Family Issues
Hi. I am on week 2 and need some advice. How do you deal with siblings that are all alot older and one sister in particular is everyones favorite. She married into a wealthy family and I don't know if that is part of the reason everyone runs to her. I am talking about nieces, nephews other sisters and brother. I feel so hurt I never hear from any of my family except this one sister that everyone adores and if I ever ask any questions about anyone in the family they act like it is none of my business or I am being nosy but she can ask anything and they all adore her. I don't mean to sound jealous it just hurts and consumes so much of my day thinking of it. I live away from everyone and have know friends but have 4 kids to keep me busy. I just am really hurt because one of my nieces is getting ready to have a baby and never calls me nothing and we were so close before she started keeping up with this sister which is her aunt. Anyways my world is getting smaller because I only hear from a few family members and when I talk to my sister I can feel myself being very moody and not really talkative and I know she senses it. Then my mom gets invovlved and says things like well know one ever includes me in or tells me anything either. I guess that is suppose to make it okay. I just hurt inside thinking what is wrong with me. I need advice as to all this negative thinking and not allowing things to get to me. I am having a weepy day and just needed somewhere to vent. sorry this is so long. It is lonely feeling.
-
Guest
Hi Ali. The self esteem part of the program will help you with this. I think you are jealous and don't know how to handle it, and as your mother says, they don't tell her anything either. Everyone probably gives your sister more attention because she does things for them financially and they feel obligated to her.
Ali, I am the youngest of 10 children. 8 girls and 2 boys. One of my sisters is the most successful financially and a lot of people in my family benefitted from her success but also felt jealous of it. Ali, it is what it is. Your sister has money, the rest of them need money, so they are trying to stay in her "good graces". It's nothing personal to you. They still love you, i'm sure.
As you get older and become more financially stable, some of that jealousy will start to go away.
Ali, I am the youngest of 10 children. 8 girls and 2 boys. One of my sisters is the most successful financially and a lot of people in my family benefitted from her success but also felt jealous of it. Ali, it is what it is. Your sister has money, the rest of them need money, so they are trying to stay in her "good graces". It's nothing personal to you. They still love you, i'm sure.
As you get older and become more financially stable, some of that jealousy will start to go away.
-
Guest
Dee Dee,
Thanks so much for the advice. I realize I am jealous because I just want to measure up to her. I am the youngest in my family and the closest in age is another sister and she is 5 years older, so they are all alot older then me and I for most of my life have felt like an only child. I am not in alot of the pictures etc. and I don't fit in when they all start talking about diff. family things or Aunts and Uncles etc. Oh Well I guess it is what it is. I just feel so lonely and isolated. My sister that gets all the recognition and praise is a wonderful person and does have a big heart. I just get in this mood because I have that to offer as well. But I guess I just have to get through it and learn to deal with it. I have to get over being sensitive and be strong but it is difficult. That is why I ordered this program and am looking forward the benefits of it. I also am trying to deal with my problems with out telling family members like in the past. I am 41 and I have to get a backbone and not be meek it has affected me my entire life. I guess it goes way back probably to abandoned issues from my dad since he left when I was 5 etc. Too much to think about. I am trying to figure it all out and why I am full of anxiety depression and low self esteem. I want to set a good example for my kids and hope this will help me. One of my many goals is too become assertive and not so timid and insecure. It's haunted me much too long. I am trying to stay busy and keep from thinking about things like lucindas says chanel the energy into cleaning or something. I really appreciate everything you said and thanks for letting me vent. I really like the idea of the forum because I have no one to get advice from without being labeled or shut down by. It's tough being the youngest in the family.
