I wonder why I get so angry.

[brandonmississippi]

I get very angry over stupid things lately. What brought this to my mind was reading an email from my boss lady. She told me to do something tommorrow, and said that she hoped I had been doing what I was told. It p*ssed me off severely. I don't know why. It just did. I seem to get more angry towards women, too, it seems. When they tell me what to do anyways. I don't understand it. It's making me ill, this negative attitude. Any suggestions.

[Guest]

I got this exercise a couple adays ago in my DBT class at the clinic I belong to and I thought you'd like to hear the results of it.
The Forgiveness Inventory Exercise.
1.Make a list of those persons you wish to forgive who you find it very hard not to:
Ok here goes....
My Ex wife, Joy
Threasa
The Doctors In Charge of my Sister Anna
Step-Father Pat
2.Spend sometime on your list.
OK here goes....
Joy my Ex didn't realize she was distancing herself from me and that our relationship was dying 'cause she wanted...No needed to be a Robin Hood character out and about saving those who were worse off than us so she could feel better about herself. I was there but I was to depressed to doing anything to stop her from ruining our relationship by buring my head in the sand and telling myself that everything was all right. Which of course it wasn't. So once the doctors diagonsed me with Manic Depression and then told me that unless I change things in my life this condition would be the end of me. So I divorce her and this started my destroying the Co-Dependency relationship I started with my family of origin and continued with her. So with this exercise I realize now that she did my a great service in breaking this habit and getting my life back for the first time in my life.
Threasa
I really didn't like the way she behaved at Hospies when she raised a big stink at the staff there that they should give something leahal to my dying brother her husband so she could collect on the Insurance Money that would be coming her way once he was dead. And yet it has taken me a long time to stop hating her for this because I feel she helped to pound in the nails to his premature coffin when she ran up all their bills the ones he couldn't pay. But in order to free me from this terrible rage that burns deep in my soul I have to let this matter go and know that she will be judged for her actions not by me but by God.
The Doctors In Charge of my Sister Anna
who in my opinion are dragging their feet testing people who could possibly give her a kidney that will save her from my brother's fate. You see everyone in my clan except me have recieved a Kidney Disease that was on my father's side of his genes. So Anna, my little sister is waiting patently to get somebodies kidney. But no matter how loud I scream for them to test me they just keep on testing everybody else. She tells me that they want to make sure they don't make a mistake by testing too quickly. But I'm afraid that by the time they get to me she'll be too weak to survive the operation. She just told my mom that because of her high blood pressure she's either in for a stroke or she's going to go blind soon. And so I have to watch as my sibblings die and I can't do a thing to stop it. But I can stop blaming her doctors because I don't know all the facts I'm not one of them. So I'm letting the anger go.
Step-Father Pat
Who I bitterly hate. I watched how before his death from Lung Cancer he almost bankrupted him and my mom with his Gambling Addiction. Because like me he had a Drunken Master of a father figure who convinced him that he would never amount to anything unless he was RICH! So he spent a huge amount of his retirement on his gambling. But died before he could sell their home and leave her and me homeless.
But you know what I learned a great deal from this man that you can be a somebody who is dirt poor as long as you can learn to be a somebody to yourself. And this is the message I am passing on to all of you in the program. This is what the program taught me. Without it I'd still be knocking myself out to be a Richman to prove to my dead dads and everyone else that I am a somebody. Yes, I am as long as I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of the person I'm looking at.
What more can you possibly ask for besides that?
Enough said.
Thanx.

[Guest]

I haven't work this program on this site. Just wrote on the forum. I'm currently attending AA meetings. I've learned a lot from there, but even then, when the anger sets in, it's like I can't control it. It can be over the silliest thing, and it will upset me. That's a good idea about forgiving ppl. I have a hard time with it. I've tried, even wished them well. I even wrote their names on paper and balled it up, and tossed into the garbage can. But they always come back. I've had some sorry ppl in my life, imo. I'm probably not a saint myself, but I find it harder to forgive other ppl than myself. I guess it's my selfish ways. I don't like getting hurt, and I still remember all the pain I endured from these ppl throughout my life. I'm really just holding onto it, and just harming myself.

[Guest]

supposedly anger is an emotional disguise for what you are really feeling. I dont know if that makes any sense but I have learned through having anxiety that i had completely shut my emotions down a long time ago when I was a kid. but i never had any problems being angry. If you dont know what emotions you are having i think it just comes out in anger. at the same time, some people can just tick you off! By the way i heard this anger and your emotions from my counselor and of course Dr. Phil.

[Guest]

Take this with a grain of salt. I too was very angry much of the time because I was not living the life I wanted to live. So to keep this emotion under control I tried to numb this feeling as much as I could and I found out that once you do this with one feeling you also wind up numbing other feelings like happiness, respect for yourself and others, and just plain love. So you see it's like playing with Domino's and once you affect one in a negative way they all come crashing down on each other. And I think this just adds more fuel to your anger issues as to why is this happening to such a nice person as we all think we are? So Shame and Regret just get heap on the burning pile. Not good at all. So I suggest like the program does you find the source of your anger and pull it out of your Skeletons in the Closet and start to work on it. Otherwise continue to be a puppet on stings with no good ending in slight.

[Guest]

Grain of salt, right. Cause that was kind of harsh, that last statement. I am working on this stuff. I've written down every bad secret of my whole life, and shared it with another person. I am in the progress of re-doing it, also. I go to aa meetings. I get on here. I go to a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I am trying. But I don't have to prove anything to anyone so I guess this reply is really pointless. thanks

[Guest]

brandonmississippi,
just keep working on things. My brother is a recovering alcoholic and I just recently found out that he also suffers terribly from anxiety and I asked him how he has dealt with it and he said that they teach you alot of that stuff in AA. Im not an alcoholic but maybe I would benefit from what they teach in AA. lol Anyway, sounds like you are doing everything possible to get to the bottom of your issues and thats all you can do is keep trying. I can tell you really want to resolve it. hang in there.