Hi all
I am new to this program and having a little bit of a hard time.
I started having severe panic attacks a few years ago after the birth of my daughter who is now 7. Before then I could drive, fly go anywhere (well anywhere except for an escillator...bizarre I know). I had a great job I was independant, my head was always held high, you would think I owned the streets they way I walked them. I lived in NY and had my house built in PA so twice a month there I was driving over 3 bridges, 2 of them are huge (one way) at least twice a month with my son in tow. Then it all changed one fateful day a few years later when driving to CT to visit with my sister in law. I had a MAJOR panic attack on a bridge driving there (I had previously driven over this bridge many times with no problem). Had another on the way back home. Since then I've scared myself into doing nothing for the fear of having more panic attacks. At my worst I couldn't even walk to my own mailbox for fear that I'd have a panic attack in my driveway and my children would be left unattended in the house and a neighbor would find me and I'd be embarassed.
About 2 years ago I literally forced myself to start "feeling the fear and doing it anyway" I came a long way but my world is still so small around me. I can now go to the bank, grocery store etc.... But gone are the days of heading to visit family out of state on a whim. This week I have made it almost to the bridge that seperates me from the rest of my life. If I want to visit any family members I have to cross this bridge...I can't even visit my husband at work if I can't drive over this stupid bridge... but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I just want to be Her again. The girl that grabbed her children...a diaper bag and headed anywhere with no hesitation. I don't want to be this person anymore who won't let her child try out for a sport because she knows she can't drive to all the games.
I am just so sick of being this person I became. I want the old me back and I can't seem to get there.
Where did SHE go and how can I get HER back
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Guest
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Guest
Hi, Alipal,
I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to become crippled by panic attacks, and everyone on here knows what that is like. This program can and will help you, and I have every confidence that you will get to a place of freedom so you can come and go anywhere as you please at any time.
As a person who lost her ability to drive and function after experiencing severe trauma when my son was diagnosed with autism and being near an F-4 tornado where eleven people died, I understand the pain of wanting to be "her", who I used to be. I've shared this story on here before, and I don't mind sharing it again-in a more shortened version:). This story is based on my religious faith so I hope it doesn't offend.
During the height of my trauma, I just wanted my old self to come back. A friend had come over to my house to pray for me, and she said that God had told her to bring batteries for some reason. After she left, I continued to pray and I came across a chapter in a Joyce Meyers' book that was entitled, "He Restoreth My Soul." In that chapter, Joyce Meyer talked about how it didn't matter about your setbacks or how far you had veered from God's plan for you because He has the ability to "restoreth" your soul and put you back where you are supposed to be. In that instant I looked at the batteries that my friend thought could be used for one of my son's toys, and I realized that I was still me, but that I just needed some new batteries!:) From my religious beliefs, I decided that God was going to put new batteries in me:).
Most of us who use this program or have anxiety struggle with wanting to be who we used to be. This program teaches you that you will not only be who you used to be, but you will be better than you were before! As I struggled during my time of wanting the old me to return, I got that message from my friend, and then I read Lucinda Bassett's book "From Panic to Power" which provided the same message. I decided on faith to believe that God was giving me that message of hope.
Years later, when I was better, I was listening to a sermon where a preacher said, the original translation of "restore" in the Bible means to "make better than before." So, all along, God was telling the that He would not simply give me the "old me" back, but He would make me better than I was before. I believe He promises all who are struggling with anxiety and who are seeking help that that will certainly be the case:), and that most certainly includes you:). I am not 100%, but I can honestly tell you that after knowing what I know now, I don't want to be the "her" I was before.
In going through this, I also started to look at my motivations for wanting to get well. Through that, I discovered that it was really important to love and accept myself where I was at, and because of my religious beliefs, to let God love me where I was at. I am not saying not to do the work in this program to be able to function the way you desire. Please don't misunderstand me, but please do not base your ability to love yourself and give yourself value on your performance with anxiety. Do what it takes to get well, but always love yourself and admit your accomplishments, even at your very worst with anxiety. You do have value, you are a good mother, you do have accomplishments, and who you are right now deserves as much love as the person who could drive three hours a day over bridges!:) Again, I have every confidence that you can learn techniques from this program to get well, but please make sure to love yourself where you are at and to treat yourself like you are who you used to be:). When I experienced that shift of separating my value from my performance with anxiety, my anxiety really dissipated because the pressure was off. I really started to heal:).
Hope something I said helped, and there is a lot of hope for you.
