My grandpa is in the hospital again and not doing well. I know in my heart that this is not the way he wants to live unless he can live somewhat of a normal life after he were to get out (if he does) then I don't know how long he'll keep holding on. I am trying to allow God to let me keep that peace in my heart, but it's hard. I am not a good death person or a good person who knows how to cope well with loss at all. I am close to my grandparents and this has been quite devestating to say the least. There is a little more to the story...in the last month my granddad was put in the hospital (then let out) now back in again, my husband has been working out of town 5 days a week, we see him 1.5 days out of the week, we do have a 3 and 4 year old, our 4 year old has some issues we are trying to learn how to deal with (he is quite hyper, will hit, kick, bite out of frustration or anger), his preschool teacher already doesn't want him in class after only one 3 hour day , I decided to go back to work full time with my husband being gone because I don't like to be home so much by myself so both boys also started daycare full time.
I don't know when to cry or not to cry because I don't want to cry in front of my boys, but since I'm with them all the time with my husband gone I don't have much time not around them....I'm trying to stay strong and just hang in there.....I have NOT had a panic attack yet (AMEN to that), but I can feel those old feelings coming up....all the "what ifs" and I am so afraid of it coming I want to continue going forward and away from all the anxiety (it's been a year now since my last one).
I would like advice or some words of comfort....I just want that reassurance that I am not making things more stressful than maybe they are? I feel like I'm doing okay but then I just question myself.....
please help
Help to cope with a loved one dying....
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Momof2cuteboys
- Posts: 35
- Joined: Tue Oct 26, 2010 12:08 pm
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Paisleegreen
- Posts: 1778
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:27 pm
Re: Help to cope with a loved one dying....
Hi Mom of cute boys-I'm sorry to hear about your Grandpa. I realize that it will be hard to not have him around, but people that are ready to pass on need to hear that it is okay for them to go. There are five things to say to a person that is ready to die. Right now I don't have it in my head, except to tell them that you love them. Maybe work out any disagreements from the past or forgive them.
Now on another note, with all this new activity going on, I was wondering if going back to work is a good thing for you. Sometimes working fulltime and having someone else watch your children might be very stressful with your husband gone pretty much the whole week. So your sons are not seeing their Dad hardly at all and now they don't see their Mother until she comes home tired and worried about their Grandpa. This might be why you son is acting out, each child is different and I raised 5 of them, 4 of them are boys. One did have a problem...later tested as a Language Processing something. He had to be watched by my Dad when I was expecting my other child and had to end up on bedrest the last few weeks b/c he tried to come early.
My Dad wasn't understanding of this son's latent skills in communication and other things. Sometimes a Mother just knows and loves their children more than others. I just am making this suggestion to see if maybe your boys are missing both parents.
If it truly a hardship, then you gotta do what will help your family. I hope all goes well. Paislee
Now on another note, with all this new activity going on, I was wondering if going back to work is a good thing for you. Sometimes working fulltime and having someone else watch your children might be very stressful with your husband gone pretty much the whole week. So your sons are not seeing their Dad hardly at all and now they don't see their Mother until she comes home tired and worried about their Grandpa. This might be why you son is acting out, each child is different and I raised 5 of them, 4 of them are boys. One did have a problem...later tested as a Language Processing something. He had to be watched by my Dad when I was expecting my other child and had to end up on bedrest the last few weeks b/c he tried to come early.
My Dad wasn't understanding of this son's latent skills in communication and other things. Sometimes a Mother just knows and loves their children more than others. I just am making this suggestion to see if maybe your boys are missing both parents.
If it truly a hardship, then you gotta do what will help your family. I hope all goes well. Paislee
Re: Help to cope with a loved one dying....
I think it is OK to cry. It is appropriate given the situation you are facing. I do not have children ..I think it is alright for them to see that things hurt sometimes and crying is OK. It actually relieves stress. So in a way a good cry is healthy.
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manofmusic
- Posts: 711
- Joined: Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:07 am
- Location: Canada
Re: Help to cope with a loved one dying....
Hi Mom ! I think that crying is one of the best ways to cope. My dad passed away at the end of March and mom is now in the hospital again. I cry quite often. I do it alone and far away from people. I think that if I didn't cry, I'd have way more panic attacks.
You never know what life is going to throw at you. I do my very best to live one day at a time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The "what ifs" are a terrible thing to hang on to. I still have to master that one. I do the "what ifs" all the time. I won't even get into what "what ifs" I think about.
Maybe you could go into the bathroom, shut the door, run the water loudly and let it out.
Take it all one day at a time.
You never know what life is going to throw at you. I do my very best to live one day at a time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. The "what ifs" are a terrible thing to hang on to. I still have to master that one. I do the "what ifs" all the time. I won't even get into what "what ifs" I think about.
Maybe you could go into the bathroom, shut the door, run the water loudly and let it out.
Take it all one day at a time.