So Frustrated

kayteatrudeau · Post by **kayteatrudeau** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:19 pm

My husband lost his job at the start of the year as a program manager at Microsoft. Since that time he's been staying at home. It's questionable, from lack of interest in his resume, that he's not looking as hard as he should because he has unemployment which is about 1/4 his prior take home salary .

I, on the other hand, now have two jobs to make ends meet. My need for this comes from my sheer terror of not being able to make our bills. I'm in panic mode. The more I work the less we suffer. My brain even entertained getting a night job on top of my two jobs.

We have talked about it a zillion times but each time he gets overly sensitive and downplays unemployment. Leaving me incredibly frustrated that I'm doing all the work. I'm exhausted. And when I get to this point anxiety always creeps in as well as not being able to let things go. I literally stay up and worry. I worry all day.

I know this worrying, and fixating, is due to my issues with how I have troubles handling situation where I feel overburdened. And not being able to say I need help. And when saying it nothing changes.

But the two of us having been arguing more then often lately (were going on 7 months of him being jobless now) and I need to get in control of my mood swings. I seem to be over-reacting to everyone now...and shutting down...because anything on top of what I'm already handling is too much.

Set aside the jobless situation if he was to get a job tomorrow my anxiety would go away and we would not argue. That I'm dead certain of. We do love each other dearly. I have told him that the only reason I have no cracked is I know when he has a job we will be ok again. But my patience is dropping.

Any advice. I know my over reacting is my issue. I know he's looking and the economy is really tough right now. BUT how can I change my attitude or my behavior to not get so absorbed with frustration and anger? After all, only I can be responsible for how I react.

Thanks for reading and I hope you can give me some insight.

KDlady · Post by **KDlady** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:30 am

Wow sorry you are going thru such a crisis. My hubby lost his job and then couldn't get unemployment since the conditions of his termintaion was in doubt?. I think he should have fought it . Anyway and Iam at home agoraphobic. SO it was a mess. He went for almost a year before he could get anything. His Mom paid our rent several times and he got small jobs here and there and then he decided to go to school and change careers and become a teacher. He got enough loan money to cover rent each month (not always a good idea) and then not long after that he got a job as a Valet at our local hospital. Its not alot but it pays the bills and we have cut out or way back on extras. We get take out only on payday and its usually the cheap dollar menu. I cleaned church for a long time and we plugged away. It was a hard time for us I wasn't sure we were going to make it for a while but I prayed alot and have close friends that were praying for a miracle of employment. The miracle came that he went back to school. Anyway I am rambling. I feel you pain and I will be praying something comes along for your hubby really quickly. I am impressed by your strength and determination.
take care

Jill~

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Aug 27, 2009 2:48 pm

I emphatize with your situation. I went through two year of on and off working 7-9 month gaps each.

I understand the anxiety around unemployment. You can get really tet depressed and its scary. He needs to get up, get dressed and get out of the house everyday. He has to find networking groups and talk to people, reach out to old colleagues, friends, college buddies. Do some FREE work for a company.

As for your feeling angry, anxious and worried, I think its pretty normal. As for you feeling angry, my husband was resentful when I wasn't working and when he doesn't work it pisses me off too.

When I got desperate about my not working. I went to see my priest. I had been praying many times a day but I felt he was hearing me but not listening. My priest told me to ask God to trust in him and within a couple of weeks, a job came along.

If you are spiritual you may want to do this.

I took an active listening class and sometimes people just want us to listen. Do you think you can ask him to tell you all that's on his mind, listen attentively and do not respond. Do you think that might be a start for him to allow you to help him get through this tough time?

I know, it's really a blow to your ego.