Moving Out, An Agoraphobic Losing "Safe Place"?

LynnLuv · Post by **LynnLuv** » Fri Feb 22, 2008 12:15 am

I have just recently purchased Lucinda's program, "Combatting Stress and Depression Program", and shortly after getting it, I found out that my roommate was leaving,and leaving me with all the bills. (they were in my name because her credit was wrecked; believe me , it's a long story) Because she left, I now need to find a one bedroom apartment, as I get housing assistance, (some) and since she is gone, I am considered "overhoused" left in this two bedroom So, I now need to move out, and find a new place to live.

I still have near paralyzing panic attacks, most of them outside, but I am continuing to do exposure therapy, and deal with the attacks as best I can. I have had panic attacks since I was 11 years old, and developed agoraphobia in my early twenties. I have had some really horrendous periods of almost "hermit-status" in the intervening years, but then also, I didn't even know what I had until I was in my late twenties, and then not even sure then. I am 55 years old now, so this has obviously been a long-term problem for me. On the other hand, I have also had long periods of time when I coped really well with it, and had a lot of good years in the interim. And of course, this will be nothing new, but it always came back, no matter how many good years I had.

To the point of this thread. I always say to myself, "Lucinda says that we need to become our OWN safe place, and what that will feel like when we accomplish that" And I believe her. I've had some successes already just doing her program, relaxation exercises have been really helpful, and doing the exposure therapy has also helped. Still, I feel very anxious, and very frightened, about having to move, and leave my "actual safe place" here, which has been my home, (this particular apartment complex) for the past 8 years. And moving has always been probably my biggest stressor most of my life. And since I will be doing it mostly alone,especially the packing)I feel overwhelmed with all kinds of feelings, and emotions quite often. I have no family,(they are dead, and my two remaining cousins live in San Franscisco, and Honolulu; which is nearly all the way across the continent from me, here in Indiana) and very few friends,(since my last "hermitage" took place)so I feel very alone, and also afraid.

I keep telling myself that the move will ultimately do me some real good. And at least a few of the apartments are either right in the downtown area, or right off of it, and my chances of meeting more people, and breaking down my social phobia will also get much better. But even so, as I continue to look at the new apartments, I still feel very anxious.

Have any of you been through something like this before, while you were going through agoraphobia/panic disorder? And how did you handle it? I would really appreciate some of your feedback! I have to be out of here completely by the end of April, if not even possibly as soon as the end of March. (next month.) The time factor is also adding to my stress as well. Are there any suggestions that you all could make? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for listening to this too long. stretch of a thread.

Sincerely yours,

Lynn Luv

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:28 am

I can relate to panic over moving. You feel that where you live is your "safe place." Having to move would always send me into a very high state of panic and shake the very center of my security. My thoughts would always go immediately to "Oh my god I'll be out in the street homeless if I can't find another place to live etc. etc." My thoughts though were always worse than what was actually happening. I see that now but at the time I couldn't. What I'm trying to say is that leaving a place you feel is your security and safe place is not easy but try to keep focusing on your positive statements that your chances of meeting more people will get better and will help in breaking down your social phobia. I had to do this also when I was alone and had no help. I think how I did it was that my survival instinct kicked in. It's amazing sometimes what we can do when we are forced into. We just need to recognize and know this about ourselves and I think this program will help with this. Good luck.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:19 am

Have you considered getting a new roommate instead of getting a new apartment?

Is that possible? Could you stay where you are if you did?

