relationship ended
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radicaledward
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Thu Jan 28, 2010 5:03 pm
My fiance broke up with me very recently due to my anxiety and depression. He convinced me to quit my job and go back to school last year, and live with him. I was doing great in school, and signed up for this semesters classes. Now I have to move out. I have no job, no degree, no car (I was in an accident last month and totaled my car), no place to live, and worst of all, no fiance. He was so supportive the whole year we lived together. He helped me get off Paxil and encouraged me to do things I didn't think I could do. Because of anxiety though, I've lost him. How do I get over the pain, the guilt, the sadness, and the resurgence of anxiety that I'm feeling now? I really don't feel like I can make it through this. He was everything to me. If I go back on Paxil he won't want me back, because he thinks it's a sign of weakness. I don't want to go back on it because it makes me feel detached and unemotional. What do I do? I just want him to love me again, that's when I feel safe and like I'm going to be ok. Without him I just don't want to go on. I'm afraid I'll lose my mind and have to be put away. I can't deal with anxiety without him. Help????
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Guest
My dear friend,
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. As a man I cannot comprehend kicking someone to the curb over an issue like anxiety.
What I can tell you though is it sounds that this person can at times have an unhealthy view of your anxiety and how it effects you. Taking Paxil is not a sign of weakness, it is a medication that has a whole purpose of helping us get through difficult times.
This is a time to try and surround yourself with support from wherever you can find it.
Also, please be aware...anxiety as you well know (I am a sufferer of it too) causes us not to think clearly. Anxiety did not cause you to lose anybody. And by that I mean this. If your fiancee was more emotionally stable you being anxious would not be a problem. Something is bothering him...something that perhaps he does not want to share...but regardless, someone that is truly committed to you will not care about anxiety or panic. Love conquers things like this. It is better to find out now how someone feels than find out 2 years after marriage when you already have a child together.
Do not fail to praise yourself on all of your wonder accomplishments. How well your doing in school...Remember all of those things that YOU did that YOU didn't think you could do? He didn't do them...YOU did. The power is within you...every achievement that you have made in the end has been YOU.
You are NOT alone...even though you may not know me and I may not know you...know there is at least 1 person out there that understands and cares about your well being.
Know that all of your emotions and feelings are normal...exaggerated perhaps but very normal.
Surround yourself with whatever family/support you can find. Take things one day at a time. Don't have a car? Work on getting one somehow. Need a place to live? Work on getting one or staying at a friends or family members until you can get on your feet. Just live life one day at a time.
Remember...how does someone eat an elephant?
One bite at a time...
You have a big elephant at your dinner table....get eating! You can do it!
*hugs*
I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. As a man I cannot comprehend kicking someone to the curb over an issue like anxiety.
What I can tell you though is it sounds that this person can at times have an unhealthy view of your anxiety and how it effects you. Taking Paxil is not a sign of weakness, it is a medication that has a whole purpose of helping us get through difficult times.
This is a time to try and surround yourself with support from wherever you can find it.
Also, please be aware...anxiety as you well know (I am a sufferer of it too) causes us not to think clearly. Anxiety did not cause you to lose anybody. And by that I mean this. If your fiancee was more emotionally stable you being anxious would not be a problem. Something is bothering him...something that perhaps he does not want to share...but regardless, someone that is truly committed to you will not care about anxiety or panic. Love conquers things like this. It is better to find out now how someone feels than find out 2 years after marriage when you already have a child together.
Do not fail to praise yourself on all of your wonder accomplishments. How well your doing in school...Remember all of those things that YOU did that YOU didn't think you could do? He didn't do them...YOU did. The power is within you...every achievement that you have made in the end has been YOU.
You are NOT alone...even though you may not know me and I may not know you...know there is at least 1 person out there that understands and cares about your well being.
Know that all of your emotions and feelings are normal...exaggerated perhaps but very normal.
Surround yourself with whatever family/support you can find. Take things one day at a time. Don't have a car? Work on getting one somehow. Need a place to live? Work on getting one or staying at a friends or family members until you can get on your feet. Just live life one day at a time.
