Tuesday I resigned from a hated job. The way the resignation went and how I imagined it would be was just that. I was strutting and on almost on a high. It felt great. (I start the new job--in behavorial health--on Monday.) Since Tuesday night I have been fighting anger, fatigue, lack of energey, lack of interest in a personal project I had planned, and depression/sadness.
Three things appear to set off the emotions. One: my bank calling me 4 TIMES TUESDAY to let me know I am 18 days late on a loan. 18 days!?! Last year I was in the same boat and they never called 4x in a day--they never called at all. Back then they just doubled the next month's bill. Tuesday's calls were the 2nd round: last week they called me again 4x in day and I told them I was a little financially tight, I am not trying to skirt my obligation, and said I had to pay my rent. Heck, I even gave them my monthly rent amount. Tuesday night I did not pick up the call, wanting to talk to them the next day.
Also Tuesday night my wife did some minor things which added "wood to the fire." She is at her mom's to take her to a dr's appointment. I told my wife Tuesday afternoon I would call her after The Simpsons and tell her about the day. She said she had to run an errand for her mom so I figured this was fine. The show starts at 7 PM; she calls at 7:01. I reminded her twice I said I would call her after the show. She was ok with this. I have to say it really gets on my last nerve when I tell her something and she doesn't do/does it wrong/etc.
When I called her after the show, this pest that lives next door started up again. He is my third apparent reason for my current dilemma. He is always yelling and cursing at his ex wife (or girlfriend). I am SO TIRED of his loud tantrums. I was beginning to happily recant to my wife my glorious exit when I commented on how the mutt (my nickname for him) was acting up. She interrupted me asking me if I was feeling down. I snapped back at her, "Do you want to hear my story or not?!" Then I told her I would call her back later (because I was annoyed at her and I didn't want to say anything offbase).
By this time, all the emotions I mentioned are in full swing. I couldn't believe how such a great start to the day--and achieving leaving my job which I have wanted for almost a year--was turning out so crappy. When I am like this, I usually don't want to talk to anyone and if it is night-time, I just want to sleep. I wanted to catch some of the Presidential debate and go to bed. An hour after I spoke to my wife I left her a message on her mom's phone machine I was tired, cranky, didn't feel good (I was also coming off a bad cold) and would be going to bed. I would talk to her in the morning. I thought to myself, "Watch she calls me back." Sure enough 45 minutes later she did. I wasn't as annoyed as before but I still was. "Didn't you get my message?" I asked. She said no because her brother was on the phone. That is wrong because I left the message and never got a busy signal. I said, "You didn't get the message, did you?" She started fumbling for words. "Go listen to the message" I told her and she apologetically agreed. I watched some of Obama-Mccain and went to bad.
Yesterday morning, the bank calls me again. I called them back saying I would take out my CD, from that pay them their money and after my last direct deposit from the old job, I would call close all my accounts which gave them positive cash flow. I also commented on how their letter in one paragraph said I could tell them if I was having financial problems and then in the next paragraph they mention about going to collection. I also mentioned of the similar time from last year and now they are hounding me more than a credit collection agency. I told them I would make the payment today (meaning yesterday). Don't you know an hour later I zipping up my jacket to leave for the bank, and their collection department calls. I asked the girl what the hell did she want since I just called to say I was making a payment and to get me off their call list. She said she would.
Yesterday afternoon all I wanted to do was sleep. I couldn't on my own and it took me 4 small pieces of Ambien to finally sleep...for three hours. Yesterday evening for the most part was good. I had a great conversation with my wife. Then towards the end of the night I started getting all the negative feelings so I went to bad on my own (without Ambien.)
I woke up early today feeling better but then got another call from the bank
. I started getting all those emotions and even a little ill-will at my wife. (I don't know why but my mind started recalling an alteration she made in the apartment a couple of months ago which I wasn't thrilled with.) I called the bank and asked to speak to manager. They said they could not transfer me but would have a manager call me back. No call back yet. I took a hour nap late in the morning, felt better for a little while, and then the emotions--especially annoyance, fatigue, and lack of interest in my project--came about.I have 3 days off--5 including the upcoming weekend--and instead of enjoying the time, I am battling depression, fatigue and the rest. And I feel bad about how I feel.
. When my father-in-law told me had left for the dr, that's when I realized this was pretty much like me with The Simpsons scenario. 