back with a vengeance..

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Mom of 6
Posts: 259
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:05 pm

Post by Mom of 6 » Sun Aug 10, 2008 5:54 pm

I'm not doing well at all! I've been reading these posts and for quite a while might I add. I've been here for two years. You've seen my ups and my downs and just a few weeks ago, I was on a "mountain" so to speak. I have a deep belief/trust in God. However, for the last two weeks or so, I seen myself spiral. This morning I woke up with a Panic attack, in which I haven't done in YEARS. Thank God I was able to diffuse it. I got busy with housework. I've had generalized anxiety and depression on and off, however, it's been about 11 years since I've had full blown "panic". I fear hubbys faithfulness to me and sometimes I can get soooo insecure and anxious about it, it almost feels 'real". I feel paranoid now. He leaves on his business trip in just a couple weeks and I don't want to feel this way when he's gone. I have horrible intrusive thoughts and I am experiencing what I think is derealization or depersonalization. I tried asking what this "feeling" was( spacey,dizzy,out of sorts, confused), on another post, but I tried to make a joke of it(ditzy blonde sort of joke). When no one responded, I realized that my joke didn't go over to well so I deleted it. anyways...sorry about that, I'm not too good at jokes ;)
so, I'm now feeling like I am going to go "crazy". For reals this time. The more I continue like this, the more I feel like maybe I DID inherit my mothers mental condition..Paranoid/schizophrenic.. :eek: I read something about this condition on the internet..and I KNOW I shouldn't have..it scared me. It made me feel like my condition is spiralling into schizophrenia..I asked my mother a few weeks ago if she ever had "scary thoughts"..she said " I did when I was younger"..and that scared me too. I just wish this would stop. I've been using my "stop" thought process..I've tried "floating' through it. I am faithful in prayer and I love to read the bible. I've been journalling as well. What is happening to me? I thought that I had this thing beat. Now I'm afraid that I will start having panic attacks in the middle of the night. That is the worst! being tired and panicky just doesn't go well together. Help... I don't want to go through this another day.
Robin
"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63

vicky for God
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue May 06, 2008 9:32 pm

Post by vicky for God » Sun Aug 10, 2008 6:15 pm

Don't do this to yourself, you are a child of Christ. Lean on Him. I read in my Bible study this morning to over come anxity read Gods word out loud. Don't stop even if you feel you are not understanding what you are reading just keep reading, and watch our Father take care of you. Remember when the thoughts come in your head about your husband say no to them. I know it's satan that puts these thoughts in our minds ( it's his battle field) so I found it helpful to say out loud if you can, "lier" because thats what he is a lier. Tell satan you are a child of Christ you do not belong to him and the blood of Christ will protect you. I know it sounds so simple but it is true and powerful. God Bless and keep you

FrancesL
Posts: 44
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:40 am

Post by FrancesL » Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:20 pm

Robin,

I have read a lot of your posts. What has been going on with you lately? How have you been talking to yourself, ABOUT yourself? Have you gained weight lately, noticed a few wrinkles, etc?? Have you felt like you failed at something immportant to you? What thoughts have you been dealing with lately that are bringing down your self esteem? Or, is your husband not paying as much attention to you? I find that sometimes we feel secure because of what someone ELSE is giving us. I have been struggling with similar thoughts as you. I have to keep it in perspective. Example...tonight I was obsessing and worrying about whether my guy wanted to be back with his ex! Why? Because I haven't felt that confident in myself lately...which inturn I think subconciously makes me think how could he want me? It's like you get caught up in it and forget all the things they do that show they really do love you, and want YOU. As I am obsessing about this I started journaling...and was suprised at how easily I forgot that just this morning he came up and hugged me while I was doing the dishes and was telling me he loved me. And this afternoon he came running into the room where I was to show me something he had been working on that he was proud of. And how I am the person he always wants to show these things to and ask what I think about different things. I couldn't believe I was sitting there thinking he wanted to be back with his ex...lol. Girl..it's tough.

What is different in your relationship that may make you think these thoughts...or what is different with you personally that is bringing your self confidence down?

I mean, if you were sitting around thinking what a beautiful, strong, desirable woman you were, would you be dealing with these insecurities? Get to the root as to why this is coming up...and deal with it at the root.

Are you not feeling close to him? Why? Is he showing you how in love with you he is but you have a different love language and so you aren't receiving it that way? What's up?

As far as having another attack...IT'S NO BIG DEAL. REALLY! We aren't gauranteed to never have another attack when we are done with the program. It is just a way of showing you that something(s) are really bothering you...no need to fear the panic. You are just on overload. It happens to us all. You don't have a mental illness honey. When you start to uncover what's going on with you and sort it out, you will get it back on track.
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
The same spirit that lives in you raised Jesus Christ from the dead!