Thanks so much for the advice. I realize I am jealous because I just want to measure up to her. I am the youngest in my family and the closest in age is another sister and she is 5 years older, so they are all alot older then me and I for most of my life have felt like an only child. I am not in alot of the pictures etc. and I don't fit in when they all start talking about diff. family things or Aunts and Uncles etc. Oh Well I guess it is what it is. I just feel so lonely and isolated. My sister that gets all the recognition and praise is a wonderful person and does have a big heart. I just get in this mood because I have that to offer as well. But I guess I just have to get through it and learn to deal with it. I have to get over being sensitive and be strong but it is difficult. That is why I ordered this program and am looking forward the benefits of it. I also am trying to deal with my problems with out telling family members like in the past. I am 41 and I have to get a backbone and not be meek it has affected me my entire life. I guess it goes way back probably to abandoned issues from my dad since he left when I was 5 etc. Too much to think about. I am trying to figure it all out and why I am full of anxiety depression and low self esteem. I want to set a good example for my kids and hope this will help me. One of my many goals is too become assertive and not so timid and insecure. It's haunted me much too long. I am trying to stay busy and keep from thinking about things like lucindas says chanel the energy into cleaning or something. I really appreciate everything you said and thanks for letting me vent. I really like the idea of the forum because I have no one to get advice from without being labeled or shut down by. It's tough being the youngest in the family.
-
Guest
Hi Ali,
If I might share my experience - I hope it will help you with your pain - and I know the pain.
I was an only child who married into a large family - "Yea, the brothers and sisters I always wanted!" I thought, but alas, they loved me but didn't need me like I needed them. Then the financial divide grew as others became wealthy and we were left out due to low expenses. There was so much pain.
But it is all better now after many years and I will only give the short version of how!!
First off, I learned that I was the "black hole" of emotions. No one wanted to be around me because I would suck all life in one short conversation!!! :p So I worked on being a happy me and I trusted God to help with the other issues. In time I have been blessed with the opportunity to heal all relationships and though there is room for improvement it is a wonderful improvement. It started with me taking responsibility for my happiness and just became more interested in my neices and nephews. We don't have money, but that does not keep me from feeling loved now, probably because I have grown in my love for myself.
Keep working on yourself, keep your focus on your goals with this program! Let go of the other things for now, they will heal in time.
My Peace
If I might share my experience - I hope it will help you with your pain - and I know the pain.
I was an only child who married into a large family - "Yea, the brothers and sisters I always wanted!" I thought, but alas, they loved me but didn't need me like I needed them. Then the financial divide grew as others became wealthy and we were left out due to low expenses. There was so much pain.
But it is all better now after many years and I will only give the short version of how!!
First off, I learned that I was the "black hole" of emotions. No one wanted to be around me because I would suck all life in one short conversation!!! :p So I worked on being a happy me and I trusted God to help with the other issues. In time I have been blessed with the opportunity to heal all relationships and though there is room for improvement it is a wonderful improvement. It started with me taking responsibility for my happiness and just became more interested in my neices and nephews. We don't have money, but that does not keep me from feeling loved now, probably because I have grown in my love for myself.
Keep working on yourself, keep your focus on your goals with this program! Let go of the other things for now, they will heal in time.
My Peace
-
Guest
Hi Ali. I'm about to be 43 in less than a month, so it's not about age. It is just tough being the yougest. But you will get what you need from the program to help you with these things. I really do know how you feel because I was also the invisible one in the family. But now i'm one that people come to for advice, and I don't like that either.
-
Guest
Hi Ali and all,
We all have come into this program with issues from past hurts(present ones too), that have made us feel less than lovable. We all have/had problems with low self-esteem, low self-confidence, lack of love and acceptance for/of ourselves. We are tired of feeling this way, and everything we have tried has failed. It takes alot of courage and strength to reach out and try one more thing. I am finishing up week 5, and with the changes in diet and exercise, I feel better. I had an anxiety attack the other day, and I did not reach for the Ativan; I used the skills learned from program and talked myself through. It was quite an experience.
Like many of you I had a difficult family situation, and suffered for years with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and being afraid of most everything. But with the help of this program and my personal coach, I am on the road to becoming a less stressed, more relaxed person. With this program We will all learn how not to sweat the small stuff.
