About six months later, it was all over and we were divorced. We have a four year old son. Even though we were married less than 6 years, I ended up paying her alimony for 2.5 years, and also pay full child support, even though I have our son almost half of the time. I just don't get the child support laws - I don't think they are FAIR, and have always really struggled with that. I also blamed Kristen (my ex) for not having more of a conscience, and agreeing to something that is more fair and reasonable. I have continued to plead with her to try to come up with something that is a bit more fair, but she wants no part of it.
So I was just chatting with a friend about this. It's amazing how therapeutic just talking to someone else can be. But that is something I have always struggled with - social anxiety has always been my "thing". Anyway, as I was talking to her about it, I realized that my main issue with all of this is that I was EXPECTING Kristen to be more like me - to have more of a conscience and feel guilty for taking so much money from me. But she just doesn't see it all this way, and probably never will. As my friend said, she is just a selfish b*tch (sorry), and probably won't change. But I like to believe that there is good in all of us, and that people will always just do the "right" thing. The only problem with that is that it has to be MY "right" thing.
She will probably never see things the way I do, and I am not going to change that. The only thing I can control is how I react. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y starting to get all of this, but I definitely lose my way with it in almost a blink of an eye it seems like. I'll catch myself an hour from now over-analyzing this whole thing in my head, and having fictitious arguments with her about it that will undoubtedly never take place. I just need to move on!!! Why is this so hard!!??Peace everyone.
John