Monday I received an e-mail from my boss and he had asked me what hours I wanted to work, I told him and so he goes and infers that I wonted to change jobs and starts asking other employees if they would work my shift. The problem with this is that the hours I requested include some of the hours I am working know. I was so angry I called him and told him I was ready to take my toys and go home. Am I wrong hear, I do not know any more? I get this huge adrenalin dump and I get so angry and I can’t be calm at all during it, I feel my body shaking and I cant let the anger go, I went off in him today even though he claims it was all a misunderstanding on the other two peoples part. I promised my self I would not get angry but when I talked to him today he wonted to change summer hours and I just freaked. I was abused for a long time and do not know how to get my anger in check, I do not eat white sugar no chocolate no caffeine. HELP any body.
Confused and scared I do not wont to lose my job but at the same time I am not going to be treated disrespectfully, but at the same time I am the disrespectful one now do to my reaction.
I cannot control my anger and I am following the program
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Guest
Philip,
Have you gotten to the session on anger yet? If it were me - I think I'd skip ahead a little bit and listen to that one. You do not have to react to whatever is tossed your direction by your boss or whomever.
I can see how you would get upset, but in the workplace, people (especially bosses) don't put a lot of confidence in employees who blow up...they just don't take them seriously. So - blowing up will not get you what you want.
Speaking of that - what DO you want? Do you even like that job enough to stay? Or do you feel like you HAVE to stay? Maybe you are feeling trapped and that is where some of your anger stems from? If you like you job, maybe try focusing on the aspects of what you do that you enjoy.
In the anger session, Lucinda talks about being less AFFECTED and more EFFECTIVE. That's the key to controling our anger. When we get upset at things (even people treating us wrong) in an out of control manner (raising our voices, threatening to quit or whatever, shaking, freaking out, etc.) we are LETTING THEM AND THEIR WORDS CONTROL US.
You are a stronger person than that. You do not have to let what they say control you. You are reacting and, truthfully, coming out looking worse for it. Try breathing slowly - take a 5, 10, 30 minute break from the situation before responding to it (or 24 hours if you have to!). When we open our mouths immediately after a perceived insult (and I am totaly speaking for myself here as well!!!) we often times come out looking foolish. I want to be more in control of my life than that. Take a pause and breathe...walk...focus on something else...tell yourself that for that period of time that you designate you will NOT think about what just upset you. And when that time is over...spend 5 minutes thinking about it and goal setting for a new approach to handle it. You may find out that "jumping the gun" added to some of those misunderstandings that your boss mentioned.
Keep with the program. You can do this!
Dawn
Have you gotten to the session on anger yet? If it were me - I think I'd skip ahead a little bit and listen to that one. You do not have to react to whatever is tossed your direction by your boss or whomever.
I can see how you would get upset, but in the workplace, people (especially bosses) don't put a lot of confidence in employees who blow up...they just don't take them seriously. So - blowing up will not get you what you want.
Speaking of that - what DO you want? Do you even like that job enough to stay? Or do you feel like you HAVE to stay? Maybe you are feeling trapped and that is where some of your anger stems from? If you like you job, maybe try focusing on the aspects of what you do that you enjoy.
In the anger session, Lucinda talks about being less AFFECTED and more EFFECTIVE. That's the key to controling our anger. When we get upset at things (even people treating us wrong) in an out of control manner (raising our voices, threatening to quit or whatever, shaking, freaking out, etc.) we are LETTING THEM AND THEIR WORDS CONTROL US.
You are a stronger person than that. You do not have to let what they say control you. You are reacting and, truthfully, coming out looking worse for it. Try breathing slowly - take a 5, 10, 30 minute break from the situation before responding to it (or 24 hours if you have to!). When we open our mouths immediately after a perceived insult (and I am totaly speaking for myself here as well!!!) we often times come out looking foolish. I want to be more in control of my life than that. Take a pause and breathe...walk...focus on something else...tell yourself that for that period of time that you designate you will NOT think about what just upset you. And when that time is over...spend 5 minutes thinking about it and goal setting for a new approach to handle it. You may find out that "jumping the gun" added to some of those misunderstandings that your boss mentioned.
