I got stuck in this train of thought today, Have you ever looked at your old school friends on the like of myspace/friend reunited etc? I have, and there they are some have traveled the world, most has good jobs, some have nice houses, some have nice cars. If we had a high school reunion, I would be totally ashamed and why?
I've never left the country
I have a min wage job in a factory
I don't even own my home, I rent
I can't drive
Thats just a few, and if you follow all these items back, Why have I not left the country? I can't get on a plane because of anxiety, Why do I have a crappy job? Because of my anxiety I didn't want to go to uni I feel like a total failure and whats worse is I don't have a clue how to change hence why I feel totally helpless. I have achieved nothing at all in my life because of my anxiety which in turn causes lack of motivation in life. Any good luck which has come my way has certainly nothing to do with me, it just sort of happened. IE kids, I have all the answers, I have all the CBT books, courses etc but I have no motivation at all to actually stick to anything, I suspect I also have depression, I just don't know what to do or where to turn to.
Can any of you's relate to any of this?
Feel totally helpless?
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Guest
The grass is always greener on the other side. When I was in my 20's I was making really good money, loved my job and I was traveling around the US and Europe for fun. I have a sister who is a year older then me and one night she told me she was jealous of me, she was married with kids, she had a job she didn't like and a part of her was envious that I loved my job and made a lot of money but more then that she was envious of me traveling all the time living a fun single life. I told her the grass is always greener on the other side, I said told her that I was envious that she has a fantastic husband and awesome kids. I also told her that she never dealt with anxiety like I did etc.
I own my own house (thanks to my parents I was able to buy my house because of my inheritance) I am 100% debt free, my car is paid off, I don't use credit cards I pay cash for whatever I want. On the outside I look like I have it all, but most people don't know how I suffer with anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. When I was younger I had a bad track record with jobs I got bored and quit them, or they made me too anxious and I quit them, I wasn't married in my early 20's, having kids or buying my own house like the rest of my siblings and sure they made me feel like I was the "looser" in the family because I wasn't living up to their standards (luckily my parents never made me feel that way they always accepted me for who I was and I was fortunate to be their "favorite" probably because I'm the youngest). I never really had motivation either until I was forced into situations, I had my license at 16 but I never drove until my father broke his hip and I was forced to start driving when I was 26, I hated responsibility and never had it until my father died and I had to take care of my mother and our house. Now I am motivated to overcome anxiety because I've had enough of living with it controlling me. Just because people you went to school with look like they have it all doesn't mean they are happy. Let overcoming your anxiety etc be your motivation to accomplish this, once you accomplish this I bet you will be ready to take on better things for your life that will bring you more happiness.
I own my own house (thanks to my parents I was able to buy my house because of my inheritance) I am 100% debt free, my car is paid off, I don't use credit cards I pay cash for whatever I want. On the outside I look like I have it all, but most people don't know how I suffer with anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. When I was younger I had a bad track record with jobs I got bored and quit them, or they made me too anxious and I quit them, I wasn't married in my early 20's, having kids or buying my own house like the rest of my siblings and sure they made me feel like I was the "looser" in the family because I wasn't living up to their standards (luckily my parents never made me feel that way they always accepted me for who I was and I was fortunate to be their "favorite" probably because I'm the youngest). I never really had motivation either until I was forced into situations, I had my license at 16 but I never drove until my father broke his hip and I was forced to start driving when I was 26, I hated responsibility and never had it until my father died and I had to take care of my mother and our house. Now I am motivated to overcome anxiety because I've had enough of living with it controlling me. Just because people you went to school with look like they have it all doesn't mean they are happy. Let overcoming your anxiety etc be your motivation to accomplish this, once you accomplish this I bet you will be ready to take on better things for your life that will bring you more happiness.
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Guest
I am married, with 3 wonderful children & a beautiful granddaughter. My husband and I own a ver successful business, we recently purchased our dream home all seems wonderful. ...... i had been over my panic attacks and anxiety for over 2 years close to 3. recently I began having them again. I have always been a very social person, I love entertaining and being around people, except when my anxiety is acting up. I look at others and wonder " they seem "normal". are they?" I think that is part of my problem I analize things too much. We let our fears control us. I just purchased the program and am waiting for it. Are either of u on the program?
