obsessing about liking someone i dont like!
I am having a problem right now. I feel my obsessive thinking coming back. I realized today that my boss likes me and It really disgusts me. He is almost 70 and I am 24!!!! I thought he was just a nice man and trusted him and realized he is just a dirty old man. I feel really weirded out and gross about it and a obsessing about it. Im worried if i had done something to lead him on but i know i have not and i know i dont like this man but i keep obsessing over it and what ifing about it and i feel so disgusted. I am on my cycle so maybe that is contributing to my obsessive thinking? On another note, I am switching my birth control pills from Yaz to Ortho tri cyclin Lo. . . I have severe pms so when i am off the pill i am worse off but i felt that Yaz was not helping my pms as much as it should have.So i really hope this wrks. Anyway, this whole thing is really upsetting me and i don't even want to work at my job anymore. Has anyone what if'd about lking someone you know you dont like and who disgusts you but because of your ocd/anxiety you obsess and doubt yourself constantly ? This is what I am going through. Its the worst. Like I know I dont like this man. He is old and gross to me. This is like when people what if about hurting someone. . . you know you don't want to but your mind messes with you. Just curious if anyone has WHAT IF'd about liking someone you SOOOO don't like at all!
"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)"
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AlaskanAmber
- Posts: 21
- Joined: Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:11 pm
Hey ,
I don't know if I can help exactly with your problem, but I completely understand the OCD on what if'ing about other people. For example a few weeks ago I was watching a reality dating show. And I thought one of the single guys was cute. Now I've been married over 10yrs, love my husband dearly. However I found my mind wandering into thoughts like, " what if I was on the date? How would it have been different? I bet his mom would've liked me, where would we live? What would my life have been life if I had ended up with that person?"
And the thing is, I know I'll never meet that person, I know it's completely unrealistic, but then my panic starts to set it, why am I thinking that? What's wrong with me? Why am I obsessing over someone i'd never meet? Or if its some one I have met, and I would obsess, about what if'ing. My mind would even wander to what if I had sex with them? and Then I freak out, face gets hot, nausea, stomach upset, total panic, racing thoughts, etc.
Now I know I'd never do anything like that, and a yet, I tend to torture myself by not catching my thought train before it spirals into anxiety. Good times.
However it does pose as a major distraction for whatever may be going on in your life, are there other stresses, you may not realize , your under added pressure these days? Are family, finaces, illness etc happening around you? Or sometimes I find If i'm not challenging myself mentally, doing mundane daily tasks etc, thats when my mind wanders and I turn the over anylizing on myself.
Also I tend to ponder too much when i'm tired, not good. Also yes periods are notorious for anxiety as mood swings are quite normal.
Lastly, we have to learn to forgive ourselves, not beat ourselves up, and learn from our experiances and past mistakes etc.
Hope this helps alitte in letting you know your not alone, and this too shall pass.
In the mean time, wear turtle necks to work, talk minimally to the boss, and DON"T over anylize every little thing. =) Good luck!
I don't know if I can help exactly with your problem, but I completely understand the OCD on what if'ing about other people. For example a few weeks ago I was watching a reality dating show. And I thought one of the single guys was cute. Now I've been married over 10yrs, love my husband dearly. However I found my mind wandering into thoughts like, " what if I was on the date? How would it have been different? I bet his mom would've liked me, where would we live? What would my life have been life if I had ended up with that person?"
And the thing is, I know I'll never meet that person, I know it's completely unrealistic, but then my panic starts to set it, why am I thinking that? What's wrong with me? Why am I obsessing over someone i'd never meet? Or if its some one I have met, and I would obsess, about what if'ing. My mind would even wander to what if I had sex with them? and Then I freak out, face gets hot, nausea, stomach upset, total panic, racing thoughts, etc.
Now I know I'd never do anything like that, and a yet, I tend to torture myself by not catching my thought train before it spirals into anxiety. Good times.
However it does pose as a major distraction for whatever may be going on in your life, are there other stresses, you may not realize , your under added pressure these days? Are family, finaces, illness etc happening around you? Or sometimes I find If i'm not challenging myself mentally, doing mundane daily tasks etc, thats when my mind wanders and I turn the over anylizing on myself.
Also I tend to ponder too much when i'm tired, not good. Also yes periods are notorious for anxiety as mood swings are quite normal.
Lastly, we have to learn to forgive ourselves, not beat ourselves up, and learn from our experiances and past mistakes etc.
Hope this helps alitte in letting you know your not alone, and this too shall pass.
In the mean time, wear turtle necks to work, talk minimally to the boss, and DON"T over anylize every little thing. =) Good luck!
Holly...You are placing a "guilt trip" on yourself!!! You do Not like this guy in that way, and it totally sickens you for him to act this way towards you!!!
I totally understand!!! You would not be "what ifing" if you liked this guy!!!! You are "obsessing" over something which you have no control over. I am sure you did Not do anything to make this dude feel this way. Sounds like to me he has a very "sick mind" and that is disgusting!!!
There is an enormous difference in being nice to someone and liking them in that way!!!
I am nice to everyone, but, I do Not like them in that way.
This is Not your fault, and you need to stop blaming yourself!!! This sounds like "sexual harassment" to me!!!!