Keep with the program. You can do this!
Dawn
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Guest
Hang in there....the fact you are aware that you have a problem is a big step in finding the answer. The adrenaline will make you feel crazy...NEVER make any decisions while you feel that way or you likely WILL regret it.
There could be an issue that is unfair at work, but it shouldn't send you into a rage. You can still deal with the issue in an calm way - the trick is to train your body not to release the huge adrenaline. But if you can at least not ACT when it is in your system, that is a huge step and a lot of progress...
I used to have a lot of episodes like that at work and I find the program is helping but also I started medication (sertraline) at my doctor's recommendation because I felt that my logical brain was frustated that I seemed to have so little control over my anxiety and anger and I knew it would hurt my work or family and relationships. It already was testing my relationships, and I had some battles at work. Now at work, everyone is noticing a HUGE difference (after 6 months) in my attitude, and ability to handle stress and things that upset me... They don't upset me to the same degree...I am happier, more tolerant, and more compassionate, and have far fewer headaches.
HANG IN THERE, KEEP LEARNING ABOUT YOURSELF, DON'T GIVE UP. The more you learn, the more ammo you have to fight your problem.
Good luck
There could be an issue that is unfair at work, but it shouldn't send you into a rage. You can still deal with the issue in an calm way - the trick is to train your body not to release the huge adrenaline. But if you can at least not ACT when it is in your system, that is a huge step and a lot of progress...
I used to have a lot of episodes like that at work and I find the program is helping but also I started medication (sertraline) at my doctor's recommendation because I felt that my logical brain was frustated that I seemed to have so little control over my anxiety and anger and I knew it would hurt my work or family and relationships. It already was testing my relationships, and I had some battles at work. Now at work, everyone is noticing a HUGE difference (after 6 months) in my attitude, and ability to handle stress and things that upset me... They don't upset me to the same degree...I am happier, more tolerant, and more compassionate, and have far fewer headaches.
HANG IN THERE, KEEP LEARNING ABOUT YOURSELF, DON'T GIVE UP. The more you learn, the more ammo you have to fight your problem.
Good luck
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Guest
Hi There,
I can relate to your anger, I also have been the same way my entire life.. very angry. I am also doing the program but I wanted to share the 3 keys that have really decreased my anger:
1. Expectations- it is easy to become angry at yourself and everyone else (including the world) when you are disappointed all the time and feel nothing is working or living up to what you need/want.. for instance now rather than get angry when my boss corrects me (which happens regularly in my profession) I hear her but do not take it any further, I dont have any expectations for critisism. There is just no anger present I push it away and ask is it worth it? its much easier to let things go now once you start, you relize your silly expectation creates the anger..
2. Forgiveness: at the end you stated you had been abused for a long time- I have a feeling you may still be harbouring some guilt, anger, resentment and frustration about it- I believe like carolyn said, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, once you can forgive yourself and the people around you, you wouldnt believe how quick the anger disipates once you walk without all the past thoughts and anger consuming you each day- I was abused in a sense also, and although I havent told my father I forgive him, I forgave him in my heart and that was enough for now, one day I will forgive him face to face.. you dont forget just forgive, and if these memories also spend a lot of time in your head each day that would spur a lot of internal and inward anger- perhaps trying to forgive and live in the momment will help relieve some anger from the past.
3. Compassion for yourself! love for yourself! have unconditional spirituality for yourself! that positive self talk really is a miracle cure for anger- when I started the program about a month or so into it, I noticed that I was feeling 'lighter' all the time with much less anger- (my spouse really noticed the difference) then I had an 'un huh' momment one day- I felt as though an angry, mean person had not been around me, like they sort of took a vacation, then I relized it, it was me! I personally beat myself up to a pulp, worry, dwell, obsess, body symptoms were excessive- nonetheless, it learned it was my internal anger towards myself and my past that was always bursting out of my seams, all day long, little triggers..
I am proud to say I am much less angry these days and it is amazing how much less stress I feel! your post reminded me of how explosive I was.. I am composed (for the most part) and when I get angry I ask myself- "is it worth wasting the energy on this?" and "if I died tomorrow would I be happy with my today?"