Take care,
luvpiggy
I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to become crippled by panic attacks, and everyone on here knows what that is like. This program can and will help you, and I have every confidence that you will get to a place of freedom so you can come and go anywhere as you please at any time.
As a person who lost her ability to drive and function after experiencing severe trauma when my son was diagnosed with autism and being near an F-4 tornado where eleven people died, I understand the pain of wanting to be "her", who I used to be. I've shared this story on here before, and I don't mind sharing it again-in a more shortened version:). This story is based on my religious faith so I hope it doesn't offend.
During the height of my trauma, I just wanted my old self to come back. A friend had come over to my house to pray for me, and she said that God had told her to bring batteries for some reason. After she left, I continued to pray and I came across a chapter in a Joyce Meyers' book that was entitled, "He Restoreth My Soul." In that chapter, Joyce Meyer talked about how it didn't matter about your setbacks or how far you had veered from God's plan for you because He has the ability to "restoreth" your soul and put you back where you are supposed to be. In that instant I looked at the batteries that my friend thought could be used for one of my son's toys, and I realized that I was still me, but that I just needed some new batteries!:) From my religious beliefs, I decided that God was going to put new batteries in me:).
Most of us who use this program or have anxiety struggle with wanting to be who we used to be. This program teaches you that you will not only be who you used to be, but you will be better than you were before! As I struggled during my time of wanting the old me to return, I got that message from my friend, and then I read Lucinda Bassett's book "From Panic to Power" which provided the same message. I decided on faith to believe that God was giving me that message of hope.
Years later, when I was better, I was listening to a sermon where a preacher said, the original translation of "restore" in the Bible means to "make better than before." So, all along, God was telling the that He would not simply give me the "old me" back, but He would make me better than I was before. I believe He promises all who are struggling with anxiety and who are seeking help that that will certainly be the case:), and that most certainly includes you:). I am not 100%, but I can honestly tell you that after knowing what I know now, I don't want to be the "her" I was before.
In going through this, I also started to look at my motivations for wanting to get well. Through that, I discovered that it was really important to love and accept myself where I was at, and because of my religious beliefs, to let God love me where I was at. I am not saying not to do the work in this program to be able to function the way you desire. Please don't misunderstand me, but please do not base your ability to love yourself and give yourself value on your performance with anxiety. Do what it takes to get well, but always love yourself and admit your accomplishments, even at your very worst with anxiety. You do have value, you are a good mother, you do have accomplishments, and who you are right now deserves as much love as the person who could drive three hours a day over bridges!:) Again, I have every confidence that you can learn techniques from this program to get well, but please make sure to love yourself where you are at and to treat yourself like you are who you used to be:). When I experienced that shift of separating my value from my performance with anxiety, my anxiety really dissipated because the pressure was off. I really started to heal:).
Hope something I said helped, and there is a lot of hope for you.
Take care,
luvpiggy
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Guest
Thank you schif & luv
Luv - I am a Christian so no offense taken at all. I actually put on the Christian music station to help me stay grounded while I was in the car today.
I tested my 6 steps today and quess what .....I did great !!!!!! I didnt try the bridge again I decided to try an interstate that I have been avoiding for years. I had a mild panic attack when I got on but it never made it past a 5. I floated through it and didnt have to pull over or anything. I felt so good. I went to pick something up for my husband and as I sat at a traffic light ready to make a left I realized that there was a bridge on that road just after my turn. I actually laughed to myself. It was a amall one but it would have freaked me out before...not this time. I made my left knowing that if I felt anxious I could handle it. Years ago my knees would have been shaking and I'd have been hyperventilating just looking at the thing. I spent 4 hours driving today to get far enough away so I could test my steps and my world just got a little bigger
By the end of the week I'm gonna try the bigger bridge I have been avoiding. We leave for NY this weekend and if I do well enough I will try the bigger NYC bridges. My husband will be in the car if I get too bad.
Luv - I am a Christian so no offense taken at all. I actually put on the Christian music station to help me stay grounded while I was in the car today.
