anxious to be with kids

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Feb 10, 2009 8:01 am

Interesting. I just logged onto this today and started the program a few weeks ago, and I was secretly searching for someone that had a similar problem, since the program has not mentioned someone with my scenario I wasn't sure I fit the mold. I was pleased to see cl1006 described me to a tee, it seems.

I am a working mom of two - 2 and 3 year old. I cannot for the life of me see what is bothering me or could lead to all this depression and now anxiety. I have, what would appear, the perfect life. I started to feel depressed when my second daughter was about 6 months old (so that's about 2 years ago) and last Oct the stress and depression turned physical and I guess could be considered anxiety now. I assume this b/c I used to just feel down, tired and sad and now it's panicky. I've only started to see one main trigger... when I know I will have to be alone with the kids. I am also overwhelmed with guilt. Guilty for having them in daycare when I know they are ok there and I do like working. I don't think I could be a good stay at home mom = not good for them. I don't get a lot of joy while around them and this saddens me to the core. I look for reasons to be away from them and then I feel guilty. I've tried doing more for myself and it hasn't really helped. (Although I see the logic in it so I continue). I wonder when I'll come out of this - when they are past toddler-hood? The younger one is very trying! My frustration lies in the fact that I WAS a very outgoing, extraverted, powerful, confident, funny, positive person and example to my friends, as recent as two years ago and I cannot get it back! My anxiety has morphed into panicky feelings about social situations, constant thoughts about me and what is going on in my head - when will it end, when will I feel less guilt, etc. I am obsessed with being the perfect mom. (I used to loathe the perfect mom type - now I strive to be one). I can't really see anymore what is just ok and what is an absolute with child rearing.

I wonder how cl1006 is doing now since her post was in Sept of last year. Any tips?

I don't have a lot of the feelings described on the tapes, i.e. the lack of self worth (only with parenting, otherwise, I feel very confident) and panic attacks, so I still doubt every day if it will work, but I am determined to help myself without meds so I persevere. I have always felt more depressed than anxious. Is this program for me?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:49 pm

Frustrated Mom, I do think the program will work for you. I had alot of guilt about putting my son in daycare and it was making me so depressed & anxious. The lesson on Guilt really helped me to make the turn around. But the truth of the matter is that this condition takes time to heal and you need to give the program some time to work. You won't see overnight results. It will just happen gradualy and then one day in a few months you will notice that you are alot better than you were. I did the program and didn't take any meds and it worked. Stay with it and practice it. There will be lessons that really speak to you and others that don't so much, but go through them all because you will find that with each there is something to learn. You will get over this. If I did, anyone can.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Mar 12, 2009 2:02 pm

I am also mom that gets anxious about being at home alone with my 15 month old daughter. I am a stay-at-home mom. I have figured out something......I do better at home with her when we go out first thing in the morning and do something out of the house and then come home close to lunch time. Then she takes her nap not to long after that. It's easier in the afternoon and to be home with her because the anxiety isn't as bad. But she also enjoys this routine. In the evening time I appreciate playing on the floor with her so much more because I haven't done it all day. Before that I would be playing on the floor with her too much during the day. Day in and day out. If there are certain parts of the day where your anxiety is worst than others. Mabye you could plan and activity outside of your home to distract your from it. A good daily routine can help tremendously with panic attacks and anxiety.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Apr 17, 2009 4:43 pm

I know I am a mom of two beautiful girls, and I get anxiety about staying home with them, they've been on spring break this week, and My husband travels and when I think about not getting a break at all for days, I get freaked out. I'll have random thoughts of hurting them, for a split second, like a nightmare, and then instant guilt, remorse, panic, dread, why did I think that? I'd NEVER do that, what if I lost it? Am I normal? What kind of person thinks that?........... I can send myself into panic mode easily. But then I remind myself that those thoughts are NOT appealing, they're NOT comforting, and b/c of the conscience we have, we WON"T lose it, or follow through with any of it. IT's just the current EXPRESSION of our anxiety. example... Husband is leaving for 3 weeks, our brain will think of the most hidious thing it can to distract us from the reality of being alone, well the scary thoughts have succeeded in me forgetting about being alone, now i'm obsessing about losing control and hurting my precious yet at times frustrating kids. I love my kids, it brings me to tears. I instantly try to do postive thought replacement, self talk/love. It's tough to work through, but relaxing, talking myself down, talking my self out of beating myself up with guilt.it's tough, my husbands military and it can be scary, so I pray for peace/ Jesus is my rock.I can do all things through him! And phillipian 4:12 "do not be anxious about anything, but in all things through prayer and petition present your requests to the lord of peace whom transends all understanding and will guard your heart and MIND in christ jesus". This verse is my favorite..... plus a good friend once said, just take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have too. No one is asking us to do more than one day at a time. So we go outside, order in food, or i'll put in a movie and call a friend if I need too. Kids are great, easy to please and if I tell them mommy isn't feeling good ( anxiety to us adults) I get lots of hugs, and 'love you'mommy's. Thats always a boost. plus it feels good to cry, let it out, you have a natural calming reaction after crying, it's a release valve. It's okay to cry, and cry over the phone to your spouse I just start with i'm stressed and need a moment and then cry, my husband will just patiently listen, and remind me i'm doing a good job. Have people you can be yourself with. Blog on stress center, it's really theraputic to see how many other people deal with the same stuff as you. we're not alone, ever. hope this helps someone. much peace and prayers to all of us...

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Apr 19, 2009 4:23 am

I, too, feel a little relief after reading this thread. For me, I find that the thought of taking care of what my kids need paralyzes me and I cannot figure out why. I get so wrapped up in my anxiety and depression, I don't cook, don't clean (not like I should, I do the bare minimum). Just waking in the morning freaks me out when I start thinking that I will have another day ahead of me to fail my kids. Why can't I just do what I am suppose to do? Can someone please explain to me what is wrong??

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:36 am

myturn,

Most moms, especially stay-at-home moms feel like they are not doing it "right" and the we fail miserably everyday. But I don't think we do. I think sometimes we need to allow our minds to withdraw to an extent. We need a mental break to reset. I know this week, I have been kind of checked out a little bit. I haven't felt like I have been doing too much of anything. I have been looking at that as a bad thing. I don't know that I should be because there is so much more to me than being my child's playmate, cooking, and cleaning. These things cannot consume your whole life even though it seems like that's all there is to your life sometimes. God created us for much more than that.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:13 am

Just remember that you ARE taking care of your kids. You are not your thoughts and you are not your anxiety. While the physical symptoms are uncomfortable, they will not hurt you in anyway. Remember to take as much time as you can for taking care of yourself at the end of the day because you are important!