I have no desire to make decisions!

[bk70golf]

Ok..I am finally sitting down here and reaching out to others going through similar circumstances. The point is I am going through so much frustration and confusion because I have absolutely no motivation (this has been going on for a long time) and I lack the desire to make good and smart decisions.

This is my first week in this program...thank God I had the strength to even order this. I have been listening to the cd's, practicing the self talk, and taking the good days supplements, but I am not 100% I will be able to pay for the program because of my financial situation. I will definitely call in to see if they can work with me. I know I need this!

Knowing that I am not alone, I thought I would share some details of my circumstances and hope to hear back from others that have been there or are experiencing the same issues.

In my past I was on medication, but the past couple of years have been the worst for me financially. We no longer have insurance and I have not seen a doctor (one that understands this crap) in a very long time. Somedays are scarry and I know I need help because of the thoughts I am fighting and because of the outburst I have. There have been many days that I could care less about anybody else or whether I live or not. I am not saying I would end my life..I could not do that to my kids. One of my hopes is that I can stay on this good day supplements and that it would actually take the place of meds.

The other thing I am suffering with is my work situation. The past 2 years have not been good financially. Now my wife is working (making about 2k / month and I am working out of the house..let's say trying to work out of the house keeping my 3 yr old at home and the 5 yr old get's home at 11:20..and the other 3 are 10, 15, and 17. Yes..5 kids! Being at home is driving me nuts because I am not getting much accomplished (especially with no motivation and desire). Hopefully soon we will be able to get the second car fixed and not have to share the one vehicle.

My apololgy for going on so much, but I needed to get this out to others that might understand.