I truly have sympathy and understanding for where you are, I am there still some days too! I hope perhaps something I shared that has worked for me will work for you!
please keep in touch! best wishes today!
I can relate to your anger, I also have been the same way my entire life.. very angry. I am also doing the program but I wanted to share the 3 keys that have really decreased my anger:
1. Expectations- it is easy to become angry at yourself and everyone else (including the world) when you are disappointed all the time and feel nothing is working or living up to what you need/want.. for instance now rather than get angry when my boss corrects me (which happens regularly in my profession) I hear her but do not take it any further, I dont have any expectations for critisism. There is just no anger present I push it away and ask is it worth it? its much easier to let things go now once you start, you relize your silly expectation creates the anger..
2. Forgiveness: at the end you stated you had been abused for a long time- I have a feeling you may still be harbouring some guilt, anger, resentment and frustration about it- I believe like carolyn said, forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, once you can forgive yourself and the people around you, you wouldnt believe how quick the anger disipates once you walk without all the past thoughts and anger consuming you each day- I was abused in a sense also, and although I havent told my father I forgive him, I forgave him in my heart and that was enough for now, one day I will forgive him face to face.. you dont forget just forgive, and if these memories also spend a lot of time in your head each day that would spur a lot of internal and inward anger- perhaps trying to forgive and live in the momment will help relieve some anger from the past.
3. Compassion for yourself! love for yourself! have unconditional spirituality for yourself! that positive self talk really is a miracle cure for anger- when I started the program about a month or so into it, I noticed that I was feeling 'lighter' all the time with much less anger- (my spouse really noticed the difference) then I had an 'un huh' momment one day- I felt as though an angry, mean person had not been around me, like they sort of took a vacation, then I relized it, it was me! I personally beat myself up to a pulp, worry, dwell, obsess, body symptoms were excessive- nonetheless, it learned it was my internal anger towards myself and my past that was always bursting out of my seams, all day long, little triggers..
I am proud to say I am much less angry these days and it is amazing how much less stress I feel! your post reminded me of how explosive I was.. I am composed (for the most part) and when I get angry I ask myself- "is it worth wasting the energy on this?" and "if I died tomorrow would I be happy with my today?"
I truly have sympathy and understanding for where you are, I am there still some days too! I hope perhaps something I shared that has worked for me will work for you!
please keep in touch! best wishes today!-
Guest
FIGHTBACK: I have to ask, when you said: I felt like my logical brain was frustrated, what were you meaning by that? I am feeling as though I cannot make decisions or think straight, my mom said i must have an imbalance as I am not 'logical' anymore, I just cant think right.. I just started a good med and am feeling better but would love to know the reason for that description!
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Guest
I don't know if your post was intended to start a converation about Moms-LOL LOL LOL-but I have a Mom problem-big time and she has gotten worse since I started this program. I don't care why! but she has.
I tried to have a civil conversation with her about our inability to talk the other day. She has always said I analizesp?- I just saw the root word t analize! hahahaha Yes I guess I can be that way too! LOL LOL- everything. My daughter who has a college degree in physicology says that for someone who didn't have a degree like hers I sure do know people.My H always said I did too.
So, Mother and I were disagreeing on something I had bought for my son-Okay so I got him a DVR-it turned out to not be a bad deal after the rebates but Mother will not let it go saying I don't have the money to etc. etc. etc. We have NEVER gotten along-I said Mother-we can't talk-you and me-I didn't yell it or grit my teeth as I spit the words out-I was trying to be calmtrying. Well, Debbie she quips-short and fast and very stern-you just don't see-in the long run.... yada.......So, I say-Mother it goes way deeper than that-and she...here goes...said, I guess it is from where you are looking. I rarely talk to my mom-one day it dawned on me that I was the one who paid the long distance bill here and I was doing all the calling to check on her-she never checks on me-never.She got mad at me for selling my house after my H died and has convinced 2 of 3 of my brothers it was a poor decision I made. I took the $ and bought another house-but she was mad about the price I accepted and the whole "thang". She would not even visit me at my new house for 6 mos. I've lived here for 5 yrs. she has been here 4 times. My son can't stand to be around her. She is so negative. I swear to you I comtemplated suicide when I was a kid way toooo many times. I have been running away from home all my life. Now I know there are always 2 sides to a story-but-I am a peace maker-I really do "make love not war" sorta. If there is any war it is me beating me up-not me beating somebody else up.My G-mother raised me-thank God-and she was a precious person. She always said she worried about me being around mom growing up because mom was either on the phone-smoking and gossiping-or sitting at the kitchen table with one of the neighbors-smoking and gossiping. for that reason my Mamaw and Great Aunt Grace raised me.
