Anyone 30+ (and still single)?

jani · Post by **jani** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 7:39 am

This is a major cause of my anxiety and depression. I'm at the point in my life now (30 years old) where it seems like everyday someone else is getting engaged, married or having kids. I feel like I am completely left behind, and it is stressing me out more than you can ever believe. I can't sleep at night because I feel like my time is running out and I feel like I should be spending every waking moment trying to find Mr. Right. Is anyone going thru something similar?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Jan 23, 2005 10:29 am

Jani
I am new to this forum, but yes I can understand how you feel where it seems everyone around you has someone but you and I am even older than you are. This too has been a source of my anxiety too, but as I am learning now going thru the coaching sessions that I have to be the source of my happiness, which is a hard thing to always remember. Just hope this helps you some to know yes there are still people out there who are still single.

Legna12

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:10 am

Hey Girls. I always feel bummed out when I hear people talking about the sadness of being single. That was me about 4 years ago. I'm 35 and I've been married for about a year and a half and I love my husband very much and wouldn't trade being married for the world. HOWEVER, it has it no way changed who I am as a person. I had anxiety before him and I have anxiety since being with him. Actually it was when we decided to move in together that my anxiety level went haywire. I still don't quite understand that. But anyhow, I really thought that all my problems would be solved once I got married, bought a house, had kids, etc. I haven't had kids yet, but so far my problems have not all been miraculously solved. Relationships are hard work, home ownership is a huge responsibilty, kids... well I can only imagine. As I said I love my husband and I appreciate his companionship and his understanding but being married is not miracle answer to make you feel better about things. Make the most of single-hood. You have no one to answer to, no one to be responsible for but yourself. Also, have fun dating! Check out some internet dating sites, but be careful, be honest, use your best judgement and do not settle! Just have fun with being single.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 6:49 am

Jani,

Worrying about your situation isn't going to help you settle down any sooner and you are only making yourself sick.

Instead of reacting like you have no choices and no control over this situation, think about what you CAN do to increase your chances of finding a mate.

Have you thought about singles groups ? Sometimes getting active in those things we enjoy puts us in touch with others that have similar interests.

I personally believe that once you are comfortable with yourself and content in yourself, you will attract people who are right for you. By living your life the way you want to live it and by just being happy and secure within yourself you will begin attracting people who are compatible with you. If you have to do anything outside of how you normally are, you will end up attracting the wrong person.

So my advice is to be yourself and be happy with yourself even in your "singleness". When you are secure within yourself, the right person will come along when you least expect them to and they will be "right" for you.

There is no time limit on love !!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 5:44 pm

I think sometimes all of us "singletons" get down about not being married. I am 38 and still single but much happier than when I was 30. One of the things that helped me was just doing some things to make myself happy - like traveling, developing new interests, etc.

Now when I do get down, I just remind myself of all the losers my friends have hooked up with over the years! Once many years ago when it seemed like everyone was getting married but me, my mom said "Think about it, would you really want to marry any of those guys?" And of course, my answer was "NO!"

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 8:20 pm

Well, I am 24 and I have never been on a date because I have not really had the chance to. I am not a horrible looking guy and I go to the gym every day but the thing is my personality really does suck. Communication is the key to obtaining any relationship it does not matter if it's a friendship or some thing more. Often the things we think and feel project on the outside for every one to see. If I carry insecurities and even if I feel like complete shit you can see it on the out side. This it's self is very unattractive. Along with these things not being able to communicate in an upbeat fashion with make me look undesirable to most girls. What makes things worse is to say to your self "I am going to be alone for the rest of my life". Even I feel this way at times and this can be depressing because it makes you reflect on your shortcomings and flaws. It makes you ask the question �why does every one dislike me?� This just further builds up tension and anxiety for me. So the best thing to do is take care of your self and don't get your self-thinking about the things you don't have. Think about the things you have and then try to build them up.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Jan 29, 2005 6:20 am

I'm single and 35

Bella

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Feb 02, 2005 9:01 pm

I'm 33 and I'm still single. I can totally understand where you're coming from. I'm new on here, the forum, but it looks like there's some good stuff on here. Christmas time is when it's really hard for me. Both my sisters are married and when they come home for Christmas and seem so happy and go on about friends they know trying to have babies, on honeymoons for many weeks, etc, etc. It's hard to listen to with no love life of my own. I've had a hard time talking to my sisters and their husbands about how it makes me feel, but that comes down to not being secure in myself. If I was more comfortable being single, it wouldn't be such a big deal. But I would really like to have a relationship too. I have started dating again after about 3 years of not dating. It's hard, but I do feel better trying to get out there. I think pursuing activities that make you feel good, getting out there, being active, exercising, trying new things, learning new things etc. helps a lot. That's what I'm trying to do more.

Thanks for the topic though, it is definitely easy to feel alone. I'm glad there's someone who can relate.

ravendave2

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Feb 07, 2005 2:02 pm

Well me too. I am 54....I would say when I had bad anxiety being single was part of the cause...I was divorced 6 years ago too.

This biggest thing I have learned is that YOU have tomake yourself happy whenever you can. If you are not happy with the way you are, you will never be able to someone else happy.

Never give up...look at all the good things in this world!!!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon May 19, 2008 4:01 am

This is one of my sources of anxiety as well. While I am only 26, not 30+, I am well into the "everyone's getting married" phase. Seeing "Heather plus guest" on envelopes makes me feel so alone. I have been single so long that I can't even remember what love felt like.
I feel like I'm not included in a lot of events because there's no guy in my life (for example, a couples' trip for Memorial Weekend).

I recognize that I am an attractive girl with a lot going for me. I have a job, own a home, have lots of friends, am flippin' hilarious most of the time... I know that I am a worthwhile person regardless of whether a guy thinks so, but I am so sick of waiting around for "him." I know being in a relationship just creates different issues, but I'm getting so sick of being pitied and often pitying myself.

I read a poem called "Believe It And Be Satisfied" when I was in high school, and it has completely tainted my outlook on love. The poem essentially would suggest that I'm not Christian enough to have had love in my life for the past five years. But my "Christmas-and-Easter-only" friends are blissfully happy in their fresh marriages and long-term relationship. The jealousy is palpable. It leaves me thinking "why not me?"

I have thrown myself 100% into my friends' weddings (I swear the lead character in 27 Dresses is modeled after me!) for reasons I don't fully understand.

If I hear "it will happen eventually" or "so, any boy news?" one more effing time, I may start punching my friends and family.

Have any singles been through this program and found that it helped with this relationship anxiety?