Get off that "guilt and worry treadmill"...and let the blame fall where it may, and it does Not fall on you, in any way!!!
I pray this helps you...God Bless
I totally understand!!! You would not be "what ifing" if you liked this guy!!!! You are "obsessing" over something which you have no control over. I am sure you did Not do anything to make this dude feel this way. Sounds like to me he has a very "sick mind" and that is disgusting!!!
There is an enormous difference in being nice to someone and liking them in that way!!!
I am nice to everyone, but, I do Not like them in that way.
This is Not your fault, and you need to stop blaming yourself!!! This sounds like "sexual harassment" to me!!!!
Get off that "guilt and worry treadmill"...and let the blame fall where it may, and it does Not fall on you, in any way!!!
I pray this helps you...God Bless
Oh yes I have felt this way. I am happily married. We have been together for 6 years. Before I dated him I was in a very bad abusive relationship for a short time. And every once in a while I will obsess over him. I know that I do not care for him or would ever want him so I dont understand why I do it. I think when our mind wanders and picks something to hold on to we tend to just go wild with it. I am so sorry you are going through that at work. I hope it gets better.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything." Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
You have to change your thought process from disgust to endearment. Think of him as a grandpa and treat him as one. If he does anything inappropriate you definitely have a case against him. But I think it's important for your own sanity, to turn that disgust you are feeling toward him around. I know exactly what you are talking about though, and it's going to take some effort to get some replacement thoughts going, especially since you have to put your guard up against him.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
Thank you everyone for replying to this. I really needed to vent and hear other people. ALASKANAMBER, Thank you very much for sharing your story to me. when you said
I was like Yep sounds like me exactly!! That's how I feel when i start obsessing. And MS T BONES Thank you so much for reminding me that i didn't do anything and there is no reason why I should feel guilty. I am always nice to people and I guess to trusting and when something like this happens to me I feel sickened. I have a wonderful boyfriend and he knows this and I wish he could be respectful. He has told me stories of how he had affairs on his ex-wife years ago. I'm thinking gross I don't want to hear this and why would you tell me this? I think cheating is terrible!! Ughhh! Thank you for the prayer MS T BONES because I def need some right now. I know I have to change my thought process but while i am on my period I feel like this is impossible. I cant wait to get past this and not let it big me as much as it has been. I am praying to God that he will strengthen me and help me to not doubt myself so much. All of your replies were wonderful. Thank you all so much!!! God Bless you all!!Then I freak out, face gets hot, nausea, stomach upset, total panic, racing thoughts, etc.
Now I know I'd never do anything like that, and a yet, I tend to torture myself by not catching my thought train before it spirals into anxiety. Good times.
"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)"
Just curious, do you still keep a replacement thought journal? Because maybe you can jot down a few negs to positives about the whole situation.
Also - any way you can switch jobs. If this guy is really after you that's a hostile work environment, especially since he's your boss! Is he the boss-boss, or just your boss and someone else is above him? Is there an HR department that you can go to about this? Or would you be willing to confront him and/or let him know how much you love and adore your boyfriend and also that you are a very strong Christian.
One day I was approached by a sleazy guy while waiting for the Metro on my way to work. This was very early on in my marriage, probably 17 years ago or so. Anyway I was being friendly but he was being very forward, I was very open to him that I'm a Christian and married. He asked for my phone number and I said "there are only two men in my life - Jesus and my husband." Well he walked away very ticked off and said "Well God bless you!" I knew he wasn't a Christian. I used to keep my bible on my lap all the time on that train because I was afraid of being approached by a strange man or a gangster (this was around the time of the LA riots and the train went through the worst part of LA). I'm so glad we don't live there anymore.
Also - any way you can switch jobs. If this guy is really after you that's a hostile work environment, especially since he's your boss! Is he the boss-boss, or just your boss and someone else is above him? Is there an HR department that you can go to about this? Or would you be willing to confront him and/or let him know how much you love and adore your boyfriend and also that you are a very strong Christian.
One day I was approached by a sleazy guy while waiting for the Metro on my way to work. This was very early on in my marriage, probably 17 years ago or so. Anyway I was being friendly but he was being very forward, I was very open to him that I'm a Christian and married. He asked for my phone number and I said "there are only two men in my life - Jesus and my husband." Well he walked away very ticked off and said "Well God bless you!" I knew he wasn't a Christian. I used to keep my bible on my lap all the time on that train because I was afraid of being approached by a strange man or a gangster (this was around the time of the LA riots and the train went through the worst part of LA). I'm so glad we don't live there anymore.
Shif.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it.
Oh wow Shifrah that is scary. Im glad you made it through that time. The thing is my boss knows I am a strong Christian and I think that may be what is making him like me more. UGH! See we are all independent workers. He is a broker and I work for him doing cold calling. The other people in the office are all indep. workers too. The man who owns the office is like best friends with my boss and he too is kinda a pervert too. I told my boss today that I will be working more at my other job and less at that job. I said that I needed to have less stress so less hours there would really help with that. I am still being nice but if he starts to gossip or is inappropriate with me I am speaking up!! I need prayers right now to be strong. I work there tomorrow and I am so anxious and depressed about it. My ocd is just on high right now. It's the worst!
"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)"