I tested my 6 steps today and quess what .....I did great !!!!!! I didnt try the bridge again I decided to try an interstate that I have been avoiding for years. I had a mild panic attack when I got on but it never made it past a 5. I floated through it and didnt have to pull over or anything. I felt so good. I went to pick something up for my husband and as I sat at a traffic light ready to make a left I realized that there was a bridge on that road just after my turn. I actually laughed to myself. It was a amall one but it would have freaked me out before...not this time. I made my left knowing that if I felt anxious I could handle it. Years ago my knees would have been shaking and I'd have been hyperventilating just looking at the thing. I spent 4 hours driving today to get far enough away so I could test my steps and my world just got a little bigger
By the end of the week I'm gonna try the bigger bridge I have been avoiding. We leave for NY this weekend and if I do well enough I will try the bigger NYC bridges. My husband will be in the car if I get too bad.-
Guest
Ali
that is Awesome!! I love your motivation and inspiration to do more and get better.Take your time and remember to stop and smell the roses too.I am encouraged by how brave you were in that car. 4 hours? WOW!!! You rock! My brother recommended to me that maybe I take a camera with me when I go out so that I can take pics if I have to stop somewhere to recoup a little.You know soaking up my surroundings and enjoying them. Anyway. I am soo happy for you! I can't wait till I get to my 4 hour road trip day.
that is Awesome!! I love your motivation and inspiration to do more and get better.Take your time and remember to stop and smell the roses too.I am encouraged by how brave you were in that car. 4 hours? WOW!!! You rock! My brother recommended to me that maybe I take a camera with me when I go out so that I can take pics if I have to stop somewhere to recoup a little.You know soaking up my surroundings and enjoying them. Anyway. I am soo happy for you! I can't wait till I get to my 4 hour road trip day.
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Guest
Oh I wanted to add that I totally agree with the New Me rather than the Old Me. The Old Me is what got me into this mess in the first place. So I totally want the New and Improved Jill. I even got rid of all my thin clothes and don't have 4 sizes in my closet. It's here and now Baby!I figured that if or when I get to my goal weight I am not going to want to wear clothes from 6-10 yrs ago..Heck No, I want New stuff.. :p
Blessings
J~
Blessings
J~
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Guest
Thanks Jill. off topic : my son is the BIGGEST Denver Colorado fan that ever lived lol.
I live in the country so everything is far, the road I had to get on is over an hour away and the place I had to go pick something up was close to 2 hours away. I needed to drop the children off with a friend and spent some time in the Wal Mart parking lot on the way before I got on the dreaded interstate that I was afraid of. the 4 hours was intotal from door to door...not 4 hours one way.
LOL about the new clothes...new ones are in order when you get back in size 4
I live in the country so everything is far, the road I had to get on is over an hour away and the place I had to go pick something up was close to 2 hours away. I needed to drop the children off with a friend and spent some time in the Wal Mart parking lot on the way before I got on the dreaded interstate that I was afraid of. the 4 hours was intotal from door to door...not 4 hours one way.
LOL about the new clothes...new ones are in order when you get back in size 4
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Guest
My day got a little bigger again today I went to Chuckie Cheese with my children it's about 10 miles past where I went yesterday.
I feel so much better. I think I am going to start heading back towards that bridge. Now that I know that when those first signs of an attack come I can manage them and keep them under control instead of having them control me, I feel like I can do a bridge now
Thanks for all the support and encouragement
I went to Chuckie Cheese with my children it's about 10 miles past where I went yesterday.I feel so much better. I think I am going to start heading back towards that bridge. Now that I know that when those first signs of an attack come I can manage them and keep them under control instead of having them control me, I feel like I can do a bridge now
Thanks for all the support and encouragement
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Guest
Hi there,
I started this program 3 weeks ago and it has been amazing the changes that have happened. It had been months since I had been out of my house with my husband and more than a year since I had been out alone. So much stress and anxiety that I could not think strait. I have had panic and axiety since I was 22, I am 47 now but it was never this bad. We do have the power of our minds to change this. I have proof! We can re program our thoughts so that we feel safe in our own skin. And I really feel that God and his angels have given me strength and they will give it to you too. In a way I am grateful that I have had this problem, now that I am getting well I see how truely wonderful life can be and that we are blessed with many gifts. So everytime something happens that is out of my control I put the positive spin on it and move on. You can do it!
Nana
I started this program 3 weeks ago and it has been amazing the changes that have happened. It had been months since I had been out of my house with my husband and more than a year since I had been out alone. So much stress and anxiety that I could not think strait. I have had panic and axiety since I was 22, I am 47 now but it was never this bad. We do have the power of our minds to change this. I have proof! We can re program our thoughts so that we feel safe in our own skin. And I really feel that God and his angels have given me strength and they will give it to you too. In a way I am grateful that I have had this problem, now that I am getting well I see how truely wonderful life can be and that we are blessed with many gifts. So everytime something happens that is out of my control I put the positive spin on it and move on. You can do it!
Nana