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spedteacher
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2005 6:50 pm
Hey man....I live in Orange County California, drive a nice car, Had a nice girlfriend, have a decent job, yet, I'm terrified of doing the simpliest things, and am for the most part extreamly unhappy. My point is, if you had everything in the world (material, friends, whatevers) it wouldn't make a difference, you wouldn't be any happier. It's really horrible living this way, with or without a house etc.really
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Guest
Hi,
I went through this a couple of months ago on facebook and it's a long story. I didn't read others reply so forgive me if I am repetitive:). I have not only had anxiety and agoraphobia, but I've been through two life and death experiences, and my beautiful son was diagnosed with severe autism about 9 years ago. So, my life in no way turned out the way I planned it. I can travel more now, but there was a time for about a year where I couldn't make it to the mail box. Now, I see these people from high school on facebook or myspace and they're just now having normal children, live in fancy houses and drive fancy cars. I'll go, "why did this happen to me and my son? I was the one who defended the disabled kids at our school. These were the people that were so cruel and had such easy lives while I was abused and neglected. I married a nice guy, etc. and here's what's happened to us. Why?" I have a friend who's on facebook that was at the birth of my son. She held him in her arms and said, "You took such good care of yourself." Now, she has a son, and although she accepted my friendship on facebook, she wouldn't engage in a conversation with me. She was always someone that I could go back and talk with, and now, it's hard for me not to think it's that my son has autism. I was really upset 2 months ago, and I went on an autism support forum, and all of them set me straight;).
Let me just share some details with you that may make you feel better. I want to tell you first of all that myspace and facebook have some advantages, but please be aware that it's an environment without healthy boundaries and it is basically a false sense of intimacy. For example, I see people who are friends on high school from facebook who, if they still lived in the same town, wouldn't even say hello in the grocery store. It's a fake environment, and please don't compare your life to someone's myspace profile. I mean, so many people have anxiety disorder and they don't post that up on their profile! They don't tell you about their extra marital affairs, that they beat their children, or that they do drugs. They have photo shop for pictures, and gasp....people actually lie on there!!! Ever watch Romi and Michelle's high school reunion?? Myspace and Facebook could easily be filled with people who lie on a daily basis as if it's an every day class reunion.
Here's something that may make you feel better as well. I got on myspace a couple of years ago and had a horrible experience. I had dated this guy in high school who was really horrible to me, and I almost killed myself over him my senior year in high school. He would beg me to go back with him and then he would break up with me. Everytime I would go back with him, the stress would get worse and I would get acne. He finally broke it off when I looked my worst. He was considered cool, and I lost status and friends when he broke up with me. I mean, I had to walk by the guy I lost my virginity to in the hallways, and actually overheard him making fun of me or admitting details about our sex life. After high school, he tried to get back with me once and I had changed, but not enough so I gave him a little shot with a lot of boundaries because I did love him. He failed my tests and broke it off the same as he had in the past, but this time, I wiped off my tears within three seconds and focused on college and acting and focused on just developing my identity without a boyfriend. That's how I met my husband:). I knew more who I was, and I attracted someone who was the exact opposite of the ex. The ex found out I was getting married, and wrote me a long letter proclaiming that he would love me until he died. I fell for it just a little and called him, but it took me about five seconds to know that he was up to his old tricks when he started changing what he said in the letter. I said goodbye to him and married my husband.
