Relationships

10K_Moo · Post by **10K_Moo** » Mon May 11, 2009 9:43 am

Hello everyone... I am new to the forum (not to the program though) and I have an issue I would like some feedback/advice on. I have been with the same girl for the past 6 years (I am 23 and we started dating in high school). I began to struggle with anxiety a couple of years ago and it has been an on/off battle for quite a while but I have been making a lot of progress... My issue is that I proposed to my girlfriend in December and I am now seriously regretting it and I have been NON STOP obsessing about whether my fiance is the right person for me... prior to going through the program I was too afraid to even explore the notion of leaving my girlfriend, but as I got more and more comfortable with attacking my fears I began thinking about the nature of our relationship, and frankly I am not sure that I am in love with her anymore. I often find myself day dreaming of what it might be like to be with someone else (no one in particular though) and along with these feelings comes a lot of guilt. The tough part is that she is truly head over heals for me, and she is THE sweetest girl possibly on the planet and besides that she is absolutely gorgeous. We just have very little in common. For instance I can be very witty and cerebral and I find that I often have to tone down the intellect to have a conversation with her. Many times, either she just doesn't get my jokes/wise cracks or she doesn't find them funny at all. Our whole relationship is very playful.... but has very little content. I struggle at times, like when we are out to dinner, to find interesting things to talk about. There is usually awkward silence, interrupted by some type of silly gesture to break the tension. None of this was apparent to me until we began to spend time together everyday. There are many things that I really like about her, but our personalities don't seem to mesh... am I being too analytical and perfectionistic.... or are my concerns legit? Any input is greatly appreciated!

mallorygodisgood · Post by **mallorygodisgood** » Mon May 11, 2009 10:00 am

Hello! First of all I do not think that you being too analytical. If this is the girlyou are going to marry, you need to be sure...a lot more sure than what you are. You arent married yet, and if you are feeling like you arent in love with her, I would suggest taking a break. A lot of people do this and if it is meant to be,then you wont be able to live without her. Being married is a HUGE commitment and it doesnt really sound like you are ready for that with her. That is just my opinion. I do think that obsessing could come into play with this also. Just be sure that you are really feeling this way inside. I mean does the thought of being away from her crush you? If not, I would suggest a break before you pursue marriage further. I mean you want to be sure if you are going to spend the rest of your life with this person. You might find that you love her a lot more than you think...or not.

10K_Moo · Post by **10K_Moo** » Mon May 11, 2009 3:55 pm

Good call!.... thanks for the reply.... I think that is a good idea... if only I had the guts to do it! I think that I am just going to try to get my mind off of things for a while and not obsess... maybe I'll be able to see things clearer then. I already told her (the night before we were going to put the deposit down for the caterer!) that I wasn't ready yet... and of course she cried and I felt awful about it. So right now she is basically waiting on me anyway. I just don't want to lead her on, and at the same time I don't want to do something I will regret.

Jacquelin · Post by **Jacquelin** » Fri May 15, 2009 11:24 am

Hey,
your situation is all to familiar to me. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it hurts.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years, since I was a sophmore in high school, and now things aren't going to well. He is such a wonderful person but I am just not happy with him anymore. I would like nothing more than to feel the way I used to feel but I don't right now. I remember how happy we once were and it just hurts. I am afraid to leave him because I am afraid he won't be okay without me. On the other hand sometimes when I think about being separated I feel a bit of excitment. I think this is because I have shaped my whole world around him and I have given up so much. I am going to talk to him right now and I will see how it goes.