session 2

[frankg]

hello, everyone
first off, i'd like to say...i hope that this program is what it claims to be (my pessimism is trying to tell me it won't work). listening to lucinda in these cds i get a sense that she's for real. what is said and what's in the readings really makes sense to me and put in practice i feel can work. another part of this program is that it doesn't say it's a 'magic' fix...it takes some work. my 'self' i'm trying to eliminate is telling me 'it's too much', 'i will quit after a couple weeks', 'i'm fooling myself'. i, as with many of us, will have to plow through the negativity. but enough of that.
listening to the session 2 brought up some memories. like lucinda said in the beginning, i really don't think i experienced a full blown anxiety attack but i have had some events that may be border line. when i first realized that my parents were going to die some day i really was affected by it, ruminating thoughts, losing sleep. (i'm sure this happens to a lot of people). having to go in the basement of my grade school during a tornado warning...i completely flipped out. i remember other kids looking at me and the teachers trying to calm me down (this may have been a full blown a.a.). or the time my brother, who is ten years older than me went into to marines, i was sure he'd never come home. the times helping my dad when he'd tell me he needed a 1/2 lead elbow for a plumbing project he was working on. i'd go to the 'bucket' that had all these misc. pieces of pipe and i'd freeze. i'd never be able to find what i was looking for...i'd panic. after a couple minutes my dad would come and say 'open your damn eyes...it's right here', then he'd reach down and there it was. this happened all the time.
i look back now and laugh but i realized it really affected me. now, i still have rumination negative thoughts and i tend to freeze up when i'm in stressful situations.