Remember...how does someone eat an elephant?
One bite at a time...
You have a big elephant at your dinner table....get eating! You can do it!
*hugs*
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Guest
Thank you so much jorsen. I do indeed have a huge elephant. I had a long talk with the ex last nite and he said he wanted to get back together when I got well, but that in the meantime he wanted to date and sleep with other women while he could. This hurt me worse than him leaving me for some reason. I realize that my judgment is clouded by anxiety right now, but I can't comprehend sleeping with other people if you're in love with someone. I told him I would wait for him, and asked him to do the same if he really loved me. But he said that as a man, "I have needs, and I can't put my life and desires on hold for you to get better, IF you ever do". So I feel more worthless than ever.
I did go see my Dr. today and asked to be put back on paxil as well as klonopin. My Dad has offered to let me move in with him until I get back on my feet. This is a 2000 mile road trip. I'm terrified, but I'm so glad my Dad is willing to do this. I'm hoping that this move will be a rebirth. I think that maybe I deserve to be loved more completely than my ex did. Maybe this breakup was a good thing.
Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It's so reassuring to know that other people also suffer from anxiety, and that I'm not alone.
*hugs times a thousand*
I did go see my Dr. today and asked to be put back on paxil as well as klonopin. My Dad has offered to let me move in with him until I get back on my feet. This is a 2000 mile road trip. I'm terrified, but I'm so glad my Dad is willing to do this. I'm hoping that this move will be a rebirth. I think that maybe I deserve to be loved more completely than my ex did. Maybe this breakup was a good thing.
Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It's so reassuring to know that other people also suffer from anxiety, and that I'm not alone.
*hugs times a thousand*
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Guest
Wow Jorsen that was some very good advice you gave.
I agree with everything you've said. Sometimes people have a hard time handling anxiety from others or themselves. It does not make them a bad person but it just means that it does not work for them. It is their own insecurities at work and he sounds like he was able to look past that and had faith in you getting better but there was some expectation on his part about the speed in which you should be going. He even said IF you ever get better. That is not someone who has faith in your progress. I doubt he works with these people on a regular basis and knows the how the process of recovery really is and its really sad that this ended up this way.
Also if you were to hit a rut or go back into depression temporarily for some reason such as a family member dying, would you really want someone like him as your support when that happens? Its not fair to you, its not respecting you and well you can do alot better then that.
Keep in mind, you did not cause this for yourself. This condition is not something you can just turn off all at once and its a condition and not your core self. Your worth is something permenant. Your condition, behavior, emotions, actions, thoughts and ideas are not permenant and do not affect your worth.
Mike
I agree with everything you've said. Sometimes people have a hard time handling anxiety from others or themselves. It does not make them a bad person but it just means that it does not work for them. It is their own insecurities at work and he sounds like he was able to look past that and had faith in you getting better but there was some expectation on his part about the speed in which you should be going. He even said IF you ever get better. That is not someone who has faith in your progress. I doubt he works with these people on a regular basis and knows the how the process of recovery really is and its really sad that this ended up this way.
Also if you were to hit a rut or go back into depression temporarily for some reason such as a family member dying, would you really want someone like him as your support when that happens? Its not fair to you, its not respecting you and well you can do alot better then that.
Keep in mind, you did not cause this for yourself. This condition is not something you can just turn off all at once and its a condition and not your core self. Your worth is something permenant. Your condition, behavior, emotions, actions, thoughts and ideas are not permenant and do not affect your worth.
Mike
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Guest
WOW- thank goodness your ex exposed his true colors. Sleep with others while he waits for you to get better???? What a motivating thing to say.
YUCK. I think this is a blessing in disguise for you. Praise the Lord for your Dad's kindness. Good luck to you and keep on trucking'. You deserve way better than that.
YUCK. I think this is a blessing in disguise for you. Praise the Lord for your Dad's kindness. Good luck to you and keep on trucking'. You deserve way better than that.