How do I forgive myself for hurting parents.

[King Peace]

Have you ever been tormented by your past mistakes? The thought can just come out of nowhere and you get really axioms about it and think it yourself how could I have been so stupid? Well this happens to me sometimes.
Over twenty years ago I went to a bible study with my father and mother. I was asked to give a testimony. I talked about how I did drugs! RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS! I even exaggerated about it! I could see my father felt uncomfortable. The bible leader eventually asked "don't you feel uncomfortable talking about this in front of your parents?" I did talk about how God changed my life. BUT WHY DID I HAVE TO BRING UP THE DRUGS IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS? I WAS SUCH A FOOL!! I WAS SO STUPID!! I feel so bad I did that! Now both my parent have passed away. And I say to them "I am sorry for being so stupid!"
How can I forgive myself for stupid mistakes such as these that come back and torment me?!

[tina martin]

The subject of parents and children invariably intrigues me. I have always been on the side of children. My position is that children don't ask to be born into the kind of situations they sometimes find themselves. This is an unpopular, even controversial position. My view is that parents are not automatically the be-all and end-all of what is good and what they are deemed to be. They fail; we fail.

Like you I have flashbacks. My effort is to forgive them, to forgive myself and to move on with acceptance. I also believe in our subconscious. It is very powerful. I'd say what you blurted out came from your subconscious. There were reasons, I would imagine. But it is in the past now. Try and forgive yourself.

[kathywhite]

Hi,

I have two adult children and anything that they might have done to embarass me or disappoint me I automatically forgive them. I love them unconditionally and because I'm a Christian, and it sounds like you were brought up in a Christian home,
I am forgiven by my Heavenly Father therefore I forgive myself for all of my mistakes. I'm sure that your parents recognized that you were finding your way as a young person and they would not have held it against you. I don't think that you should hold it against yourself.

[King Peace]

Thank you all for your thoughtful feedback. I get haunted by the stupid selfish things I have done in my youth. You're right, I have to forgive myself. That's so hard to do sometimes.

[KAMO]

We have to forgive ourselves, but it's easier for me to forgive others than myself. I grew up in a great family, except that my father is an alcoholic. He's now 83 and still drinks sometimes. I never knew he had a drinking problem until I was in college, came home one weekend, and he was drunk. After that, he stopped hiding it. He is great when he is sober, but very verbally abusive when he's been drinking. He's also very controlling and a narcisist. I'm still to this day, at 57, trying to forgive myself for all the arguments I've gotten into with him when he was drunk. I should have just walked away, but no, I stayed to confront him and still do sometimes, even now, which makes it worse and leaves me feeling anxious and depressed. I got into an argument just this past week because I wouldn't do something he wanted me to do. I tried not to argue and even hung up the phone on him twice, but he just called right back. Then I start feeling guilty and end up apologizing for something that wasn't even my fault, worse yet, I always forgive him, even when he doesn't deserve it. My grandmother used to say that people say when they are drunk, what they don't have the courage to say when they are sober, so it makes me feel some of the things he's said are how he really feels, which are pretty bad. Now I'm trying to forgive myself for some of the things I said to him, but it takes time and it isn't easy. Asking God to help you really helps!

[SoWhatif]

Remember that parents are just like us they had their moments too. We are not perfect and never will be. If you can make amends without causeing more pain the do so. If not then forgive yourself and do not go there again.
Leave the past in the past and form today as best you can and make plans for tomorow. Religion is just a bridge, we must and are the ones who cross it. Allways remember that when the grass seems greener on the other side, that is also needs mowed if you get there. Meaning deal with the moment and the next moment will take care of itself.

R

[Paisleegreen]

Great comments! R I like your reference tot he Grass and having to mow it.