Hey, and even if you had a mental illness (which you don't) you would still be in God's hands...and that means it is all good girl!

FrancesL
Posts: 44
Joined: Fri Jul 18, 2008 1:40 am

Post by FrancesL » Sun Aug 10, 2008 7:23 pm

Plead the blood of Jesus over your mind and your thought life & say "I have the mind of Christ."

Chief Crazy Horse
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:16 am

Post by Chief Crazy Horse » Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:13 pm

Great replys, I have had a few bad weeks too (anxiety.....) I didn't want to post or chat cuz I don't want to show my downs after my ups and disappoint people. I want to be an inspiration to people not discourage them into that same ole rut that they feel will never go away. I realize this is life, it's mental, it's how we react and use these times to make us stronger not weaker. It's remembering how we overcame things before and using these same tools and thoughts to do it again. Stepping stones, building blocks, and each time we can handle something of more difficulty. God stated that He would NEVER give us more than we can handle, so we press on through and rely on His strength. I can say what needs to be said, but I need to believe it and just GO! I don't ask for anything, but it'smy time to ask....I need prayer!
And I'll pray for you guys even starting this morning.
Last edited by Chief Crazy Horse on Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Swan01
Posts: 21
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2005 3:00 am

Post by Swan01 » Sun Aug 10, 2008 11:43 pm

Good Morning,
I have found that the power of prayer is an amazing thing. A few weeks ago, I was also in a VERY bad place. I reached out to my family and friends and asked them to pray for me, along with praying to God myself. I think that God gives us these opportunities, yes they are opportunities, to reach out and become closer to Him. To strengthen our bond. Even if you dont feel He is there, He is. He will bring you out of this.
I wouldnt say that I am 100% better, but I am 100% better than where I was about 2 weeks ago. I am a mother, my daughter needs me. I am a teacher, my students need me. I am a coworker, my coworkers need me. I am a daughter, my parents and sisters need me. I do not have time to focus on myself. I have found this "gift" we have to be very selfish. When I say that all these people need me, I dont mean it in any pompus way. What I mean is that there are so many other things going on around us at all times, but we tend to be focused only on ourselves and our problems. Turn it over to God, He does not want us to feel this way. Life is too short, think about all the things we miss out on when we are not being in the present moment. Do not worry about the past, its only a memory, do not worry about the future, it hasnt even gotten here yet. Stay right in today, in this very moment and KNOW that all will be okay.

On a lighter note!.... My daughter has found the comedic benefit of TVLand!.... She DVR's (or TEVO's) ALL episodes of I Love Lucy!.... Sometimes we will watch 3-4 episodes in a row. I am 36 and the show does crack me up.... however, to watch it w/ my 13 year old daughter and listen to her LAUGH out loud... there is no better medicine than laughter.
So, if you're ever feeling blue, throw on an old episode of I Love Lucy, Bewitched, Jeannie, anything that will make you laugh. Laughter is sooooo good.

I will pray for everyone on here
and I am wishing you a happy, wonderful, calm, peaceful, productive day!

Love
Barbara

Chief Crazy Horse
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:16 am

Post by Chief Crazy Horse » Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:18 am

Barbara, I have felt God's presence and peace today.......hmmmm, somebody was praying for me! I seem to always be helping others and focusing on others and not so much on myself even if I really need to. I reached out for prayer this morning on mom of 6 thread here (ty) and somebody read it and prayed.....ty to all who have, I needed it! :)
Last edited by Chief Crazy Horse on Sat Nov 14, 2009 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bna
Posts: 124
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2007 1:17 pm

Post by bna » Mon Aug 11, 2008 11:35 am

Hello swano1 great post thank you. I needed to read it.

David I will keep you and all on the forums in my thoughts and n prayers. Please keep me in all of yours.

Mom of 6 hang in there. You always have such inspiring things to say. Keep the faith, this season will pass.
Take care and God Bless.

Mom of 6
Posts: 259
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:05 pm

Post by Mom of 6 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 6:14 pm

I just want to thank everyone for their replies ;) I really don't know what I would do without this program. yes, I've hit a pothole again, but I AM NOT giving up!!!! I believe in God and he is truley my source of strength, but I am human and I there are times that I feel like giving up. King David felt the same way at times, however, he was a "man after Gods own heart" and God never let him go. I know that "he will never give us more than we can handle" and that "we are more than conquerors"..I also believe that we learn more in the valleys than we do on the mountain tops. I believe that the "deciever" is out to "kill and destroy" and proved that through the book of JOB. I am NOT giving up, yet I may stumble..."I will not be moved". I'm learning more about my condition everyday and I know there is much more to learn. Crazy horse, I too don't post too much when i'm having a "set back". that is not good for us to do. We like to be inspirational to all that are here, but when we are having difficulties, we tend to draw back from posting our problems. Others need to know it's "okay" to have bad days. God is good and he is FAITHFUL til the end. I believe that whole heartedly. I'm just way into my head and I need to get busy

anyways. thank you ALL. I appreciate your words of encouragement.
take care and God blessED you ALL..
Robin
"O God, you are my God. Earnestly I seek you;my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is BETTER than life,my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name, I will lift up my hands." Psalms 63

