not sure i can handle another child with this anxiety and terrible obsessive thoughts

jazeppy · Post by **jazeppy** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:46 pm

I have posted here SEVERAL times and have changes my identity as to not have to deal with the lynch mob!

Karilynn and all these other poster..shame on you for being so judgemental!!!!!!! Who are you guys to say such rotten things to anyone here? No wonder you have anxiety disorders! Just plain mean and nasty. If anyone needs to be slapped, it's you people for thinking your anything less then perfect. Please!

To the intial poster...The mention of not loving another child was brought up. I don't believe you ever stated that in itself would be an issue. You KNOW having already had a child, that it could never happen.

Please put that thought to rest.

I happen to understand Maliklyes advice and agree with her! Having another child can be very stressful when your plate is already full. It does bring on added pressure and it DOES effect the family as a whole if it is something that is forced or rushed into.

My personal opinion....is that your feeling rushed and pressured into a decion that you are not ready to make right now. It feels as though your making a decision based on what may not be possible later...there for I better get while the going is good. NEVER a good time to make such a major, life changing decision. Having another child for your daughter to have a sibling is understandable, but her life can be just as fulfilling without one too. It all stems from YOUR inner peace and happiness. She will feel this. If you make a decision based on your circumstances right now, you may very well feel stress, pressure and resentment at a later date. Will this effect the love that you have for this next child?? IMO..absolutely NOT! Will it inturn effect your inner peace and happiness?? Possibly...and will this in turn effect your first child that your doing this for? More then you know!! Been there. Am here now.

Please be honest with yourself and dig deep to find out what it is YOU truly want. Take time to do this and try to remove from it the time frame by which you THINK it needs to be done. I think if your having to question this, it may be something that you should just allow and trust life to guide you through. Life happens. There is rhyme and reason in it. What is meant for you will happen whether you fight it or not.

As for the anxiety...please don't allow for that to deter you or weight on your decision either way. With or with out it..you can be a great parent!

MALIKYE...Thank you for sharing your views. I admire people who are true to themselves. Your one of them.

Thank you.

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 4:34 pm

THANK YOU JAZ,CRAW AND DEEDEE FOR NOT WANTING TO SLAP ME

.MY CHILDREN WERE YOUNG ADULTS WHEN I DEVELOPED THIS DISORDER. I COULD NOT HAVE DID IT WHEN THEY WERE YOUNG. WOULD HAVE BEEN THE WORST MOTHER ON EARTH. MY MOTHER DID IT WHILE HAVING DEP/GAD. AS A MATTER OF FACT SHE HAD TWINS (FOR THE TWIN GIRL WHO THINKS SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. I WAS TEN,AND MY LITTLE BROTHER WAS SIX. SHE WENT BONKERS,I TOOK CARE OF THEM,CLEANED THE HOUSE,AND SHE WAS ALWAYS SICK. FROM ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS.I HAVE LIVED IT....................MALIKYE

catdr71 · Post by **catdr71** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 6:29 pm

I'd like to start out by saying thank you for each and every reply. I hope I didnt cause any hard feelings between anyone. To answer Bev's questions, i am only on session 4 but seem to be feeling a little better lately. Not on any meds at the time. Afraid to take anything. Not sure where my anxiety is coming from. Started when i was pregnant in birthing classes, had my first panic attack when they were going aroung the room introducing themselves. After that never had another attack until about 2 years later while laying on my couch watching tv. Since then its just been an every day thing. I know i love my daughter and i know i would love another child just as much but my fear is that they both might suffer if i get worse and cant function or i cant control my moods because i get so frustrated sometimes and fly off the handle for small things and then i feel bad after. I just know that if i dont do it now i probrably wont do it and i know that if it wasnt for this anxiety and being so scared that i wouldnt even have to think twice about it. If this was before the anxiety i would have just gone ahead and got pregnant without a second thought. So to everyone who replied to me i'd just like to let you know that i am trying to conceive and i am just going to keep working the program and i will do my absolute best to make both my children and my husband happy. thanx again for all the advise. I truely do appreciate it. Take Care.......Cathy

p.s
Bev, i also stayed home with my daughter until she was almosst 3 years old but when the panic attack hit me on my couch for no reason i decided it was time to go back to work so im back in the office now. Thank you for wanting to understand and for taking the time to reply.

p.s
Dodger, thank you so much for your advise. i would like to take you up on the offer to talk again. I see you quite often in chat so i will talk to you soon. thanks for everything.

bevhembree · Post by **bevhembree** » Sat Jan 12, 2008 8:03 pm

Talk to your doctor about a mild medication safe during pregnancy until you get through this. Hopefully the program with help you deal with the issues. Tellhim all of your symptoms. You may have depression there too. Bev

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:01 pm

Ok, I concur with what everyone is saying. BUT this program teaches us to NEVER EVER shy aware due to fear. SO should she not have a baby coz she had anxiety, coz she is scared... NO.

