feeling a bit nervous

Mom of 6 · Post by **Mom of 6** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:48 am

Okay, I know that i've hit a speed bump after my father had his surgery(in prev. post in the spiritual section). I believe it is due to being overwhelmed and to say the least I am exhausted. Not only was I overloaded with responsibilities concerning my father, but two toddlers have come down with an awful strain of the flu. I have a cold, headaches and muscle aches too. So obviously, I'm under an enormous amount of stress dealing with it all. But, I continue to praise God through it

..

But the issue at hand is that I am feeling like I need a break from all of it. I am not the kind of person that takes regular time for myself, in fact it's quite the opposite. Like most of us anxious folks

I don't take enough time to do what I want/need to do. When the opportunity presents itself, for me to "get away", I always decline and in my mind I think" I have to stay home with the babies"..or " I can't leave them home alone with their Dad"...I was given the name "Super Mom" by my inlaws and I realize that this is NOT so healthy for me. I am a stay at home mom that doesn't know how to deligate some of the responsibility and I find myself doing EVERYTHING.. taking care of children, cooking, doing housework, running errands, etc. Inside I'm screaming for help, but on the outside, I smile and fake it. I've become very good and disguising myself. As a wife, I am the type of woman that NEVER does anything by herself for herself. My husband and I do everything together. I'm realizing now, that has been a downfall. It has actually hurt me and I'm thinking now that it's not fair to either one of us. AND this cannot be good for the children either. I'm feeling like I disconnect from them during the day, as I want a "mental" break. I notice that they are screaming for attention and I am not always there for them. I find things to do to "get away" mentally(such as this computer) and I feel guilty about that too. I noticed recently how much they are asking to see their Grandma now. I think they are telling me that they need a break from home and Mommy. The weather here is still cold, wet and windy, therefore we don't go outside too often. I'm feeling "cabin fever" as I'm sure the little ones feel that as well.
I have kept myself from being independant and courageous, not to mention self motivated. So with all of that being said, Tomorrow I will go to Canada for the night with a dear friend of mine(that just lost her husband four months ago)...and WE NEED this time by ourselves to reflect and just RELAX! A little girl time, if you know what I mean. I know I need to do this, however I am getting the jitters about it. I am feeling anxious, yet excited. Perhaps just uncomfortable because it's not something I normally do. I guess change isn't always comfortable. It's almost as if I am feeling guilty for thinking of ME. I know what some of you may say, and I KNOW I deserve this time away. I KNOW it's important to do things for myself, but why do I have such a hard time at it? I'm so frustrated!!!! I see alot of couples doing things apart. They are happy and fun! Why must I insist(Hubby too) that we always do things together? I think it's insecurity on both parts. Both of us have been cheated on. I've been in this program for two years, and I've learned ALOT, Thank you Jesus, but why do I continue to have these "feelings"? anyways, sorry this is so long, but I had to post. I'm driving myself nuts here. Thanks for your time and I'm eager to hear from you all..

Blessings~
Robin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 8:54 am

Oh and might I add that this will be the third time that I have EVER been away from home(over night) in 10 years..One time in 2005 I went to AZ for four days(by myself

) and one overnight trip in Nov. to console my friend who lost her husband

proud mama · Post by **proud mama** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:24 am

happy

Do you think a part of you doing everything might be a control issue meaning you don't think others could do it as well as you can? I know I can be like that. When you are away that means you can't be there to do everything and have to relinquish that to your husband who may or may not do things the same way you do?

As far as doing everything w/your hubby I can understand that, for me it would be so easy to let that happen since I have a fear of doing things alone (I know not healthy but some days I wish I had someone to do everything with like I used to when my mom was alive).

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 12:45 pm

Eastcoast, thank you for your reply. Your reply made me really think about reason behind it all and I'm amazed that I even realize the truth of it all. I can see how much I've learned in the last two years.
For starters, you asked "Do you think a part of you doing everything might be a control issue?" My answer is, No

First of all, I get a bit apprehensive in leaving the children for too long of a period because my husband gets easily frustrated. He's a real good Daddy, but he yells alot. He doesn't get physical with them, however he does yell. I think he tries to fight every battle(come on their only two yrs.) on the other hand, perhaps if I left him home alone with them more often he would find ways to deal with the issues that arise. Another reason I have a hard time leaving them home alone with him is that for years I was with a man(my ex, whom I had my first four children with) that didnt permit me going out PERIOD! My husbands EX wife also went out quite a bit With her friends, etc. eventually she ended up cheating him and doing other things that ultimately ended their 10 yr. marriage. I guess I just don't want him to ever feel that he would have to worry about me. I want him to feel safe and secure with me.
Now that I have small children again, I feel that I should be at home with them. Just as my mother did(she stayed home all the time as well. She had no form of recreation really) It's odd for me to get used to the fact that it's OKAY to have a LIFE while raising children..This is all new to me! This marriage is definately different from the previous one. I know I should "build a bridge"(as my husband puts it) and move on(which has been a source of anxiety for me) But gosh it's difficult. I find myself looking for others approval in all of this to be sure that it's okay.

And for your second response on "fear of doing things alone"...yes, yes and yes. I DO fear making right decisions, actions, I seek his approval for everything. I don't know why, other than no self confidence. He is a wonderful man and NEVER tells me I cannot do anything. He encourages me, but i just have a hard time with self motivation, etc. Why??? I guess I'm starting to figure out the true source of depression/anxiety. I think I'm finally touching on something here. Thank you for responding, it's made me really think about this. I'll let you know how things go. I'm excited yet apprehensive.

Blessings
Robin

achildofthefather · Post by **achildofthefather** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:21 pm

Mom of 6, it definitely sounds like you could use a little break. Good for you for letting go and taking some time off to relax!! The only way we grow is by experiencing things out of our comfort zones! I am so proud of you!!!

When you start missing your husband while you're out and about, just send him a naughty text message. Tell him what you want to do to him when you get home (wink*wink*) That way he'll know you're thinking about him when you aren't physically there with him and he won't worry about you flirting with other guys. It'll give you self confidence and he'll be totally revved up to see you when you get home. He might even encourage you to go out more so he can stay home with the kids! Just a thought.

PS--I think I read too much Cosmo or listen to Dr. Laura too much! Anyway, hope you have fun!!

Carolyn Dickman · Post by **Carolyn Dickman** » Sat Mar 28, 2009 7:07 pm

LOL.. Cosmic, you made my evening!!! You are absolutely right. I think it's important to give our significant others that reassurance of our love when we are "out and about". I love the idea and will take the advice

He IS the love of my life and I certainly would not want him to think that I want to be away from him persay, just a little time to myself. Thanks! Hope you have a great evening.

God bless you
Robin

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Mar 29, 2009 1:55 pm

I hope you are enjoying yourself Mom of 6! Wow, that is quite a job in itself.

I can kinda sorta relate to your feelings and thoughts. And, like myself, I think you are quite possibly co-dependent, just as I am. Constantly seeking approval from our S/O. From reading your posts, I think your husband may also be co-dependent on you!

I think it is awesome for the both of you to take time away from each other, and the kids, too... I realize your pasts of dealing with infidelity maybe an issue, but you can't go on wondering "WHAT IF"! It sounds as though you both have a great trust in one another, and have built an amazing relationship together... TRUST is the main component in a marriage. So, if you both truly trust one another, escaping from one another for a few hours or even overnight shouldn't pose any issues!

Enjoy yourself... you deserve it!!