Ok, I have been OBSESSING over this new relationship that I am in. It is weird. I feel a little anxious whenever I am around him and think about it constently. I have what-if thinking and just feeling hopeless. I have been obsessively coming on here trying to find people who have had the same problem and if they overcame it. I'm scared of getting to close to him and leaving. Or constently having these scary thoughts. I know there is going to be anxieties with new relationships. I have so far had a lot of fun with him and know we really like each other. I think we are moving slow and that is exactly what I think I need. I try and be postive but the thoughts are always there and I feel like even the program won't help with this anxiety. I know I want to feel loved, and don't want to be alone. Can anyone who has been through this and through their skills been able to overcome it. That is what I'm looking to hear from right now, because I hate thinking about this constently. I can't handle the anxiety! I haven't been sleeping well at all, and find it hard to concentrate during the day. And it's because I think these thoughts will never go away. and its really haaard. So, people out there please help me!
Thanks
scary thoughts about new relationship- advice please!
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Guest
I have been here. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. My ex thought I was crazy..cuz I was the one who ended up leaving him and he is still in love with me a year later! BUT..just please go SLOW...I might still be with him if we didnt move so fast, moving fast makes for some fast mistakes. Be good to yourself, I was a bit insecure ad I think about it still today that if I were to get into another relationship, would I freak out again? always thinking he will leave? why didnt he pick up the phone?? bla bla...
BE slow, be good to yourself, youll be ok!!
BE slow, be good to yourself, youll be ok!!
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Guest
The problem is that you are resisting your thoughts. You must practice allowing them to come and go instead of fighting them. You do not have to talk back to these thoughts. The same voice that created the questions is the same voice trying to find a solution. The right answer will not come that way. You need to go silent. Even if only for a moment.
Practice allowing your thoughts to come and go and whenever you find yourself talking back to these thoughts just bring yourself back to your breath. Always the breath. Notice the air going in and the air going out. Don't focus on whether it's deep breathing or not. That will come. For now, just focus on your breath. Keep it as slow as possible. When you practice allowing your thoughts to come and go, you are no longer resisting them and they are able to move out. They may come back but you can continue to dismiss them by going to your breath.
Answers can come to you when stop being frantic. Allowing stops the frantic nature. Then you will begin to see what you need to do.
Practice allowing your thoughts to come and go and whenever you find yourself talking back to these thoughts just bring yourself back to your breath. Always the breath. Notice the air going in and the air going out. Don't focus on whether it's deep breathing or not. That will come. For now, just focus on your breath. Keep it as slow as possible. When you practice allowing your thoughts to come and go, you are no longer resisting them and they are able to move out. They may come back but you can continue to dismiss them by going to your breath.
Answers can come to you when stop being frantic. Allowing stops the frantic nature. Then you will begin to see what you need to do.
When you're home and obsessing -pull out the program and keep working on it. Concentrate on it with all your heart and mind. Take the tapes in the car with you too and play whatever session you are on while driving. Let it all soak in.
We need to distract ourselves with something healthy, mentally or physically or both when the negatives start to bombard us. Working on this program is the start to the end of all that obsessive thinking.
This time, you'll finish the program and notice a huge change within yourself. Just getting not quite half way through last time,--- well, it didn't give you the chance to really learn the coping skills and incorporate them into your life. It also didn't give you the chance to get to the point where you could really say
" HEY, I LIKE MYSELF, AND LOVE MYSELF, AND I'M COMFORTABLE IN STANDING UP FOR MYSELF AND I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESS NOW, AND I WILL."
" I'm a valuable person and I'm really lovable, intelligent, capable, caring, compassionate (even with myself) and talented."
"I'm ready to handle what comes my way and it's OK if now and then stress gets to me a bit. It will pass and life goes on. It's no big deal!"
Got it?
We're all here to support and encourage you and send hugs your way.
Just remember, ----YOU have the ability to learn how to cope with what life throws at you. This program will show you how, just practice.
Breathe!!!!
Hugs to you.
We need to distract ourselves with something healthy, mentally or physically or both when the negatives start to bombard us. Working on this program is the start to the end of all that obsessive thinking.
This time, you'll finish the program and notice a huge change within yourself. Just getting not quite half way through last time,--- well, it didn't give you the chance to really learn the coping skills and incorporate them into your life. It also didn't give you the chance to get to the point where you could really say
" HEY, I LIKE MYSELF, AND LOVE MYSELF, AND I'M COMFORTABLE IN STANDING UP FOR MYSELF AND I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESS NOW, AND I WILL."
" I'm a valuable person and I'm really lovable, intelligent, capable, caring, compassionate (even with myself) and talented."
"I'm ready to handle what comes my way and it's OK if now and then stress gets to me a bit. It will pass and life goes on. It's no big deal!"
Got it?
We're all here to support and encourage you and send hugs your way.
Just remember, ----YOU have the ability to learn how to cope with what life throws at you. This program will show you how, just practice.
Breathe!!!!
Hugs to you.
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Guest
Wow, thanks for the supporting responses guys. It means alot! Actually, Boon-- Just since yesterday and today I have been practicing dismissing the thoughts and not talking back to them. Just in those 2 days alone I have actually been feeling so much better! It's pretty cool. I haven't been sleeping very well this last week AT ALL, and just by not talking back to my thoughts-- I slept perfectly and don't feel as "down" as I have been. Whenever I feel better though I feel I don't have to do the rest of the program. Which shouldn't be right but it's hard to re-do the program when you feel fine and find yourself being busy. But I really should just go all the way through! But your advice really helps. It's comforting to read and know there are so many people out there that care! thanks.. I'll work on doing the rest of the program to learn the skills and to get them down good!
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Guest
Hey there,
I know this post is a few weeks old, but I just wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through. I have suffered from anxiety and as a result depression for many years and I thought at first it was all related to the what if's about breaking up with my college boyfriend. I am the one who initiated the breakup,and that was to stop the constant anxiety I was already feeliing; which really didn't stop my attacks in fact they got worse. It took me a long time to realize that my anxiety is a part of me and it's just what I do, but it's not necessarily a good indicator of what I should do in a certain situation or what I want to do. I am not saying to ignore your anxiety by any means. What I am saying be careful with what you do with it. I spent more time with thoughts, obssession, and worries that I am possibly afraid of commitment, than I did actually being afraid of commitment and getting close. Not sure if that makes sense. My point is that the anxiety we have allows us to think scary thoughts which are many times not reality and what we want. Our actions is usually the true indicator of what we really want. With that said it is still important to understand where our anxiety comes from in order to "control" it. I hope this helps, but I would love to talk to you more about our experiences.
I know this post is a few weeks old, but I just wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through. I have suffered from anxiety and as a result depression for many years and I thought at first it was all related to the what if's about breaking up with my college boyfriend. I am the one who initiated the breakup,and that was to stop the constant anxiety I was already feeliing; which really didn't stop my attacks in fact they got worse. It took me a long time to realize that my anxiety is a part of me and it's just what I do, but it's not necessarily a good indicator of what I should do in a certain situation or what I want to do. I am not saying to ignore your anxiety by any means. What I am saying be careful with what you do with it. I spent more time with thoughts, obssession, and worries that I am possibly afraid of commitment, than I did actually being afraid of commitment and getting close. Not sure if that makes sense. My point is that the anxiety we have allows us to think scary thoughts which are many times not reality and what we want. Our actions is usually the true indicator of what we really want. With that said it is still important to understand where our anxiety comes from in order to "control" it. I hope this helps, but I would love to talk to you more about our experiences.