New here! Hi everyone! :)

[MirandaLey]

Hi everyone,

I am new here. I just wanted to stop by and say hello and introduce myself. I hope that through these peer support forums I am able to connect with people on the same journey as me and recieve support and guidance, and have the opportunity to strengthen others that are on the same path as me.

My name is Miranda, I am 25 years old and I live in Manitoba, Canada. I have been married to my husband for almost three years, and he is just the most amazing person I have ever met. I believe in true love and I believe God matched me to my husband so perfectly. He has countless supplies of empathy, patience and support when helping me through anxiety and depression, and he seems to always know exactly what to say to help me. He works full-time and I stay home with our one year old daughter. She is the light of our lives and the most amazing blessing. I am so grateful just thinking about her. I am part of the attachment parenting philosophy -- I am breastfeeding and co-sleeping and loving it.

A bit about my struggle with anxiety... I can remember having anxiety a lot throughout my early life. In fact one of my earliest memories was my father taking me to the emergency room because I complained that I could not breathe -- I must have been about 5 at the time and I didn't know it but it was a panic attack. My father had a problem with alcohol when I was younger and would becoome very mean and agressive when he would drink. He didn't really become physical with us (other than pushing/shoving) but he verbally and mentally and emotionally abused my mother for a long time. I was the middle child and the oldest girl, and because we moved around a lot when I was young due to the industry my father was in, my mother had no friends to confide in so she told all the gruesome details of her marriage to me. It was an extreme burden to place on a child and as a result I have always felt the need to control everything for fear that something "bad" would happen to my loved ones or myself. My father is now a changed man. For many years now he has been a wonderful father, and my parents are still together. He doesn't drink and now they don't fight. It seems everyone has moved on but because I am so sensitive I still have deep wounds from my unstable childhood.

I was first diagnosed with anxiety when I was around 18 years old. I had taken a year off from college/university to stay home, and worked at a diner. All of a sudden I would have these scary, scary thoughts that I would hurt someone. Not being a violent person at all, I was naturally terrified of this. The more the thoughts scared me, the harder they were to get rid of. I was having, like I said, daily panic attacks, and after several months of this I became depressed -- very tearful much of the time, feeling hopeless and lost and like I'd never feel better. My parents got me an appointment with a doctor who told me I had anxiety, and hooked me up with a therapist that I saw once a month. She gave me literature and workbooks similar to this program but it didn't really help. Finally my parents were up one night and they saw the infomercial and ordered the program. From the first day I started my panic attacks stopped (and they've never really started up again). It felt so good to hear Lucinda and others talk about such similar thoughts that I had. Naturally, being 18 years old, I didn't really want to buckle down and do the whole program. So with my panic attacks gone I forgot about it and got on with my life.

Three years later, my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I were living together. He was running his own business but had run out of money. The business was not profitable so we had to shut it down and move 8 hours away to start fresh when he got a job at a mine up North. All of a sudden my panicky feelings came rushing back and really knocked me for a loop -- I thought I was over this!! This time they showed up with more depressive feelings -- again, hopelessness, fear that I would never feel better again, and a real heaviness. I didn't think about the program though, I just went to the doctor and was prescribed a low dose of anti-depressants.

Fast forward about three or so more years, and my anxiety and depression was gone again, I had even weaned off of the anti-depressants. Everything was going great up until this past June. I have no clue if it was the hormones in my body from having a baby (even though she was around 9 months already at the time) or something to do with breastfeeding less because of my daughter's introduction to solid foods, or working again by bringing children into my home to look after, but it all happened again. Since then I've been put on my anti-depressants again (this time it's 40 mg of citalopram, daily) and now finally I have decided that I want to do this program once and for all. I'm feeling really good right now and am excited to see how I will change with this program.

My therapist diagnosed me with adjustment disorder, but regardless of what it is (I think I have a bit of OCD too) I know this program will help me and I am very excited about the future and what it has in store for me. I know it will take hard work and dedication but I know I can do it!

[DolphinG]

Hi Mirandaley
Im DolphinG, just wanna say welcome to the program , you will see as you work the CD"s and work book things will start to fall in to place and you will start feeling better as you work through the steps .
dont get discouraged when at times you feel more anxiouse than other days ,its all part of the learning process .
Make sure you listen to the relaxation cd as much as you can, it is a great tool, and dont rush take your time and you will see results.
God bless Keep us posted.
Dolphin.

[MirandaLey]

Thanks Dolphin! I appreciate the support and encouragement.