So, I guess Mother thinks I am in a hole? I can't fig out what she meant by that-I don't care really-it just gave her the upper hand on me-speaking of which-some of the new posts were on nose bleeds. About a yr after losing my love-my H-I had gone to spend the week-end with mom, my son and G-daughter. Mother got on me so hard the 2nd day-I was a basket case. I thought my nose was runny so went to get a kleenex and a look at my nose-it was bleeding profusely. I had one other nose bleed in my life and that was the time mom back handed me in the car after something my brat brother did to aggravate me. He didn't get a scratch-Dad got real mad at her for hitting me so hard in my face. So the last nosebleed was my BP spiking??? as she tore apart my life with her words.
Well, guys it looks like my cleaning help is standing me up. I just feel like E'ore today.
and I will close and try to get a grip on it or let it go one.
Thanks for the chance to spill my guts.
Always,
Deb ^J^
I tried to have a civil conversation with her about our inability to talk the other day. She has always said I analizesp?- I just saw the root word t analize! hahahaha Yes I guess I can be that way too! LOL LOL- everything. My daughter who has a college degree in physicology says that for someone who didn't have a degree like hers I sure do know people.My H always said I did too.
So, Mother and I were disagreeing on something I had bought for my son-Okay so I got him a DVR-it turned out to not be a bad deal after the rebates but Mother will not let it go saying I don't have the money to etc. etc. etc. We have NEVER gotten along-I said Mother-we can't talk-you and me-I didn't yell it or grit my teeth as I spit the words out-I was trying to be calmtrying. Well, Debbie she quips-short and fast and very stern-you just don't see-in the long run.... yada.......So, I say-Mother it goes way deeper than that-and she...here goes...said, I guess it is from where you are looking. I rarely talk to my mom-one day it dawned on me that I was the one who paid the long distance bill here and I was doing all the calling to check on her-she never checks on me-never.She got mad at me for selling my house after my H died and has convinced 2 of 3 of my brothers it was a poor decision I made. I took the $ and bought another house-but she was mad about the price I accepted and the whole "thang". She would not even visit me at my new house for 6 mos. I've lived here for 5 yrs. she has been here 4 times. My son can't stand to be around her. She is so negative. I swear to you I comtemplated suicide when I was a kid way toooo many times. I have been running away from home all my life. Now I know there are always 2 sides to a story-but-I am a peace maker-I really do "make love not war" sorta. If there is any war it is me beating me up-not me beating somebody else up.My G-mother raised me-thank God-and she was a precious person. She always said she worried about me being around mom growing up because mom was either on the phone-smoking and gossiping-or sitting at the kitchen table with one of the neighbors-smoking and gossiping. for that reason my Mamaw and Great Aunt Grace raised me.
So, I guess Mother thinks I am in a hole? I can't fig out what she meant by that-I don't care really-it just gave her the upper hand on me-speaking of which-some of the new posts were on nose bleeds. About a yr after losing my love-my H-I had gone to spend the week-end with mom, my son and G-daughter. Mother got on me so hard the 2nd day-I was a basket case. I thought my nose was runny so went to get a kleenex and a look at my nose-it was bleeding profusely. I had one other nose bleed in my life and that was the time mom back handed me in the car after something my brat brother did to aggravate me. He didn't get a scratch-Dad got real mad at her for hitting me so hard in my face. So the last nosebleed was my BP spiking??? as she tore apart my life with her words.
Well, guys it looks like my cleaning help is standing me up. I just feel like E'ore today.
and I will close and try to get a grip on it or let it go one.
Thanks for the chance to spill my guts.
Always,
Deb ^J^
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