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:28 am

lynn,
i can relate to what you are saying. in 2003 as i was going through the program and having skin cancer in 2004. i met and am now married to the lady that was there for me in virginia. then in oct of 04 we moved to north carolina..i had panic, anxiety and agrophobia..befoe we met i had drove over 4 hours to visit and meet her again .we were childhood sweethearts in the 7th and 8th grade..
we were married in april 2005...after we moved it did seem to get better. i think the stress of going through a divorce and skin cancer and all that and then geting through it was such a relief..
then in 2006 i woke up one day and it was gone..not to say that i was surprised as well as scared..but she was there each step of the way.
even though you are alone you are never with GODS HELP..
nowi can go and do things that i had not done in years and even go by myself..
you can do it as well. you have to step out of your comfort zone..
you know you have to move so go ahead and get started packing and make it something that you are looking forward too.
maybe there is someone even on here that lives close to you that can help you..
ask and see and see how surprised you will be to find some that will help you.
take care and good luck..let me know how you are doing..
on wednesday night we have a prayer group[ that meets on the phone and its a freecall. i did it for the 1st time wednesday night and it was such a blessing..
take care and GOD BLESS..
DON

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 12:17 am

Thank you all for your answers, and suggestions.I really do appreciate you taking the time to get back with me. Another thing that is really kind of vexing, is that now that I have Lucinda's program, and want to be able to actually spend the time to do it, and the homework as well, and be able to keep going on with it, thi

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:44 am

lynn,
I sure can relate to you,I am 54 have had this most of my life.Have had the program about 4 years only half done it.would feel better stop but never getting well.
I really need to apply myself 100 % I believe this program would work but you have to apply it,I have believed that I could not help my thoughts just had to accept them now that is going to be a chalange to change we hav e to give it all we have. and want it more than any thing I haven't done that yet.
is there not more apartments where you are that are housing for one. I think my mom lived in those.also don't look at this as bad maybe it is a beginning of something good. and what about another room mate. It is good you would be close to town there you could get the things you need living in a rual area has limits for me.the thought of new friends would be good,I also lost all mine due to isolating my self. I wonder what it would be like if a preson told there friend instead of isolating themselves.we are ashamed and afraid of rejecting and being laughed at amd not wanting sympathy,sure hope things work they will stay positive and reach out for help work the program and we are going to have to face our fears in order to get out of this rut we are in.

SeaRunner · Post by **SeaRunner** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 4:49 am

Thanks, forever young. Boy, I can sure relate to the isolating, and losing your friends because you are too frightened to tell them, are too ashamed,afraid of what they will think of you, and of course the ever popular, being rejected if they do know. Shame is as deadly a component of this disorder as the actual panic attacks, themselves.There have been times when I actually DID tell a couple of my friends, and did get rejected because my symptoms were so strong at that time, that I couldn't keep up, or enjoy the things that they wanted to do. The depression that accompanies agoraphobia is another very real, and painful factor.And you become more afraid of even trying to reach out to others, because of the rejection you have already experienced. I already feel like I am almost not worth anything, having someone, especially someone you love, or care for, reject you too is the true pits!!

Lynn

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:04 am

Incidentally, the priorly shortened reply where it looks like I just stopped mid word, or reply, was actually cut off, and not continued on the forum. I don't know if I did anything wrong or not, I didn't think that I did, cause I just replied to the poster who wanted to know if I could stay where I am if I found another roommate. I answered her/him with an affirmative, plus some other information that might have been too personal? but I didn't think it was, or anything that would be upsetting to the other posters here, but a lot of that reply was cut off.Let me know if I did anything wrong, o.k.? I value this forum, and my other peers too much to do anything incorrect or harmful.

Respectfully yours,

Lynn Luv

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:06 am

Lynn, first I would give yourself permission to have some anxiety over this. NO ONE likes to move! I'ts a pain in the butt. You will get tthrough this. Like you said this move may even do you some good. Try to turn this around ans see it all as a postive thing and the anxiety as excitment! Good Luck!
Kristen

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 12:42 pm

Thanks about the permission statement. I very often don't give myself permission to feel anything, that if looked at from another perspective, would only be normal response. The reason this is giving me more than usual fear, is the PTSD that I continue to have, since I was flooded out of my original apartment here in this same complex last February. It was absolutely horrid!And when I am packing things up now for the new move, I get flooded with those feelings, and a bit of the images also come up, as if I am reliving it.It just makes it so much more difficult to get through.

Nancy