to apolozie to my wife, then MAYBE we will talk to you! Thats when I decided to not allow him to control me any longer. He hasn't talked to us in three and half years. They have a two year old, who we've seen 4 times, and we wouldn't know this baby if I saw him on the street (pretty sad) and now they have another baby on the way. But, you know, I decided to use tough love and I will no longer be controlled. It hurts alot, but I feel better, not being controlled any longer or afraid to say no to him for fear he would walk out of my life again. Its his problem, I never told to leave, it was his choice, not mine. Suzzie
I could not have said it any better. That is what I see, he's seeking to manipulate you. He says he has no MOM, but it's not out of love but manipulation. I'm really sorry for you and your son. Have you considered writing Dr. Phil? That would be something I would try in your situation. If my son wanted to try and face his demons and get help, I'd do all I could to help. But if he wanted to stay stuck in his own vomit and continue the same behavior there would be little I could do for him. I support your thinking.Everyone
All of your responses are extremely helpful...I don't hold any bad feelings for my son..I love him and want a healthy relationship with him...I pray for him everyday for protection and that he will come to his senses. I do realize that this is just another tactic to manipulate me into giving him what he wants and allowing him to control me through guilt and fear in order to have a relationship with him. I see this as another opportunity to grow and learn and not panic and fear but use what I have learned through this program and this forum to be a better person. When I see him or hear from him, I will not be critical or judgemental, but loving and caring. I thank God for the truths I have learned and all of you who understand.
Darla
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger, the smarter, the faster hand; But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks "I can." Author Unknown
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