If you are following this program, and believe it to be true, you should be endorsing the young lady in question to FACE HER FEARS.

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:08 pm

PS- And once more I shall reiterate, my Mum had my older sister(Who was 3), and then twins to contend with WHILST she had full blown anxiety. When people asked her 'How do you cope?' she would say 'I have to, otherwise, they die!' as a joke, but there was some sincerity in that! You will cope, you will always cope! and be a beautiful Mum!

deedee00 · Post by **deedee00** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 2:21 pm

Hi Spunkylaydee. No. No one should shy away from anything due to fear. But, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that people were attacking someone JUST for voicing their opinion. That's wrong because everyone is entitled to that whether the opinion is a popular one or not.

Take care. DeeDee.

Malikye · Post by **Malikye** » Mon Jan 14, 2008 6:01 pm

WELL SPUNKY, WE CAN DEBATE . SOUNDS LIKE THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT. IT DEPENDS ON HOW EXTREEM THE ANXIETY IS. I'M NOT DISCUSSING ONE CERTAIN PERSON. SO FOR THE FIRST POSTER,I'M SURE IT WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU.
DOES THE PERSON HAVE PANIC ATTACKS? HOW OFTEN?DOES THE PERSON HAVE AGORAPHOBIA? SPECIFIC PHOBIAS,SOCIAL PHOBIA,OCD,PTSD,ASD,GAD,ADDGMC,SIAD?WE DON'T KNOW.
I HAVE A FRIEND HERE WHO IS PREGNANT AT THIS TIME. SHE ABLE TO DO EVERYTHING SHE WANTS TO DO. SHE IS ABLE TO WORK,SOCIALIZE, AND ONLY HAS ONE FORM OF ANXIETY. SHE WILL BE OK

I ALSO HAVE SEEN AND BEEN THERE WHEN CHILDREN ARE REMOVED FROM THEIR HOME.IT IS ALWAYS NEGLECT OR ABUSE. WHY DO PARENTS NEGLECT OR ABUSE? TWO REASONS. MOM LIKES BOYFRIEND BETTER AND ALLOWS HIM TO ABUSE. MOM HAS ANXIETY AND OR DEPRESSION AND ABUSES AND NEGLECTS......MALIKYE

spunkylaydee · Post by **spunkylaydee** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 3:36 am

I sincerely see where you are coming from, and I did write that at the begining of my last post.

I also agree that women that have other issues (ESPECIALLY drug and alcohol problems) might not be fit to raise a child.

Every situation is different, all I was doing was trying to encourage the person that started the post, that she has looked after one child fantastically. And if she just has anxiety, she could do it again. Using my Mum as a story to help inspire and instill some hope

I don't think someone should be attacked for voicing their opinions, and people should not have been agressive.

BTTRFLY · Post by **BTTRFLY** » Tue Jan 15, 2008 4:38 am

I don't think someone should be attacked for voicing their opinions, and people should not have been agressive.

I'm sorry, but aren't you the same person who stated the following:

"I abhor Malikye for saying that!" ABHOR? Pretty strong, aggressive word, isn't it? Maybe you should apologize for your statement rather than try to now speak for "people".

It is so sad how people on this forum can one day be completely supportive and understanding of each other, and the next jump all over anyone who does not share the "popular" opinion.

Catdr asked for opinions, and this is what she got. In the end the decision to have another child is a huge one, and is up to her and her husband to decide. I understand Malikye's points, as I also understand the points of everyone else on here. I am pregnant with my third baby, and this is the first (and last) with anxiety. It has had hard parts, but overall it has been worth it and while I am nervous about adding a third child with my anxiety, it will be okay.

And you will be okay either way, Catdr. If the pregnancy does not work out, there is adoption as well. You should not feel rushed into a big decision like another pregnancy because of anything other than a strong desire to have another baby, which I think is what Malikye and Deedee both touched upon. To get pregnant simply to "face a fear" is a pretty irresponsible piece of advice, as we are talking about another human being's life here, not just facing some phobia. But it does not sound like this is your reason for trying to conceive, and I am sure you will continue to be a wonderful Mommy to your 3 year old and to who ever else comes into your life in the future

No matter how bad anxiety gets, we love our babies and take care of them always. Good luck to you, and keep us posted.

Hugs, Tara