I Suffered From "Major Panic Attacks" for 21 Years of My Life!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:06 pm

Hi Everyone

I know how it feels to suffer from severe panic attacks, day in and day out!!! I suffered from MAJOR PANIC ATTACKS FOR 21 YEARS OF MY ADULT LIFE!!!

I became agoraphobic because I had such a great fear of those panic attacks!!! My world became smaller and smaller, until finally, I did not want to leave my home, nor did I, unless I absolutely could not get out of it!!!

Believe me, I could not have been more scared of my body symptoms, if someone had a loaded gun stuck to my head!!! It was absolutely terrifying!!!

It seemed like those "panic attacks" would feel different from time to time, so each time that I had one, then, I thought it could NOT be a panic attack this time, since I felt just too weird...It had to be something very major that was wrong with me!!! So, I would totally flip out!!! I just knew I was dying every single day of my life all day long and yet, I never did die!!!

I can remember praying every single day of my life for those panic attacks to just stop!!! I would lie down and take a nap and pray that when I got up, I would feel normal again!!! I did this continuously, nonstop, day in and day out!!! I never lived--- I just existed!!!

When I read through the postings on this little forum, then, I am reminded how blessed that I truly am to have come out of that "dark pit" and entered into the light!!! Because, it felt just like a "dark pit" to me!!!

I would become sooooo weak from those panic attacks that I would be cooking dinner and I would have to sit down to finish it!!! I would get a chair and sit by the cooking stove and just plop down into it!!!

I got soooo bad with those attacks that I dreaded even beginning cooking, since I knew that I could NOT just run off and leave my food unattended!!! I had to stick it out!!! I felt trapped in my own kitchen!!!

Then when it came time to clean up the kitchen, I would hold on to the sink for support because I felt sooooo weak, shaky and off balance!!!

I can remember sooooo many times lying down on my own bed and totally flipping out!!! I thought sure that I was dying, since my heart was pounding so hard and racing out of my chest, and I had sooooo MANY other body symptoms going on at the same time!!!

I only drove if I had to and could not get out of it!!! I live in a small rural area, but, driving 5 miles to town scared me to death!!!

I would begin praying just as soon as I got into the vehicle and I never ever will forget those major body symptoms!!! I would use every one's house around here as landmarkers!!! I would think to myself, I could pull over at so and so's house, if I can't make it any further!!!

I would feel soooooo faint, disoriented and would be trembling from head to toe!!! My heart was doing flip flops, pounding out of my chest, racing, and it felt and though all the blood was rushing to my head and from my head...It was such a scary time for me!!! I call it on a scale of 1-10, a 10+...God knows that it was that bad, if not worse!!!

I would pull off the road, when I just didn't think I could make it any further!!! I would sit there hoping the symptoms would ease off!!!
But, they never would, so, I would start up my engine and drive really fast trying to make it to my destination (town) or back home!!!

By the time, I had reached home, I would be in tears!!! I would be shaking sooooo hard that I did not think I could even make it into the house!!!

I was always exhausted because I was always trying to recuperate from the last one and then another one would hit!!! So, I spent a lot of time in bed just trying to get my energy level back up!!!

I had to sit down to take showers because my legs would be trembling so hard and I always felt "off balance"...That sounds horrible, but, it is the truth!!!

If someone just mentioned the word "panic attack" then, I would have one!!! I was that scared of them!!!

I can remember feeling sooooo trapped in my own little world!!! I could NOT even go to therapy because I could NOT be in any public facility without feeling very faint, plus feeling every other body symptom under the sun!!!

When I had to go into a grocery store, no matter how small it was, I would have all of those symptoms!!! I had every single thing memorized, so, I could hurry and get out of there!!! And trust me, I would practically run to throw those groceries in a cart and I rushed really fast to pay out!!!

If I was at a Walmart or any other type of larger store, I would always memorize where our vehicle was parked, and that "exit" sign never left my sight!!! I would stay a max of 5 minutes in there and I would have to go get into the vehicle still totally flipping out and praying that my hubby would hurry up!!!

I never had a cell phone in those days, nor, did I have a computer!!! I could not call someone to come to my rescue and I could not get on a computer and do any research!!!

I avoided doctor's offices!!! I hated them!!! I was soooo scared that they would confirm my worse "suspicions" that I was dying of some horrible disease!!!

Those were really tough times for me and I thought I was the only person in the whole world who did these type of things!!! So, I felt VERY alone, confused and extremely frightened!!!

This is why that I come to this little forum!!! I have been there and done that!!! I know exactly how each of you are feeling and my heart goes out to you!!!

I know how it feels to be scared out of your "wits" and it was many years before I could get the StressCenter.com program!!!

You need to understand that for years, I had never even heard of a panic attack, so, I had no idea what was wrong with me!!!