Don57
Posts: 114
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2002 2:00 am

Post by Don57 » Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:04 pm

Robin,

I have read a lot of your posts. What has been going on with you lately? How have you been talking to yourself, ABOUT yourself? Have you gained weight lately, noticed a few wrinkles, etc?? Have you felt like you failed at something immportant to you? What thoughts have you been dealing with lately that are bringing down your self esteem? Or, is your husband not paying as much attention to you? I find that sometimes we feel secure because of what someone ELSE is giving us. I have been struggling with similar thoughts as you. I have to keep it in perspective. Example...tonight I was obsessing and worrying about whether my guy wanted to be back with his ex! Why? Because I haven't felt that confident in myself lately...which inturn I think subconciously makes me think how could he want me? It's like you get caught up in it and forget all the things they do that show they really do love you, and want YOU. As I am obsessing about this I started journaling...and was suprised at how easily I forgot that just this morning he came up and hugged me while I was doing the dishes and was telling me he loved me. And this afternoon he came running into the room where I was to show me something he had been working on that he was proud of. And how I am the person he always wants to show these things to and ask what I think about different things. I couldn't believe I was sitting there thinking he wanted to be back with his ex...lol. Girl..it's tough.

What is different in your relationship that may make you think these thoughts...or what is different with you personally that is bringing your self confidence down?

I mean, if you were sitting around thinking what a beautiful, strong, desirable woman you were, would you be dealing with these insecurities? Get to the root as to why this is coming up...and deal with it at the root.

Are you not feeling close to him? Why? Is he showing you how in love with you he is but you have a different love language and so you aren't receiving it that way? What's up?

As far as having another attack...IT'S NO BIG DEAL. REALLY! We aren't gauranteed to never have another attack when we are done with the program. It is just a way of showing you that something(s) are really bothering you...no need to fear the panic. You are just on overload. It happens to us all. You don't have a mental illness honey. When you start to uncover what's going on with you and sort it out, you will get it back on track.
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
The same spirit that lives in you raised Jesus Christ from the dead!

Hey, and even if you had a mental illness (which you don't) you would still be in God's hands...and that means it is all good girl!
I would suggest re-reading this post. Lack of self esteem causes us to feel insecure in relationships. It also causes us to feel like we're going crazy. God is real, but there was a time that I was too dependent upon Him, expecting Him to "fix" me. Then He brought the Stress program to me. After working with it I realized I have some responsibilities in how I think that have to change. He can't do that for me.

If you read scripture it says to set your mind on things that are praiseworthy, resist temptation, do not be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewal of the mind, take every thought captive, as a man thinketh so is he, etc. In the old testament God said choose what path you will follow. I think there is a responsibility we all have to choose what we will set our minds upon, what we will choose to think about. That is up to us, as I see it, not God. He has given us the freedom to choose.

I've heard many a pastor speak of the evil of "self-esteem", as if it were a sin. Then why do we try and build self-esteem in our children if that is so? As I see it, only those with healthy self esteem are capable of making healthy choices whether it's relationships, jobs, raising children or whatever. But if we're running on empty inside emotionally, it becomes very difficult to manage relationships, jobs, children or whatever. Jesus said to love others as we love ourselves. I think some in the church have distorted this message by saying to love others and hate yourself. We are humans with needs, some of those emotional. If we don't take care of ourselves emotionally we will pay the price. God said to put to death what is earthly in you. I interpret that as meaning to seek to put to death what is sinful. Taking care of ourselves in a healthy manner physically, emotionally, and spiritually is not sinful, it is what God intended.

Again, I think what FrancesL and everyone has posted is right on target. I am very sorry you are suffering at the moment. Sometimes it is hard, very hard. Learn to love your self unconditionally as God loves you. Be kind, gentle, loving, patient, forgiving to yourself as you are to others, rather than beating yourself up. When you start doing that you will start to feel better.

I recently heard Dr. Caroline Leaf on the James Robison tv show and thought what she had to say about how our thoughts affect the chemical balance of our brains was excellent. She is a believer and her new book just out is in the link below.

<A HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Switched-Brain-co ... ZQM608AK30" TARGET=_blank>http://www.amazon.com/Switched-Brain-co ... 608AK30</A>
Last edited by Don57 on Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger, the smarter, the faster hand; But sooner or later the person who wins is the one who thinks "I can." Author Unknown

http://dp19032k9.webs.com

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