PLEASE HELP

jules722 · Post by **jules722** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 1:45 pm

I am in a new relationship (5 months now) and have been dealing witha lot of anxiety. My boyfriend has no idea what goes on in my head every day.....Everyone says you have to love yourself before you can love someone else but I dont love myself so what am I supposed to do? Break up with im until I learn to love myself?? How does one go about being in an intimate relationship when they dont love themself? I know I need to communicate things with him but guys hate girls that are needy and and dont want to come off that way or ruin everything. I am also so afraid of getting hurt and constantly have thoughts about when we arent together anymore and will I be able to handle it. UGH I wish I could just turn my head off..

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 2:27 pm

Jules, It has been along time since I have been in the type of relationship you are talking about. I am 55 and been married for 37 yrs. But I can tell you how important it is to start to love yourself. I have been very hard on myself most of my life, and I believe that God wants us all to care and love ourselves before we do that for another. I belong to a group called alanon It's a 12 step program for the family of alcoholics and in the group meetings they often tell us to actually tell ourselves that we are beartiful children of God and that he loves us just the way we are warts and all. It took me a long time to believe this let alone say it to myself. But in the last few months I have started doing just that, and I't is sinking in. With the tools I have learned with this program I am doing alot of good self talk and I even have written letters to myself and tell myself how great I am and I always sign it telling myself I love me. I know that probably sounds real strange but It is working. Just try it whenever those negative thoughts come into your head just tell them that you are a BEAUTIFUL CHILD OF GOD and He loves you just the way you are. God bless you and love you.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Oct 19, 2008 4:31 pm

Hi! Everyday just work harder on loving yourself. God loves you and knows you are having troubles and he still loves you even more when we need him. So if God loves you you know you will be able to learn to love yourself again. Pray, pray, pray. Ask and it shall be given. If you are not a Christian please let me know and I can give you inf. on that. The Lord has always brought me to my senses (read my profile) and I know he is again this time. I am doing the program so I will never get in this situation again. My husband and I were dating (for only about 3 months on the 1st breakdown) when I had my 2 "breakdowns" (read my profile). He is by best friend and has always been supportive. So I think you should tell him. God, my family, and Brians help have always pulled me through. If he is right for you then he will stay with you and support you. If he is not right for you, you are so pretty and God will lead you to the right man, don't let it get you down if he isn't. I advise telling him. Let me know how it goes. If he is not right, the right one is out there. I got lucky with Brians emotional support and pushing on to "get back to me". I'll pray for you.