Newbie-Years of Depression/Anxiety

SomeWhereOvertheRainbow · Post by **SomeWhereOvertheRainbow** » Sat Aug 15, 2009 4:47 pm

Hi, Just started the Program. I've fought anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. My extended family has a history of depression. My first panic attacks started in late high school and early college. I coped as well as I could. As I became older, the panic attacks changed to generalized anxiety and depression. I am currently being treated for anxiety and "treatment-resistant" depression. I take 2 different anti-depressants and an anti-anxiety med. I definitely do not like the side-effects of the anti-depressants but know that I will take a nose dive if I go off them at this point. Seems like I have to work so hard to experience the happy moments that come naturally to others. I am always tired....either from wearing myself out worrying or from depression. By the end of the work day all I want to do is go to sleep. I grew up in a somewhat dysfunctional situation with a Mother who had severe depression and a severe form of cancer. My teenage years were filled with turmoil from the family situation. Somehow, I came out of the experience feeling that I simply "Wasn't Good Enough". I am always worried about what others are thinking of me and have so much anxiety that I often feel that I present as someone without much confidence. I manage my career (with great personal stress) but that's about all I can do. I try to avoid most social situations unless I am very comfortable with the individuals. A new social situation petrifies me and it is taking a toll on my marriage. I manage to "hide" my anxiety as much as possible in work situations but miss having the friendships I see others have. My grown children are supportive and I have my few "safe" friends. Other than that, I don't want to be around new people or situations. I always expect the worst. I am told by my family and friends that I am a perfectionist, expect a lot of others, and am my own worst enemy. I hear that over and over. I saw the infomercial for this program and decided that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Am interested in hearing from others. Thanks! Somewhere....

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:08 pm

Welcome!
I am sure that you will benefit from the program.
And also from interaction here on the forum.

As I read your post I thought to myself that you have more than you realize.
You were saying that you have "a few friends and that your family are supportive".

How often I read on here where some have no friends and no family.

So you have a lot to start with.
And the program does work.

However, I'm sure not belittling what depression can do to a person. It is hard to pull out of it.
But you can by really working this program, session by session.

Again, you are so welcome.
Wishing you every success.
You are going to get better!!!
MJ

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Mon Aug 17, 2009 5:45 pm

MJ (CornFlower) Thanks for responding! Yes, guess I should be grateful for the support I have. (See the negative thinking) I've worked my way to Week 3 and am impressed with what I have learned so far. It's tough work to change years of negative thinking. I was doing so well at work today until....all of a sudden, I got so anxious and upset with the fact that I seemed to be doing all the work getting ready for the new school year without much help from staff. I had to take my break, get out of the building and talk myself down. It makes me so upset when I get those anxiety attacks and start thinking all sorts of negative and upsetting thoughts about my co-workers. They are nice people but, again, don't work to my standards. Sound familiar? I had to grab a sandwich, take a Xanax and listen to the cd and calm myself down. It makes me so UPSET with myself when I get irrationally anxious. I do not act or feel that way around the children. However, I do think I have alot of negative and pent up anger from years of giving 150%, being a people-pleaser at my own expense and not being able to simply say what is on my mind.
Anyway, from one MJ to another....Thanks!

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:55 am

Good morning, Somewhere!
Hey! You are over half-way there!
You see, recognizing and admitting to yourself about negative thoughts is somewhat empowering.

We have to leave the 'blame thoughts' behind,
and write down those postitive thoughts to counteract the negative.

Pro-gress on through the sessions. You are doing good!
You are going to feel better.
Baby steps.

Be your own best friend . Praise yourself for every little step of progress.

Treat yourself with utmost kindness.
Have a great day.
MJ