Hi all,
I have kind of a strange and interesting situation going on with my son and wanted to see if anyone had encountered anything like it before. Ever since I started having problems with anxiety again a few months ago, my 4 year old adopted son has started peeing on the carpet in his bedroom. He seems to being doing it out of spite, not quite sure why. We have tried everything from talking to him about why he's doing it (he told us he couldn't make it to the bathroom which I don't believe because his pants weren't wet, and the bathroom is only a few steps away), and we've even punished him for his behavior. I don't know what to do, he won't stop doing it!! Any thoughts?
Any advice on son acting out?
I can see why this would be so frustrating! Is this a nighttime thing? Or is this happening during the day maybe while he is playing? I can think of a couple of ideas...
If this is happening at night after he has gone to sleep, you could try waking him to go for a pee when you go to bed. Does he go to the bathroom before he goes to bed? Does he drink a lot before bed? Have you tried the big kids pull-ups?
If this is a daytime thing, I know that many kids have 'accidents' during play because they don't want to stop playing. My daughter did this right up until she was 8.
Try not to get too upset with your son. If this is an attention thing then even negative attention is better than nothing! Children are very sensitive and so if he has tuned into your anxiety, then you need to let him know that everything is ok and that you love him. A four year old can not understand anxiety, but he can understand that things are different, uncomfortable, etc. He needs you to reassure him...on a four year old's level!
Good luck...I hope that something here helps!
If this is happening at night after he has gone to sleep, you could try waking him to go for a pee when you go to bed. Does he go to the bathroom before he goes to bed? Does he drink a lot before bed? Have you tried the big kids pull-ups?
If this is a daytime thing, I know that many kids have 'accidents' during play because they don't want to stop playing. My daughter did this right up until she was 8.
Try not to get too upset with your son. If this is an attention thing then even negative attention is better than nothing! Children are very sensitive and so if he has tuned into your anxiety, then you need to let him know that everything is ok and that you love him. A four year old can not understand anxiety, but he can understand that things are different, uncomfortable, etc. He needs you to reassure him...on a four year old's level!
Good luck...I hope that something here helps!
-
Guest
-
Guest
We've had this same problem with our youngest. 3-4 years old. Been going on for about 8 months on and off.
She picks up on any extra tension in the house, wherever it comes from. She regressed when we moved and then does again, periodically, with any extra stress in the house.
I read a great article once in a parenting magazine that explained that kids this age don't know how to express themselves adequately (not that we necessarily do!) and this is a symtom of their anxiety.
Don't make too big of a deal out of it. He'll just feel worse than I'm sure he already does. No need to make him more anxious and feel that he has let you down.
Go back to pull-ups for a while. Put a pad on the bed to protect the matress. We've also found that we take her to the bathroom around 11 every night (took a while to find the right time for her) and put her on the potty, regardless. Sometimes she doesn't go, but mostly she does.
Also, during the day, we had to go back to the constant checking in with her about it. It was hard to regress on that once we'd grown out of that stage. Set a timer every 1/2 hour to remind you to check with him. Take a change of clothes with you when you leave the house. I think a little negative reinforcement is okay, but any public embarassment should be enough.
He's a kid. Who knows what goes on in their little heads some times.
She picks up on any extra tension in the house, wherever it comes from. She regressed when we moved and then does again, periodically, with any extra stress in the house.
I read a great article once in a parenting magazine that explained that kids this age don't know how to express themselves adequately (not that we necessarily do!) and this is a symtom of their anxiety.
Don't make too big of a deal out of it. He'll just feel worse than I'm sure he already does. No need to make him more anxious and feel that he has let you down.
Go back to pull-ups for a while. Put a pad on the bed to protect the matress. We've also found that we take her to the bathroom around 11 every night (took a while to find the right time for her) and put her on the potty, regardless. Sometimes she doesn't go, but mostly she does.
Also, during the day, we had to go back to the constant checking in with her about it. It was hard to regress on that once we'd grown out of that stage. Set a timer every 1/2 hour to remind you to check with him. Take a change of clothes with you when you leave the house. I think a little negative reinforcement is okay, but any public embarassment should be enough.
He's a kid. Who knows what goes on in their little heads some times.
-
Guest
Thanks for the replys. From talking to my boys I just found out that it's both of them, the 4 and 5 year old who are both peeing on the carpet in their room. The 5 year old still wears a pull-up because he's not potty trained at night, but what their both doing is getting up out of bed, going to the corner of the bedroom, or closet and actually pulling down their pants and peeing on the floor. I think what makes it harder for me is that the room constantly smells like urine, and our house is only 6 mths old!! I have tried explaining to them that they are making their room yucky by doing this, and have tried to find out why their acting out. All I can think of is that they are doing it because they remember their bio parents, and maybe resent us from "taking" them away from them. I have taken them to the pediatrician who says physically everything is fine with them.
-
Guest
Tough one.
Are they possibly sleep walking? Why did they say they're doing it? Was this something that was acceptable where they lived before? Do they feel the bathroom is too far away? Can you put a training potty in the corner on a mat for them to use for a while? Gradually move it closer to the door, into the hallway and into the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help. Keep in touch. I'm here for moral support if nothing else. Let me know how you're surviving this.
Hang in there.
Are they possibly sleep walking? Why did they say they're doing it? Was this something that was acceptable where they lived before? Do they feel the bathroom is too far away? Can you put a training potty in the corner on a mat for them to use for a while? Gradually move it closer to the door, into the hallway and into the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't be of more help. Keep in touch. I'm here for moral support if nothing else. Let me know how you're surviving this.
Hang in there.
-
Guest
Thanks for all the great advice! I think the younger one is doing it because the older one does it. I talked to my therapist today when I went in to see her. She pointed out something that I didn't think of. These boys used to be locked in their room by their bio parents for 15-16 hours a day and of course once their diapers got full of urine they would probably just pee wherever they could. I'm just so hesitant to use any kind of negative discipline with them at all since it just doesn't seem to faze them. She suggested that I give them some kind of reward every morning for when their carpet hasn't been peed on. I think at this point I'm willing to try just about anything with them! Thanks again for the encouragement!
Becky
Becky
-
Guest
Thank explains alot.
You're right, positive reinforcement is the way to go. How about a sticker chart for the week.
We keep a goodie bag our girls can pick from for a number of things. Stickers for the entire week, an extra good deed, all of their marbles in their "good" jar, whatever. We let them help pick the prizes. It keeps them motivated. Plus, I like the idea of not getting immediate gratification all the time. Although, in this situation, I think they need lots of positives as much as possible, immediately.
Hang in there. You'll get through it.
You're right, positive reinforcement is the way to go. How about a sticker chart for the week.
We keep a goodie bag our girls can pick from for a number of things. Stickers for the entire week, an extra good deed, all of their marbles in their "good" jar, whatever. We let them help pick the prizes. It keeps them motivated. Plus, I like the idea of not getting immediate gratification all the time. Although, in this situation, I think they need lots of positives as much as possible, immediately.
Hang in there. You'll get through it.