We all have come into this program with issues from past hurts(present ones too), that have made us feel less than lovable. We all have/had problems with low self-esteem, low self-confidence, lack of love and acceptance for/of ourselves. We are tired of feeling this way, and everything we have tried has failed. It takes alot of courage and strength to reach out and try one more thing. I am finishing up week 5, and with the changes in diet and exercise, I feel better. I had an anxiety attack the other day, and I did not reach for the Ativan; I used the skills learned from program and talked myself through. It was quite an experience.
Like many of you I had a difficult family situation, and suffered for years with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and being afraid of most everything. But with the help of this program and my personal coach, I am on the road to becoming a less stressed, more relaxed person. With this program We will all learn how not to sweat the small stuff.
-
ronda stephens
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Wed Jul 08, 2009 11:40 am
Scrappymom~Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It has helped knowing I am not alone. I may come across to family members as the black hole of emotions as well. I have thought about that when I try figuring out why they don't include me in on things. I really am going to put more time into loving me and hope that will help. I have such low self esteem and am ready for changes. How do I stop getting so sad over thinking no one really cares about me they never call etc. I just have to come up with something to keep from even dwelling on it. I know family never puts as much thought into my feelings and I just need to let it go and move on. It is tough but I will trust in god and the program. Thanks so much for your input.Originally posted by scrappymom:
Hi Ali,
If I might share my experience - I hope it will help you with your pain - and I know the pain.
I was an only child who married into a large family - "Yea, the brothers and sisters I always wanted!" I thought, but alas, they loved me but didn't need me like I needed them. Then the financial divide grew as others became wealthy and we were left out due to low expenses. There was so much pain.
But it is all better now after many years and I will only give the short version of how!!
First off, I learned that I was the "black hole" of emotions. No one wanted to be around me because I would suck all life in one short conversation!!! :p So I worked on being a happy me and I trusted God to help with the other issues. In time I have been blessed with the opportunity to heal all relationships and though there is room for improvement it is a wonderful improvement. It started with me taking responsibility for my happiness and just became more interested in my neices and nephews. We don't have money, but that does not keep me from feeling loved now, probably because I have grown in my love for myself.
Keep working on yourself, keep your focus on your goals with this program! Let go of the other things for now, they will heal in time.
My Peace
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
-
Guest
Dee Dee~ You are so right it is hard being the youngest. I hope I can become strong and recover from all of these feelings. I guess I put to much thought into it and need to put that energy into myself. You seem like a strong and positive person. Have you already completed the program. I bet it is difficult for you to have everyone wanting your advice now. You seem to have all the right answers. Thanks for your encouragement. I am on week 2 and doing the excercising to help with stress.Originally posted by deedee00:
Hi Ali. I'm about to be 43 in less than a month, so it's not about age. It is just tough being the yougest. But you will get what you need from the program to help you with these things. I really do know how you feel because I was also the invisible one in the family. But now i'm one that people come to for advice, and I don't like that either.
-
Guest
Eager LearnerOriginally posted by eager learner:
Hi Ali and all,
We all have come into this program with issues from past hurts(present ones too), that have made us feel less than lovable. We all have/had problems with low self-esteem, low self-confidence, lack of love and acceptance for/of ourselves. We are tired of feeling this way, and everything we have tried has failed. It takes alot of courage and strength to reach out and try one more thing. I am finishing up week 5, and with the changes in diet and exercise, I feel better. I had an anxiety attack the other day, and I did not reach for the Ativan; I used the skills learned from program and talked myself through. It was quite an experience.
Like many of you I had a difficult family situation, and suffered for years with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and being afraid of most everything. But with the help of this program and my personal coach, I am on the road to becoming a less stressed, more relaxed person. With this program We will all learn how not to sweat the small stuff.
You said that all so well. We are all here to get better and learn from each other as well as the tapes. I find it comforting to know we can come to the forum for advice or just give advice and input. Others that are not experiencing these feelings just don't seem to understand from what I have found. I am just on week 2 and am so glad I ordered this program. I am ready for some positive changes in my life. I am so tired of the anxiety and depression. I as well have low self esteem and I am shy in social situations. Way to go with your progress so far, I am happy things are looking up and it will only get better. Take care.