Have you told your kids that you have anxiety? Is that the right thing to do?

curlygirl · Post by **curlygirl** » Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:42 pm

I have an 11 year old son who I share custody with his father. He is home here with myself, my husband and 2 year old about 70% of the time. I feel like a lot a times I am very short fused and irritable with him because he gives me a lot of attitude, sarcasm, and non listening behavior. He stresses me out and when I am feeling anxious, I am ready to explode at anything he says in his smart alec, demanding way. Should I tell him that I have anxiety. that sometimes I don't want him to give me his attitude because I am feeling anxious? Should I explain anxiety to him? Should I explain to him that I am depressed? That I have fibermyalgia?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:26 am

i have three children myself two girls 17 and 15 and a 13 year old son i had told my girls that i was having anxiety problems a while back and they understood and were very supportive and still are my son was a different story i didnt explain to him at first because i really didnt think he would understand well our relationship kinda crumbled in a matter of weeks he is my baby and my only son and was always a mamas boy but slowly he didnt even want to be around me he was mean and obnoxious to me all the time and all we did was fight constantly finally one day i had had enough of his mouth and took him outside in private to talk to him and see what the heck was going on i had asked him several times what was wrong and after about the third time of him saying nothing he broke down sobbing crying he was afraid something was wrong with me and that something was going to happen to me i finally explained to him what anxiety was and that i had it but that i was working really hard to get rid of it and i would be ok we have been fine ever since he is back to himself and i feel better that i dont have to hide from him anymore children understand much more than we think they do and they get frightened hope this helps you a little

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 2:54 am

Please take NO OFFENSE to this comment, but whether you tell your son or not it sounds like he deserves more respect from you than you are giving him. I understand that kids can be difficult and absolutely carry attitude. However, you need to remember that you are not the only one struggling. Kids struggle with their identity all the time and they typically have no idea how to express themselves. Therefore they usually treat the ones they love most the worst...Sound familiar? When we are feeling anxious and fearful and don't know how to express ourselves, who do we typically take it out on? You got it...those we love most. Maybe instead of debating whether you should tell him or not (which i believe is based on the child's maturity level), you should consider what he may be dealing with and reach out and help him. I have found that helping others is WONDERFUL healing for myself.

If you do decide to tell him make sure the reason is for responsibility purposes. At all costs do not burden him with your anxiety. He's 11, he doesn't need that weight on him.

I know that it's difficult to gauge a tone in written form, therefore, I want to again stress that I am intending no offense and not trying to parent for you, I'm just simply passing along lessons I have learned and experiences I have had.

Have a glorious day!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Sep 30, 2008 4:02 am

I have that problem too at times. . . short fuse that is. . . but I would caution against giving too much info. You don't want your kids to feel like it's their fault and it's up to you as the adult to try and get better and be a better parent.

I have had days where I felt REALLY bad and I would tell the kids that I wasn't feeling well and that I was sorry if I was irritable. It seemed to help.