Well, I got onto myspace two years ago, and he was on there. I didn't try to contact him, because that would have been extremely inappropriate. I mean, I was married, and his profile said he was married, etc. No reason to dig up that. I had forgiven him because we were just teenagers, but we weren't meant to interact anymore. I appreciated the few good memories I had while dating him and the memories of who I was, but that was in the past. All was said and done. Well, when I posted my picture on my profile, he contacted me immediately. He demanded to know if it was me and said he didn't want to cause any trouble but wanted to talk. I sensed that he was pushy and I just ignored him, and it was only for a day at first, and he demanded that I talk with him, and I really didn't want to talk with him. Then he sent me this long message saying that I made him the person he is today(No one person makes anyone who they are and it wasn't flattering to hear that I had turned him into a stalker!), that he needed to talk with me and that although we were both married, something was missing in his life since he was last with me. I mean, this was a guy who wouldn't come and drive me and my sister to the hospital when my dad was an in ambulance with a possible heart attack. This is a guy who wouldn't come get me when I had no way to leave my home when my mom was going on a drunken rampage. He said he couldn't because he was out mowing the lawn and a limb had fallen on his head! So, I mean, it does make me angry that he really thought that he could say he needed me and that I would just be there for him! Who are these people?
I got scared, and got off. I thought that was it, and then over a holiday weekend my phone began to ring! It was him from the caller ID, and he would call and just let my phone ring. He kept uping how many times he would call and how long he would let the phone ring! Finally, I talked with a counselor and I made a "no contact" statement to him, and that was it. I got back on with a more anonymous identity, never looked at his page again and steered clear of him and didn't put myself on our high school page. Well, don't you know it, he and my sister(she's horribly abusive and we are estranged) became friends on there a few months ago. She found out I was on and then told him and he sent me a friend request so that I would see that he and my sister were friends, and then he blocked me. I only know he blocked me from the friend request he sent and not because I tried to contact him.
O.K., does that sound like he's cool to you? He also got on facebook, and I got off, but not before I saw him befriend my ex friends from high school that he never had anything to do with. I mean, he's married, has a daughter, in the military and been all over the world, but he's wasting his time on myspace and facebook collecting ex girlfriend's and their sisters as friends! He has this voracious desire to make everyone think that he's successful, yet he resorted to calling my married home while I was raising my son with severe autism. I mean, my life is supposed to suck more than his, but something is "missing" from his life and he's that pathetic! So, don't fall for the myspace facebook trap!
Be motivated to do the wonderful things you want to do in life, but don't be motivated out of jealousy or false comparisons to someone's facebook page. You can achieve your dreams in life, but let love for yourself and others be your motivation. You can overcome anxiety, and I have seen plenty of people do it and travel the world, but don't do it because you think that people from high school have outachieved you...because who knows what is really going on in their lives-they could be stalking someone or having an affair when they are married on facebook. You don't want to be them, you want to be you:)!
Take care,
luvpiggy
I went through this a couple of months ago on facebook and it's a long story. I didn't read others reply so forgive me if I am repetitive:). I have not only had anxiety and agoraphobia, but I've been through two life and death experiences, and my beautiful son was diagnosed with severe autism about 9 years ago. So, my life in no way turned out the way I planned it. I can travel more now, but there was a time for about a year where I couldn't make it to the mail box. Now, I see these people from high school on facebook or myspace and they're just now having normal children, live in fancy houses and drive fancy cars. I'll go, "why did this happen to me and my son? I was the one who defended the disabled kids at our school. These were the people that were so cruel and had such easy lives while I was abused and neglected. I married a nice guy, etc. and here's what's happened to us. Why?" I have a friend who's on facebook that was at the birth of my son. She held him in her arms and said, "You took such good care of yourself." Now, she has a son, and although she accepted my friendship on facebook, she wouldn't engage in a conversation with me. She was always someone that I could go back and talk with, and now, it's hard for me not to think it's that my son has autism. I was really upset 2 months ago, and I went on an autism support forum, and all of them set me straight;).
Let me just share some details with you that may make you feel better. I want to tell you first of all that myspace and facebook have some advantages, but please be aware that it's an environment without healthy boundaries and it is basically a false sense of intimacy. For example, I see people who are friends on high school from facebook who, if they still lived in the same town, wouldn't even say hello in the grocery store. It's a fake environment, and please don't compare your life to someone's myspace profile. I mean, so many people have anxiety disorder and they don't post that up on their profile! They don't tell you about their extra marital affairs, that they beat their children, or that they do drugs. They have photo shop for pictures, and gasp....people actually lie on there!!! Ever watch Romi and Michelle's high school reunion?? Myspace and Facebook could easily be filled with people who lie on a daily basis as if it's an every day class reunion.
