Here goes to a long post – but looking for some input and support.
I have been seeing a therapist and most recently referred me to also see a psychiatrist who has said that I indeed have GAD and panic attacks (probably for a lot longer than I think). Which I knew, but still do not want to believe. I was chasing from Dr. to Dr. looking for “something wrong”. I have the program and have been through it about half way, have not seen much of a difference, check in on this site when things get really bad and need some reassurance.
I have been prescribed Lexapro to start and am very hesitant to start it as I have tried Paxil (which was awful), Wellbutrin and Effexor (which neither made a difference, in fact, made anxiety worse). I have also been taking Xanax as needed for several years and recently noticed that I need it everyday to make life manageable. I hate giving in to taking them with the fear of the addiction that they can cause and some of the memory problems from it, but they work, and then on top of it the psychiatrist increased the strength to help with the more recent, often (daily) and more increasing intensity panic attacks (one which landed me in the ER - which now I always worry about my heart - which they said was fine).
I hate the constant head chatter (my thoughts race as if I am having conversations with myself) ALL DAY! I have trouble concentrating at work and seem to jump from thing to thing without completing anything. I never used to do this. From the minute I open my eyes to the minute I think I just pass out from exhaustion at night.
I have recently had very bad Depersonalization /Derealization and can’t break this awful debilitating symptom. I think my head chatter keeps me so absorbed in me – that I don’t feel connected to the “real world”. I have a hard time when talking with people, as my head is talking to myself and my mouth says another thing – very weird feeling. Then I pick up on that and it snowballs from there. I feel as I don’t recognize myself, my town, my kids, etc.
I have drastically reduced the stress in my life (my husband is helping, the kids are helping, not committing to so many volunteer opportunities, let things go around the house – not so compulsive on things being perfect), etc. But then why do I feel as though the anxiety is getting WORSE – panic attacks are WORSE. It seems that the more I try to fix myself – the worse it gets.
Sorry for the lengthy post – but maybe putting it out there will help too. Any feedback on this is some normal stuff with anxiety and not feeling as though I really need to commit myself some days. Thanks for your support and allowing me to vent.
Looking for some reassurance...
I HAVEN'T POSTED FOR A LONG TIME. I SEE SOME OF THE NAMES I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS LAST ONLINE. I HAVE ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION. MY PSYCHIATRIST THOUGHT I WAS BIPOLAR BUT I COULDN'T TAKE ANY OF THE MEDS FOR BIPOLER. I RECENTLY STARTED ON BUSPAR AND I AM BEGINNING TO FEEL BETTER. I TAKE 200MG OF ZOLOFT AT NIGHT AND KLONOPIN 1MG 3 TIMES PER DAY. I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO LISTEN TO ANY OF THE CDS LATELY AND FEEL MYSELF SLIDING BACKWARDS. ANYONE CAN WRITE AND TRY TO HELP ME.
BOD BLESS, JCAT
BOD BLESS, JCAT