I rehearsed my funeral over and over again in my mind!!! I just new every second was my last!!!

I know that this posting is very long, but, I just needed to let each of you in on some of the things which I suffered during those 21 years of my life!!!

If any of you want to know anything about my recovery, then, all you have to do is to read throughout my postings and you will find those things!!!

If I suffered in this way for 21 years of my life and overcame it by the Grace of God and help of the StressCenter.com program, then, I know that every single person on this little forum can overcome all of these things!!!

Do not give up!!! Never give up!!! Within 3 months of beginning the program, I was well on my road to recovery!!!

If I can do it, then, I am positive that every single one of you can!!!

God Bless each and every single one of you is my prayer for you tonight and always!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:36 pm

I am reposting this one, since, I just typed it out and I want it above my "prior" postings...LOL..

minanyc · Post by **minanyc** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:40 am

Dear Ms T bones
You are so wonderful, you should know that by now. I have set it up so every time you write a post to notify me. I love all your posts just because it reminds me to shake off my anxiety and panic attacks.
I appreciate that after getting over the anxiety you are still here and lifting us up. I thank you for that.
sometimes its hard to imagine but i know anxiety will go away, i have to work at it.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 4:25 am

Good Morning

I am soooooo thankful that you are helped in some way by my postings!!! One just never knows who are reading these things and are being "inspired" by them!!!

I would never have dreamed that anyone would have their notifications turned on, so, that when I post they could read the posting!!!

You are such a sweetheart!!! I pray that you have a beautiful day and May God Bless You Tremendously on Your Journey To Recovery!!!

Havefaith21 · Post by **Havefaith21** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 6:12 am

Ms. T Bones, I love reading your posts, I dont always reply to them, but i read them ALL! Your such an inspiration!!! I am dealing with agoraphobia right now, so when i read your post, it gives me a glimmer of hope, and makes me wanna push through these! I just have to learn how, which by reading your post im going to put your knowledge into action!! Thanks again for being so wonderful!!!!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:29 am

Hi Havefaith

You will overcome this agoraphobic thing!!! You just need to do the program and work on your negative thoughts!!! Also, make sure to do the relaxation tape/CD at least twice daily and do the breathing exercises while just sitting around during the day, all throughout your days...

Also, surround yourself with lots of positivity!!! Google every positive uplifting and inspirational site that you can find on the internet!!!

Trust in God and just pray to HIM to bless the program, as well as, these other things you are doing to get well!!!

Never wait for that magic wand, since, it doesn't happen that way!!! Trust me on that one!!!

God gives us knowledge and HE wants every single one of us to use the knowledge that HE has blessed us with!!!

Honestly, I had no idea that either of you read any of my postings, little alone, all of them!!!

I thank God that I am able to be of help to the two of you in some odd way!!!

Have a beautiful day and May God Richly Bless You on Your Journey to Recovery!!!

Havefaith21 · Post by **Havefaith21** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:33 am

Thank you again Ms. T Bones, im going to put forth the effort to get rid of this!! Im going to put 100% effort into the program and the relaxation cd. Thanks again for all your kind words and just being there! Your Awesome! =)

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:04 am

Hi Havefaith,
I am soooooooooooooooooooo proud of you!!! If you put 100& into the program and into overcoming these things, then you will overcome them!!! Period!!!

Trust me, it is well worth the effort and so are you!!! God Bless You Havefaith on your journey to recovery!!!

manofmusic · Post by **manofmusic** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 12:07 pm

Isn't it amazing what a panic attack can do to your body and mind ????? I had the same symptoms as you. If someone even acted like they were "flipping out" I would too (except mine was real ! LOL) Driving was especially tough for me too.

Thanks for the post Ms. T Bones !

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 3:13 pm

Hi manofmusic

Wow!!! It sure does feel very real and I suppose it is, since these type of adrenaline rushes are no fun at all!!!

Talking about a "roller coaster ride"...One stays on one and can't seem to get off...Tee Hee...

The mind is sooooo powerful and it sure can do numbers on one's body!!!

Of course, we know these adrenaline rushes are not dangerous at all, and our bodies do need adrenaline in case we are in real danger!!!

The funny thing is how that we can scare our own selves into a major panic attack due to our negative thoughts and worries!!!

When we really get it...That we are the ones who are scaring our own selves, then, we know there is nothing to fear and just stop running and the panic attacks just don't come around anymore!!!

We have turned the tables on them and they do not know how to act, since we were always the runners and they were the chasers...Now, we are the chasers and they are no where to be found...

I am out of that place and I ain't going back there!!! I am living for the present, since, I am not a robot and cannot go backwards or forwards...Tee Hee!!!

I sooooo appreciate your postings manofmusic!!! They make me feel like sharing these things are worth my time and effort!!!

Have a beautiful night in Christ Jesus!!! God Bless You Tonight and Always is my prayer for you!!!