Here's something that may make you feel better as well. I got on myspace a couple of years ago and had a horrible experience. I had dated this guy in high school who was really horrible to me, and I almost killed myself over him my senior year in high school. He would beg me to go back with him and then he would break up with me. Everytime I would go back with him, the stress would get worse and I would get acne. He finally broke it off when I looked my worst. He was considered cool, and I lost status and friends when he broke up with me. I mean, I had to walk by the guy I lost my virginity to in the hallways, and actually overheard him making fun of me or admitting details about our sex life. After high school, he tried to get back with me once and I had changed, but not enough so I gave him a little shot with a lot of boundaries because I did love him. He failed my tests and broke it off the same as he had in the past, but this time, I wiped off my tears within three seconds and focused on college and acting and focused on just developing my identity without a boyfriend. That's how I met my husband:). I knew more who I was, and I attracted someone who was the exact opposite of the ex. The ex found out I was getting married, and wrote me a long letter proclaiming that he would love me until he died. I fell for it just a little and called him, but it took me about five seconds to know that he was up to his old tricks when he started changing what he said in the letter. I said goodbye to him and married my husband.
Well, I got onto myspace two years ago, and he was on there. I didn't try to contact him, because that would have been extremely inappropriate. I mean, I was married, and his profile said he was married, etc. No reason to dig up that. I had forgiven him because we were just teenagers, but we weren't meant to interact anymore. I appreciated the few good memories I had while dating him and the memories of who I was, but that was in the past. All was said and done. Well, when I posted my picture on my profile, he contacted me immediately. He demanded to know if it was me and said he didn't want to cause any trouble but wanted to talk. I sensed that he was pushy and I just ignored him, and it was only for a day at first, and he demanded that I talk with him, and I really didn't want to talk with him. Then he sent me this long message saying that I made him the person he is today(No one person makes anyone who they are and it wasn't flattering to hear that I had turned him into a stalker!), that he needed to talk with me and that although we were both married, something was missing in his life since he was last with me. I mean, this was a guy who wouldn't come and drive me and my sister to the hospital when my dad was an in ambulance with a possible heart attack. This is a guy who wouldn't come get me when I had no way to leave my home when my mom was going on a drunken rampage. He said he couldn't because he was out mowing the lawn and a limb had fallen on his head! So, I mean, it does make me angry that he really thought that he could say he needed me and that I would just be there for him! Who are these people?
I got scared, and got off. I thought that was it, and then over a holiday weekend my phone began to ring! It was him from the caller ID, and he would call and just let my phone ring. He kept uping how many times he would call and how long he would let the phone ring! Finally, I talked with a counselor and I made a "no contact" statement to him, and that was it. I got back on with a more anonymous identity, never looked at his page again and steered clear of him and didn't put myself on our high school page. Well, don't you know it, he and my sister(she's horribly abusive and we are estranged) became friends on there a few months ago. She found out I was on and then told him and he sent me a friend request so that I would see that he and my sister were friends, and then he blocked me. I only know he blocked me from the friend request he sent and not because I tried to contact him.
O.K., does that sound like he's cool to you? He also got on facebook, and I got off, but not before I saw him befriend my ex friends from high school that he never had anything to do with. I mean, he's married, has a daughter, in the military and been all over the world, but he's wasting his time on myspace and facebook collecting ex girlfriend's and their sisters as friends! He has this voracious desire to make everyone think that he's successful, yet he resorted to calling my married home while I was raising my son with severe autism. I mean, my life is supposed to suck more than his, but something is "missing" from his life and he's that pathetic! So, don't fall for the myspace facebook trap!
Be motivated to do the wonderful things you want to do in life, but don't be motivated out of jealousy or false comparisons to someone's facebook page. You can achieve your dreams in life, but let love for yourself and others be your motivation. You can overcome anxiety, and I have seen plenty of people do it and travel the world, but don't do it because you think that people from high school have outachieved you...because who knows what is really going on in their lives-they could be stalking someone or having an affair when they are married on facebook. You don't want to be them, you want to be you:)!
Take care,
luvpiggy