my panic

leahdeann · Post by **leahdeann** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:27 pm

this all happened about 2 weeks ago i was having one of my episodes were i felt as if i was having a heart problem or stroke or something i just knew that there was something wrong and i kept fighting the urge to run to the hospital like i have done 1000's of times no exageration either but i startted thinking if i could just go get an ekg catscan and if it was ok then i would feel better ya know put my mind at ease so i told my husband and ofcourse he is sooooo fed up with all of this he said no that i did not need to go what have they ever done for me in the past anyways and inside i knew he was right but then i started getting angry thinking oh he doesnt care and if something bad really happens then what so there i was 38 years old crying like a baby i think because i was angry with myself why cant i get a grip on this and ofcourse my kids are home and see this and i really hate the look in there eyes when i go into one of these episodes i dont want there memories of me being like this any ways my husband hugged me and i was really scared at this point trembling but i told him i was sorry that i knew he was just trying to help me but i was so scared anyways i didnt go to the hospital i worked thru the fear and even though i was humiliated at how i acted i still felt a little good about fighting thru and not running to the hospital i know i still have a long way to go since i still am obsessing and monitoring my body and every little ache and pain but if i could do it once and i am still alive i didnt die i didnt have a stroke or heart attack mabey just mabey that is the breakthrough that i needed please keep me in your prayers and i will you go bless

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:36 pm

Sometimes seeing how much worse off some people are helps us to get our minds off of ourselves. I have a friend who is a nurse and she is getting ready to go to Haiti. There are people who probably could use your help where you live. don't feel ashamed and humiliated, you made it through without going to the hospital. It is good for kids to know that sometimes doing the best thing is not always the easiest. It is good for them to see one parent apologize to the other and then the forgiveness. That is how they learn, by example. You and your husband showed a great example.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:28 pm

Hi Leahdeann, I just wanted to encourage you that you are not alone in this battle. I have done the very same thing many times over this past year and my husband has also dealt with the frustration of it all and my kids have witnessed, "there goes mom to the hospital again". BUT I am getting better and you will too. Facing those fears truly is the way out from under them. They lose their power. I still have a way to go but I am working the program, praying, and believing to be free. Nothing is impossible with God. This is your time.